Where We Belong
by J. M. Barr
Summary: CHAPTER 24 UP! Set after Season 10, before Ark of Truth, through Continuum. Can Sam and Daniel ever have normal lives? Sam/Daniel friendship, eventually romance. Addresses Sam/Jack, but not for SJ fans.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**Same as everyone else. I don't own Stargate SG-1. I'm not making any money from this.

**AN: This is my first posting of fan fiction. I've written some before but this is the first story I thought that someone else *might* want to read. Please review to let me know if I'm wrong!**

"Knock, knock." Daniels warm voice washed over her, offering a welcome distraction from Sam's computer screen. Smiling, she turned her blue eyes to see him offering her a coffee mug, holding another for himself.

"How did you know?" She had just been thinking that a jolt of caffeine was in order, considering that the words of the report she was working on has begun to run together before her eyes.

"Lucky guess." A grin spread across handsome his face as he handed her the warming liquid, coming to rest just behind her shoulder. "Still working on your mission report from M3W-030, I see." Daniel sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes, which only barely covered his smirk. "Honestly, it was just a moon, Sam."

Deciding to take his jib in stride, Sam laughed. "What can I say, I'm nothing if not thorough. I guess I just want to be sure the IOA understands how important this piece of technology can be."

"Oh, no, you're not fooling me. You want to bore them to death."

Laughing again, Sam just shook her head at her dear friend and offered him the chair next to her. "What about you? It isn't everyday you find the time to visit me anymore. Or should I say, it isn't often you escape from your adoring fan?"

Daniel hung his head, his cheeks reddening slightly. He knew that, though Sam was teasing him, there was truth in her words. Still, he knew it was best to take her scalding in stride. "Vala is actually out on a date." He looked at Sam then, wanting to gage her reaction. It was exactly as he predicted it would be. Her eyes shot up and her mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape.

"You're kidding?" Yep. Sam was definitely surprised. "With who?"

Daniel smirked again. "Oh, the new Captain that was assigned to SG-13. They met in the infirmary last week. He had 'the most gorgeous eyes,'" Daniel said in a perfect Vala impression. "I think she's trying to make me jealous," he stated.

"Is it working?" Sam smirked.

"Not really," Daniel said. "I don't know how many times I have to tell her that we're just friends and that I don't feel anything more for her than that. In fact, sometimes its downright exhausting." It was a conversation they'd had more than once, but Daniel couldn't ignore the feeling that Sam didn't really believe him. It seemed no one did. He'd hoped over time that she would take him at his word, since she knew him better than anyone else, but it looked as though he'd just have to get used to it.

"I can only imagine," Sam teased. "You must be ready to collapse from the strain of keeping your, ah, I mean, her, hands off you." Despite wanting to be upset, the twinkle of amusement on Sam's face was infectious and Daniel could only return her grin.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. But I guess I walked right into that, didn't I?"

"Yep."

"Still, I will admit that I don't get to see you nearly enough these days. How've you been?" The two slipped easily between friendly jesting and sincere companionship. It was Daniels favorite part of their friendship. They could always detect the mood of the other and respond in kind.

Sighing, Sam drank deeply of the steadying brew. She'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out the answer to that very question. She hadn't come up with much and she decided if anyone could help her see things more clearly, it was the man sitting beside her.

"Well, since you brought it up, I'm not entirely sure." A frown formed on Daniels brow, but he let Sam continue. She smiled, knowing that he would let her talk as much as she needed to. "I've been thinking a lot lately about my life outside of the SGC. Again. You know this comes up every year or so, almost like clockwork. This time it started when I was shopping last week for Cassie's graduation present. Speaking of which, god, can you believe she's old enough to graduate from college?" Sam waited for the answering grimace from Daniel, accompanied by a sound that remotely resembled a grunt. "Anyway, I was on my way to the electronics section, trying to figure out what Cass will need most for med school, and I passed the baby department. I immediately thought that the next time I'll be buying baby cloths will probably be for Cassie, and that the closest I'll ever come to being a grandmother is to her children. That's when I starting thinking about my life, you know, outside of here." Sam gestured to the room at large and took another drink, trying to get her thoughts in order. "I know with the Ori breathing down our necks we've got more important things to worry about, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what I'll have when the dust settles. I know that we don't know if Merlin's weapon worked or if we'll ever find the Ark, and the dust might never settle. But, will all I have left at the end of this, albeit incredible, journey, is a bunch of stories I can never tell to grandchildren that aren't really mine?" Sam stared into her coffee. She'd never expected to bear her soul like that, but it seemed to pour out of her. At least she'd shared it with Daniel. She knew he wouldn't mock her, or throw around trite cliche's like 'don't worry, be happy.' She let the silence linger, knowing that he would speak in his own time.

He was watching her carefully. It was rare that he and Sam shared moments like this these days, and he wanted to let her know it was okay that she had allowed her vulnerability to show. He placed a reassuring arm on her back and gently rubbed, trying to ease the tension he could read in her body. "I know exactly what you mean," he said simply. Sam glanced and him, one corner of her mouth lifted to show her appreciation. "Sometimes I can't help but think of what life would be like if I could have continued my life on Abydos. Surely by now I'd have at least one child, probably more. I wonder what kind of father I'd be, you know. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to have a child now that Sha're is gone. I know that right now there's nothing else I can do but fight the Ori threat and try to save as many lives as possible, but I also know that to do so means giving up more time I could spend actually living anything resembling a 'normal' life. There are even times when I wonder if the sacrifice is too great." Daniel paused, and for a moment the two sat in quiet reflection, letting the presence of the other bring its own comfort. "But, in the end," Daniel resumed, "I think it will all be worth it. I have to believe that we'll find a way to stop the Ori once and for all, assuming Merlin's weapon didn't work, even if we never find the Ark. And I have to believe that when we do, I will get a chance at a real life. I believe you, will, too."

Sam smiled at her friend and felt some of his optimism seep into her. Talking with Daniel was exactly what she'd needed. "Thanks, Daniel." Sam drained the last of the mugs contents. She noticed that Daniel still looked pensive. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Sam, I have to ask." She sighed and held up a hand, knowing what he was going to say but not wanting to hear the words.

"I can't give you an answer, so don't bother," she said sadly.

"What?" Utter confusion lined Daniels features.

"We haven't spoken in three months. About that... or anything else." Sam tried not to let how sad she was show, but it was no use. Daniel had always been able to read her like a book and tonight was no exception.

"You're joking, right?" The stiffening of her shoulders told him she wasn't. "I can't believe he hasn't called, or anything. I mean, granted, I haven't spoken with him either but I thought that was just because of, you know, all this." Daniel gestured to Sam's laptop where her mission report remained unfinished. "But I assumed that you and he were..." Daniel let the angry words trail off. He couldn't let his frustration get in the way of comforting Sam. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No!" The intensity of her remark caught her off guard. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply to reign in the emotions coursing through her. "No, Daniel," she said more gently, "that's okay. After all, I'm a big girl, remember?" Daniel knew Sam's teasing tone and playful smile were forced. Her eyes revealed the deep seated hurt she was really feeling. But he could also see that the soldier in her wanted to do this on her own and for her sake, he decided to let it go.

"Okay, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"Thanks." Standing, Sam stretched. "Oh, wow. I didn't realize it was so late. I should probably head home. I can finish this later." Sam saved her work then shut down her computer, while Daniel grabbed the now empty mugs and carried them over to the sink and rinsed them out. Following her to the elevators, the two fell back into their friendly banter. At their cars, Daniel pulled Sam into a tight hug. She savored the embrace, not for the first time grateful to have such an intuitive best friend.

On the way home, Daniel let his thoughts turn back to the subject that had upset him so deeply earlier. If it wasn't for his promise to Sam, he'd be on the phone right now. The nerve of him! Daniel would give him a week, and if in that time nothing happened, he would take matters into his own hands.


	2. Chapter 2

As Sam relished the feeling of being in her own home, thoughts of the weeks events filled her mind.

She still didn't really feel like she could relax yet. She knew the Ark had converted the Priors, and right now plans were underway to help their society adjust to the shock of learning the truth. But, no more innocent lives were being lost and for that she was grateful.

She'd just left Cameron in the infirmary an hour ago. The fight with the Replicators and Marrick had certainly done a number on the Colonel. Sam knew his recovery wouldn't be as speedy as he deserved, but at least the IOA had learned an important lesson. She still couldn't believe they'd actually thought that creating a replicator would be of any use! Thinking about it mad Sam's face heat up with anger. When would those people learn to listen to the ones who had experience facing the danger? Deciding not to let her frustration overwhelm her, she turned her thoughts to another matter.

She couldn't hide from it any longer. She had to do it. She had to call him.

She'd known it as she faced the replicators that had breached the Asgard core. She could have easily died on that ship, overrun by the very monsters she'd fought so hard to eliminate. Just before Cameron found out how to stop them, she'd known it was the end. It hadn't been too different from so many other close calls, but this time she had a clearer picture of what dying would mean: loosing the chance to live a life with the man she loved. And that was when she knew, if she made it back to Earth, she wasn't going to let anything get in her way of what she wanted any longer. Not even General Jack O'Neill.

She stared at the phone, trying to collect her thoughts. What if he didn't answer? What if refused to talk to her? She didn't think she could deal with not knowing where things stood any longer, so she didn't want to give him any opportunity to avoid her. She'd just have to see him face to face.

Despite the fact that she'd just gotten home, Sam grabbed her keys and headed toward the door, intent on flying to DC for a long overdue confrontation. She was caught completely off guard, therefore, when she opened her door to find the very person she was seeking standing on her door step, hand raised to knock.

"Carter," Jack said, smiling.

"Jack! What are you doing here?" Sam stuttered. For a moment, she just stared at him, her mouth hanging open. Then she pulled herself together. "Please come in," she said, and stood aside to let him pass.

"I wanted to hear with my own ears that the Ori are gone," Jack said. "So I thought, what the hell? It's about time I visited the 'ol SGC." His joking manner irked her.

"Oh, really?" she asked, anger clear in her tone. "So all it takes to get you to visit is eliminating a universal threat. I'll keep that in mind for the future."

"Yeah, I guess I deserve that," Jack said

"Damn right, you do." she replied. Jack turned his gaze to hers, finally, and she saw his shoulders slump. Sighing, she sat down. This wasn't going the way she wanted it to.

"I'm sorry. You're here now, right?"

"Right," he smiled, and she went to him, relieved to feel his arms surround her.

"I was actually on my way to see you," she said as she pulled back to look at him.

"You were, were you," he asked, grinning. Damn, it was good to see him, and she couldn't be angry at him when he stood there smiling at her like that.

"Yes. There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Here, lets sit." She pulled him to the couch.

"Okaaay," Jack said warily, not quite knowing what to expect. They sat facing each other, with their knees touching. Sam had one arm raised on the back of the couch, the other resting nervously on her leg.

"Oo, boy, this is hard," she smiled. Here she sat, a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force. She'd faced Goa'ld interrogation, machines invading her mind, hell, she'd blown up a sun. But she was having the hardest time finding a way to talk to him. Still, there was no way she was going to let this opportunity pass. It was about time she took control of her own life.

"Jack. The last two years have been... well, amazing is as good a word as any. I'll be the first to admit that adjusting to a new level of intimacy in our relationship took some time, and it wasn't always easy. I guess I'd spent too many years trying to ignore my feelings for you. But I love you, you have to know that, and the times we've shared have been incredibly special to me."

"I feel the same way," Jack said. She got the feeling he was nervous, but he always was when they talked like this, so she pushed on.

"Recently, I've been thinking about where I want my life to go. I've spent so long sacrificing any hopes for a family to do what I have done at the SGC, and I don't want to do that anymore." Jack only stared at her, and a sliver of fear ran down her spine. Still, she had to get this out. She decided to cut to the chase. "I want to be with you, Jack. I want to get married, start a family, to grow old with you."

"Sam, I don't think-" She held up a hand, cutting Jack off.

"I know that, with you in Washington and me here in Colorado, a marriage would be impossible. So, I'm willing to resign from SG-1 and relocate. I'm not asking you to retire. I'm just asking you to be with me. I want this Jack. I want you, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it possible." She smiled at him, hoping that the love she felt for him would show through in her eyes.

"Sam, god, I don't know what to say." Jack looked sad, and Sam felt her breath catch in her throat. She'd known it wouldn't be an easy conversation, but she was sure Jack cared about her as much as she cared for him.

"I can't ask you to do that," he finally uttered.

Sam cocked her head to the side, slipping her long hair behind her ear. "You're not. I'm volunteering," she stated.

"I can't let you do that, then," Jack said. "You deserve your spot on SG-1."

"I know that, but don't you think I also deserve to be happy?"

"Of course, but..." The words died from Jack's lips. He quietly took Sam's face in his hands and looked her straight in the eyes.

"Sam, I don't know how to say this, but... I can't marry you."

Silence filled the room and time stood still.

"What?" she asked, dazed by his words. "Why not?"

"It's not that I don't care about you, because I do. You know that. I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"What the hell does that mean, Jack?" she retorted, pulling away from him.

"It means that I'm not going to marry you." The pain was evident on his face.

"So, I'm good enough to sleep with but not marry?" She was angry, Jack could see that. But she was hurt, too, and he hated that he was causing it. But he couldn't marry her. Not now. Not ever.

"Sam, you know that's not it. I love you, I really do. But I just can't marry you. I don't have it in me. I've lost too much. I would die for you in a heartbeat, and if I could give you this I would. I just... I just can't," he finished weakly.  
"How long have you known?" she asked quietly, tears hovering in her eyes.

For a moment he only stared at her. "I think I've always known. That's why I never initiated anything between us. God, I'm sorry. I never should have allowed it to go so far."  
Horror washed over her. It was true, she'd pursued him. She'd gone to his home after deciding she couldn't marry Pete. She'd flown to Washington to tell him how she felt. She'd promised him she didn't want anything more from him, but that was then. This was now. The Ori were gone, and she felt like she could finally have the family she'd always wanted.

"God, Carter, I'm sorry."

So, it was back to Carter. The military walls of detachment were coming back up. Two could play that game.

"I think you should go, sir," she replied blankly. After a moments hesitation, Jack only nodded and headed for the door. He didn't stop to look back, and she was grateful. It took all her strength not to break down in front of him and she didn't know how much longer she could wait.

She made her way to her bedroom and began pacing, anger shaking her slim frame. She couldn't believe it. She'd known something had been wrong over the last few months, but she'd never expected this rejection. God, her whole body ached. The love of her life had just walked out on her, and there was nothing she could do.

Her mind flashed back to their last night together. They'd only been together four times in the last two years, but each time it was wonderful. She'd thought Jack was happy, that this was what he'd wanted. Sure, they'd never talked about marriage or even said forever. Those were dangerous words, knowing that Sam's life was in danger every time she stepped through the gate. But she'd never believed he hadn't wanted exactly what she had. Her heart was shattered inside of her, and she had no idea how to make the pain go away.

She felt so helpless. Tears flowed freely down her face, and she flung herself across her bed, letting the sorrow consume her. Finally, hours later, exhaustion overcame her and she drifted into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"WHAT!?!" The urge to punch Jack was so intense it took all of Daniel's well honed self-control to fight it.

"Daniel, please," Jack pleaded. He'd known Daniel would be upset, and sure enough, he wasn't disappointed.

"Jack, I can't believe you! We've known each other a long time. God, I thought I knew you, but I guess I was wrong. I never, ever would have believed you capable of such cruelty." Menace laced Daniels words.

"Oh for cryin' out loud! Come on, Daniel. Cruelty would have been leading her on. I was honest with her. You can't blame me for that." Jack's voice was rising, but Daniel didn't care.

"Oh, is that right?" Sarcasm coated his words. "So you were honest with her two years ago when you two started sleeping together? You told her back then you'd never marry her?" Daniel spat out.

"Not in so many words, but I didn't say I would marry her." Jack knew it was a weak defense, and he couldn't keep up the anger. He hated himself for this whole situation. "Daniel, I feel terrible. I love her, I hate hurting her. But marrying her would be a mistake." It was the truth, and he hoped Daniel could see it.

Daniel allowed the silence to stretch out between them. Maybe Jack was right, but Daniel couldn't believe he'd hurt Sam so deeply. "You shouldn't have let it get that far, Jack. Sam deserves better than this."

"I know. God, I know! I want to give her more, I really do. But, I... I just can't. I hate myself for it, Daniel. But I can't. Marriage means more than I can give. After Charlie and Sara... I just don't have it in me." Jack's eyes begged Daniel to understand, and unwillingly, he did. After loosing Sha're, Daniel was sure he'd never love again. He couldn't imagine what loosing a child, and the breakdown of his marriage, had done to Jack's heart.

"I understand," Daniel sighed. "I don't like it, but I understand."  
"Thank you." Jack managed a weak smile. "I don't deserve it, but I'm grateful anyway."

"I have to go," Daniel replied.

"Yeah," was all Jack could say.

Daniel hurried from his house. From what Jack said, it had been a few hours since he and Sam had talked, and Daniel could only imagine what had been going through Sam's head during that time. _Hang on, Sam, I'm coming._

Pulling into her driveway, Daniel rushed up the sidewalk. He didn't bother knocking, figuring that Sam was either asleep or too far out of it to notice someone at her door. He just let himself in and headed for her bedroom.

He found her sleeping, clothes still on and tears dried to her face. He felt his stomach twist at the sight, and, regardless of what he'd said to Jack, he knew he'd never forgive him for putting Sam through this.

Sam stirred, her dreams causing her pain. Jack was standing right next to her and she kept reaching out to him, but no matter how close she got she couldn't touch him.

Hearing Jack's name torn from Sam's lips while she slept, Daniel reacted without thinking. He quickly crossed the distance that separated them and lifted Sam into his arms.

"Ssh, Sam, it's okay. Every thing's going to be okay." Daniel murmured reassurances while stroking Sam's hair.

"Daniel, thank god. It hurts so much." Sam sobbed against him, letting all her grief out. A part of her had known he would come, had been waiting to lean on his strength.

Daniel gladly allowed her to pour her sorrow out onto his waiting shoulders, wishing all the while there was more he could do.

"I know, Sam. It's going to be okay. I promise you, things will be okay." Daniel felt helpless. He would give anything to take away the hurt that was rolling through is friend. Swearing to himself that the next time he saw Jack he would act on the urge to punch him, Daniel kept repeating his soothing words to Sam.

After a bit, Sam's sobs lessened. She finally looked up at him.

"God, I'm such a mess," she said, trying to smile at her friend to hide her embarrassment.

Daniel smiled as he gently wiped the tears from Sam's face. "You're beautiful," he said.

She hugged him again, leaning into his solid presence. She was glad he'd come.

"Why don't you take a warm shower and change your clothes. That always makes me feel better." Seeing the panic that filled her eyes, Daniel hurried on. "I'll be here when you get out."

"Promise?" she asked. She hated the weakness and need she heard in her voice but felt powerless to fight it.

"Absolutely," Daniel said. He smiled and helped her up, pushing her toward her bathroom. After he heard the shower come on and thought Sam had entered it, he went to the kitchen. He was sure she hadn't eaten in a while. Pulling out the ingredients from her cupboard, Daniel whipped together Sam's comfort food: banana pancakes. He placed two plates piled high with the fluffy concoctions on a tray along with two glasses of orange juice and hurried back to her room. She was stepping out of the bathroom just as he was entering.

"Daniel, you didn't have to do that."

"Of course I didn't," Daniel smiled. "But you knew I would, so why don't we skip the part where you confess your everlasting gratitude and go straight to the part where you are enjoying my culinary masterpiece?"

Sam allowed herself a small smile in return. What would she do without him? Her stomach was aching from lack of food, even though she didn't feel particularly hungry.

"Sounds good." Sam began nibbling the food while Daniel watched intently. He confirmed that she was going to do more than nibble at her food before he began on his. They ate in relative silence, but it wasn't awkward or forced. After Sam ate what Daniel considered to be the bare minimum amount, he started talking. He knew Sam would just let him ramble on, but that was okay. She needed it, and he only wished he could do more.

Sam savored the sound of Daniels voice as he told her about what had happened on base while SG-1 had been away. She'd already known most of it, a fact she suspected he was aware of, but she let him talk anyway. He took the pressure off of her to speak. She didn't think she could say anything without breaking down into tears. It was still so raw.

She was silently angry with herself. She'd never felt this much grief over any of her relationships, not even Martouf, a man she could 'remember' sharing more than a hundred year with. She had to get it together. It was over, and there was no changing that.

"Sam, I know what you're thinking," Daniel said softly. She looked up and his calming blue eyes held her gaze. "You're somehow thinking that you should be stronger, that you shouldn't be in so much pain. You're thinking that it's never hurt so bad when any of your other relationships have gone bad. You're thinking you have to find a way to stop hurting, right away. But you're wrong. It takes strength to know when to be weak, and you are the strongest woman I know. The pain is natural. It's not just Jack you're loosing, but the dreams you had for a future with him as well. There is no magic button that will take everything away, and there shouldn't be. It wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't care as much. This grief is normal, and you'll get through it. I'll be here to help you the whole time."

Tears were falling down her face, and this time Sam did nothing to stop them. Daniels words crashed into her. He'd read her thoughts perfectly. She didn't want to believe him. She didn't want to give in to the feelings that were overwhelming her. But the truth was there and she couldn't run away from it. He wouldn't let her.

Gently, he pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand and used it to clear away the evidence of her grief. He stood and removed the breakfast tray from the bed, then pulled Sam to her feet. He enveloped her in bear hug.

"I'm not going anywhere Sam. I'll get you through this, I promise."

Sighing, Sam knew she could trust Daniel. She felt weariness grip her again, and she sagged with the weight of it.

Sensing that Sam needed rest, Daniel released her to pull back the covers. He laid her down, then moved to the other side of the bed. He removed his shoes, socks, belt and sweater, then laid down by Sam.

"Thank you for knowing," said Sam simply.

"Anytime," Daniel replied. She moved to lay on his chest and he put his arms protectively around her. She sighed against him, and he slowly felt her relax. It wasn't until her breathing evened out, however, that Daniel allowed himself to drift off to sleep too, the last thought of his conscious mind a promise to do anything he could to make Sam happy again.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: This chapter's a bit on the long side, but I couldn't help. Please let me know what you think!**

Sam knew she was supposed to wake up now. She'd slept long enough, almost too long. If she stayed in bed any longer she knew the migraine that was building in her head would magnify. She needed coffee. But she didn't want to face the day. She didn't want to go to the SGC or work in her lab. She didn't want to put on a happy face and hope that no one would notice how insincere it was.

At the very least, though, she'd have to make a trip to the bathroom. Sighing, she stumbled her way to the other room, managing to do so without opening her eyes too widely. She'd never regretted her decision to make her room 'light and airy' as much as she did this morning. She felt like she'd guzzled a gallon of tequila. Well, that wasn't strictly true. At least if she'd done that she'd still feel the buzz. Instead she only felt worn out. Completely and utterly exhausted, which didn't make much sense considering she'd just gotten out of bed.

God, how had it all gone so wrong? Maybe she should have left well enough alone. How was she ever going to come to terms with a life without Jack?

Groaning, she decided a day in bed might not be such a bad idea after all. She was surprised to see upon entering her bedroom that her bed had been made and a fresh mug of coffee was waiting for her, a bottle of headache medicine conveniently placed nearby. Daniel.

She greedily swallowed the blessed elixir, managing to down a few pills as well. Before she knew it, she'd finished her cup and was heading for another when she heard a voice behind her.

"Yeah. No, I understand. Thanks, General." Daniel closed his cell phone and extended a fresh cup to his friend. "Looking for this," he smiled.

"Thanks," Sam managed. "General?"

"Uh, yeah. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of calling General Landry to let him know that you and I were going to be out of contact for a few days. I thought you might want a few days free from the worry that some lab experiment gone wrong would pull you back to the base. Now," he said as he moved to her side, "I've also taken the liberty of packing some clothes. I'll give you a few minutes to change and then we'll be going."

"Excuse me?" Sam managed. What was he going on about?

"We're going away for the weekend," he said simply. "I don't know about you, but after this last mission I could use a change of scenery." He crossed the room and grabbed both of Sam's recently emptied mugs. "We'll get more of this on the way. Will ten minutes be enough?"

Sam managed a nod. Satisfied, Daniel left her alone.

Once again, Daniel had anticipated her needs, this time before even she herself had. Standing in this room, where memories of her and Jack's last night together filled every corner, was killing her. To go somewhere free from the thousands of small reminders of him sounded like perfect bliss. She couldn't wait to go.

Quickly pulling on her favorite jeans and a blue top, Sam made her way to the living room where Daniel was waiting.

"Here's your jacket. It's a bit chilly outside. You look lovely, by the way." He smiled and took her hand, leading her to his car. "I thought I'd drive for a change," he said, and she only shrugged. It was one less thing she had to think about.

* * *

Two hours later, Daniel pulled his car into the parking lot of a quaint café. Sam had enjoyed the incredible vistas that had passed by her window during the drive, and hadn't really paid attention to where they were headed. She knew they were still in the mountains of Colorado, which might not be considered to much of a scenic shift from her everyday life. But she spent most of her time off world or at the base, so the panoramic visions that she had seen on the drive had been a rare treat.

She got out and stretched, taking in the picturesque town laid out before them.

"Did we suddenly enter the 'Twilight Zone?" Sam asked. "I thought places this perfect only existed in the movies."

Daniel smiled. "Welcome to Buena Vista, Colorado. It has a population of just over 2,000, but don't let that fool you. It also boasts some of the best view of the Rockies to be had, not to mention several terrific hot springs."

Sam couldn't help but laugh. "Daniel, have you been moonlighting for the Buena Vista Chamber of Commerce?"

"Actually, I stumbled upon this place a few years ago. I was looking for a place to escape to that wouldn't be too far from home and I found a great review for a local resort. I made the trip and really felt at home. I promised myself I'd make it back at least once a year, but then the Ori showed up and I never got the chance. But after the hellish mission we just finished, I decided it was time for a return visit."

"It's lovely."

"And it only gets better. This place has a delicious omelet."

He led Sam up the walk way. The bright yellow paint of the Evergreen Café might have seemed pretentious in another setting, but here it seemed like a natural extension of the town's inherent warmth.

They sat down at the dark wooden counter which was done in the old fashioned style, a rarity in today's world of forced elegance. The relaxed environment of the place seeped into Sam and she felt some of her apprehension drift away. This was exactly what she'd needed.

Their brunch was pleasant. Daniel deliberately brought up a subject he knew Sam could talk about for hours that was decidedly Jack-free: 'Harry Potter.' He wasn't disappointed, either. Sam's passion about the possible science behind the magic was both fascinating and slightly scary, but in a good way.

After their meal, they visited the local grocery store to stock up on supplies. Daniel insisted on picking up the ingredients for his specialty, a pasta dish with a ton of spice that he'd created one day from sheer ignorance. He was trying to recreate an Abydonian meal he was quite fond of but he'd had no idea what flavors to use. The result was a cross between Indian curry and an Italian linguine. He'd made it for Sam once and she'd loved it. Sam, not to be outdone, grabbed all the makings for a perfect batch of chocolate walnut cookies.

The cabin was ten minutes away from the center of town, but it might as well have been ten hours for the seclusion it radiated. The small house sat perched next to a rushing river. It was made from wooden logs, and had been landscaped in such a way that it appeared to be in complete harmony with the natural world beyond it.

Together they carried in the groceries and luggage and went about settling in. Once that was done, Sam wandered over to the wall of windows that made up the back side of the cabin and looked at a couple of elk that were partaking of nature's refreshment.

She didn't hear Daniel come up behind her, but she didn't jump when he put an arm around her shoulders. They stood like that for a while until Sam finally turned to address her friend.

"Thank you Daniel. This is just what I needed."

"You're entirely welcome."

* * *

Dinner had been as delicious as Sam remembered. She and Daniel had gone out on to the porch and were enjoying some wine and the moonlight.

"I can't remember the last time I've gone so long without checking in with the lab," Sam said. "It feels good, not to mention a bit terrifying."

"I know."

"I still don't think it's really sunk in yet." Sam's voice had grown quiet, but Daniel didn't interrupt. He'd known she'd come back to this topic eventually. "I've loved him for so long. I don't know how to imagine a life without him."

"I wish I could give you the answer to that one," Daniel replied. "All I can say is that you're strong and you can get through this."

"I'm not sure I agree with you. I don't feel very strong right now."

"You must hate that."

Despite herself, Sam smiled. "Yeah, kind of."

"You shouldn't, though. I don't think I'll ever understand that military mentality. Distancing yourself from any signs of weakness is admirable when you're facing an enemy, but when it comes to everyday life... You have to give yourself permission to feel, Sam. You have to feel it all."

Something about the far off look in Daniels eyes told Sam he was speaking from personal experience. Knowing that Daniel had lost the love of his life made his words mean even more, and she found herself captivated by what he was saying.

"And not just the bad parts of it. Yes, you have to embrace the pain, the grief, the shame. The feeling of utter failure and rejection. You have to let it take hold, to the point where you think you'll never be able to feel anything again. It will be hard, probably harder than anything else you've had to deal with. But then you'll have to do something even harder. You'll have to accept that, even after all the hurt, you still love him."

He turned to her now, tears cresting in his intense gaze. "You'll still love him, Sam, even after what he did."

"How?" she asked, almost breathless. How could it be possible to love him after he'd rejected her?

One corner of Daniels mouth raised in a sad smile. "Because he's still Jack. He'll never be your husband. He won't be your lover any more. But nothing can erase the 11 years of friendship you've shared. Nothing can ever change the bonds we forged on countless missions on hundreds of planets. Allowing yourself to still care for him will be the hardest thing of all."

"Do you still love her?" It had been so long since Sha're had died. In the beginning, Sam and Daniel had talked about her often. Sam remembered the agonizing grief that had overcome Daniel in some of his darker moments. She'd tried to help him get through it then, but she hadn't really known. She hadn't understood the enormous pain he'd been in as she did now.

Daniel was silent for a long while. "Yes, I will always love her. She was... special, and I will never forgive the Goa'ld for taking her from me. But I am not in love with her any longer. It has taken a really long time, but I know that I can love someone new without comparing it to what I shared with my wife."

"I don't know if I'll ever love again," Sam said softly.

"Don't, Sam," Daniel pleaded. He took her hand and squeezed it. "Don't you see? That's what happened to Jack."

Sam looked away. There was truth in Daniel's words, and they made her angry. Angry because she knew he wouldn't allow her to retreat behind walls of fear and cowardice, but more than that, she was angry because she was forced to understand, at least in part, why Jack couldn't marry her.

"I'm sorry," Daniel said. He could tell his words had stung, but they'd had to be said.

Sighing in frustration, Sam rose and walked to the banister. She closed her eyes as the breeze played through her long hair. Daniel kept his distance until he sensed her shoulders shaking with fresh sobs. He went to her then, and pulled her into his arms.

"Why wasn't I enough to heal him, Daniel?" There. She'd finally said the words he'd know had been eating her alive.

"Oh, Sam. You were. You are. Please believe me when I say that. He's a bastard for not seeing it. You're amazing and any man would be lucky to have you. You did everything right. Hell, you were even willing to give up SG-1 for him. If I were Jack, I never would have walked away. He's a fool, Sam, and you deserve so much better."  
He pulled back slightly and turned her face to him. "There is someone out there who will be there for you no matter what, Sam. Someone you can love and grow old with. Someone who will never take for granted how fantastic you are." His eyes were soft and full of such deep admiration that Sam was caught of guard. She knew he wasn't just saying what he thought she needed to hear. He believed every word.

Though his declaration scared her, it also gave her the hope that she desperately needed right now.

"Thank you, Daniel," she said as she hugged him. "It seems I'm thanking you a lot these days," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

"It is my honor to serve," he said, quoting many former first primes. Sam just rolled her eyes. "Why don't you go get ready for bed while I put the dishes away?"

"Oh, no. You cooked dinner so clean up detail falls to me. And don't argue. I've got serious combat skills and I'm not afraid to use them."

Daniel chuckled and gave in, making his way to his bedroom. Sam made short work of the kitchen and went to her bedroom. She had been trying for five minutes to get into her latest book, failing miserably, when she heard a knock at her door.

"Checking up on me?" she teased.

"Something like that. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Daniel inquired, a skeptical look on his face.

Sam smiled. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Are you going to be able to sleep by yourself?" It was a blunt question that would have embarrassed her if anyone else had asked it, but coming from Daniel she didn't mind.

"I think so. If I need you, I promise I'll come get you."

"You'd better. You can play tough soldier when we get back to the base."

Sam just laughed. "Good night, Daniel."

"Night, Sam."

He closed the door and Sam turned back to her book. Her mind wasn't really on the story, but reading allowed her eyes to get heavy and soon she drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!**

Sam winced as a sharp pain went through her shoulder, proof that she'd been sitting for too long at the Asgard core without a break. Not that this was the first time. _I could really go for another dip in those hot springs._

It had been nearly two weeks since she and Daniel had returned from Buena Vista. Their weekend had passed far too quickly, as their downtown always did. She was far from truly recovering from what had happened between her and Jack, but the talks she and Daniel had shared had allowed her to start to process everything. She'd ask for time away from the team to concentrate on the mysteries left behind on the Odyssey_, _knowing that the project was large enough to lose herself in. She hadn't been disappointed.

Daniel and the team had been away most of that time working on cleaning up the aftermath of the Ark's use, and while she'd missed them it had given her a chance to be alone with her grief. She'd analyzed her relationship with Jack countless times, still trying to come to terms with how it had all gone wrong so quickly, and she'd realized that it hadn't.

There had been many signs that Jack wasn't going to commit to a long-term relationship with her, but she'd dismissed them by telling herself it was their military regulations that stood in their way. One of the hardest admissions she'd had to make was that she was only seeing what she'd wanted to see. In the end, they were never going to be together.

She discovered something else as well. Although the Asgard's technological inheritance would take a lifetime to understand, Sam felt as though she needed more. She felt ready for a different challenge, but she had no idea how to go about finding one. _You should just be lucky for the break from alien enemies and be content_, she told herself, wishing she could follow her own advice.

Sighing, she decided to call it a day. A hot bath with some bath salts would just have to do in place of the hot springs.

* * *

Daniel sighed as he took in the gate room before him. It had been a week since he'd showered and he couldn't wait to get rid of the sand he'd been accumulating. That was something they conveniently left out of the recruitment material: Stargate travel equal lots of sand in your boots, and... other places.

"Colonel Mitchell, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, Vala. Welcome back. I trust things went well?"

"Yes, General. At least, as well as expected," Cam answered.

"Good. We'll debrief in an hour. Actually, let's make it two," he added, looking pointedly at Daniel. His smirk said plainly that Daniel looked as dirty as he felt.

"Thanks," he managed.

A routine exam, one long shower and two cups of coffee later Daniel found himself back in the debriefing room.

"So, I feel confident that SG teams 9 and 10 can handle the situation for now. Tomen has quickly risen to the higher ranks of society. His compassion for the priors has helped many of their citizens to seek peace, but I think its safe to say it will be quite some time before the people of the Ori galaxy will feel whole again. It's not an easy thing, to lose your faith and life's purpose." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he knew he'd failed. His conscience still struggled with the notion that forcing the priors to change their beliefs by using the Ark had been their only answer.

"No, it's not. Good work, SG-1. For now, you're on stand down. Colonel Mitchell, I'd like a word with you in private. Dr. Jackson, if you could hang around the base for a while, there's someone who needs to talk with you. The rest of you are dismissed."

"Aw, well, looks like it's you and me, Muscles. Care for a bite to eat?" Vala asked, snaking her arm through one of Teal'c's. He smiled indulgently at her.

"Unfortunately, I have already eaten ValaMalDoran. Perhaps you would prefer to engage in a round of friendly sparring instead?"

"Ugh, really, Teal'c. You should know better by now. I find that there are much more pleasants ways to get all sweaty than fake combat. How about a game of poker?"

Daniel listened to their banter as headed toward his office, glad Vala had left instead of hanging around his office. He had no idea who wanted to speak with him or what it was about, but it was nice to have some quiet time with his thoughts.

It was getting harder and harder to do this job.

When he'd first started, he was naïve and unjaded. But the Goa'ld had quickly done their best to teach him the true depths of cruelty.

Beyond the loss of Sha're and the pain that had come from knowing what Amonet had forced her to do, there were others. He remembered comforting the host of Apophis as he laid dying, forced to leave his wife and children and live a 2,000-year nightmare. The tears of the man had torn at Daniels soul. Not to mention the conversation he'd shared with with Skaara following the removal of the symbiote Kor'el.

The anguish left behind in the wake of the Goa'ld's rule, kept alive in the hearts of millions of human and jaffa slaves, would never cease to pain him.

The relentless fight against the Replicators had also taken its toll. The loss of the Asgard was still fresh for Daniel, and he knew that their war with the Replicators had consumed many of their final years. Instead of the peaceful existence they deserved, they'd been forced to expend needed resources to combat the untiring enemy.

Then, when they should have been celebrating the end of these villains, they'd discovered the Ori. Or more accurately, Daniel and Vala had discovered them and practically invited them here. Their simple action of initiating the ancient communication device had unleashed a merciless enemy upon the Milky Way galaxy.

Daniel felt the weight of each innocent life that had been lost upon him each day, and he suspected that he always would. Naturally, his friends had told him that it wasn't his fault, but in his mind, it was. It was why he had focused on defeating them so relentlessly. It was why, in the end, though he knew that forcing the truth upon the Ori followers was morally no better than what they themselves were trying to do, he had agreed to use the Ark.

The effects of the truth on the Ori followers had hit him hard. Sometimes when he closed his eyes he could still see the Doci, weeping before him.

And now, here he was. The wide-eyed innocence that had led him to cherish the cultures of ancient Egypt, that had helped him cling to what he'd known to be right even when it had caused him professional ridicule, had been systematically stripped away. It was harder and harder these days to find hope and peace, and he was beginning to think that there was no way for him to stay in the Stargate program without losing what remained.

There were a lot of sacrifices he was willing to make, but he was beginning to wonder if his very humanity was on the line.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock and a familiar voice. Instantly, his spine stiffened. He'd been avoiding this.

They had spoken briefly when he'd gotten back from his weekend with Sam, long enough for Daniel to tell Jack that she was going to be okay, eventually, but that right now she needed space. Jack had called again just before his last mission but Daniel didn't know what to say so he hadn't returned the call. Now they were face to face.

"Well, Danny boy, nice to see you returned to Earth with all your limbs intact," Jack said. Ah, so he was going to hide behind sarcasm and humor. Daniel couldn't say he was surprised.

"Oh, I don't know. I managed to hit my head once or twice," he said as Jack sat down. "So, what's up?"

"We're skipping the pleasantries, are we? Not much of a greeting for two old friends." Jack waited for a reply but Daniel offered none. He just raised his eyes and waited for Jack to get on with it.

"Okay, fine. I'll get right to it then. As I'm sure you're aware, the Atlantis expedition is in need of a new leader. A name has come up, and it's pretty unanimous that this is the person for the job."

"Really?" Whatever Daniel had thought this was about, if the height of his eyebrows were any indication it hadn't been this.

"Oh, yeah. They're military, and they have extensive experience with the Stargate, which makes our side pretty happy. Plus, they're a scientist who can handle the most advanced technologies we've ever come across, which makes the IOA happy. At least as happy as those idiots ever are."

"Sam." He knew she was qualified and would do well, but why in the world was Jack talking to him about it?

"Yeah."

"Okay. She's a great choice. But what the hell do I have to do with anything?"

"Well, I'm supposed to approach her to make the offer, and you know things aren't great with us right now. I don't want our personal...situation to interfere with Carter doing what's best for her career."

"And you were hoping I'd talk to her for you."

He could still figure things out quickly. "Daniel, I think it would be easier for Sam this way," Jack said softly.

Daniel sighed. Jack had a point. "You know, you're still involved with the program, and as head of Homeworld Security you're very involved in Atlantis. The two of you are going to have to deal with each other at some point especially if she takes the post."

"I know that." They stared at each other for a moment, communicating without words the way friends who had literally fought and died beside each other could.

"I really am sorry, Daniel."

"I know." Daniel knew it was time to let Jack know how he felt. "Listen," he said, removing his glasses and rubbing his face with his hands. "Sam means a lot to both of us, and to see her in this kind of pain... it's not easy, Jack. And you caused it. That's just the way it is. But you and I have been through a lot together. You're like a brother to me and I don't want this to come between us anymore."

Letting out a breath, Daniel saw the other mans shoulders relax. "Thanks Daniel." Just two words, but coming from Jack they were enough.

"So, how about lunch?" Jack said, standing. "I've been craving a steak for the longest time, and I haven't found a place in Washington that even comes close to O'Malley's."

"I'd like that, but I was thinking it might be best if I catch up with Sam as soon as possible."

"Yeah, I understand. Maybe I can pry Hank away instead." The two embraced before Jack headed out.

Daniel picked up the phone on his desk. "Walter, can you contact Schriever and see they've got room for one on their next flight to Nellis?"


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thank you for reading. I hope everyone is enjoying this. I'll keep updating often. Please keep the reviews coming!**

"Daniel!"

"Ah, hey Sam. Mind if I come in?" Daniel tried to hide his grin. To say Sam had been caught off guard would be an understatement.

She moved aside wordlessly. A towel was poised in her hands, hair still wet from her recent bath.

"Bad time?"

"Uh, no, I just wasn't expecting company." Her pajama pants and t-shirt told him that. She recovered from her shock and smiled. "Oh, please tell me you brought Chinese!" she said, reaching to remove the bags from his hands.

"I thought you might be hungry, and I know there isn't much out here in the way of restaurants. Being a top secret military base in the middle of no where and all." He followed her to the kitchenette of the small on-base apartment she was using. "Sorry I surprised you," he added.

"No, it's okay. I'm glad to see you." Placing the bags on the table she turned and pulled her friend into a hug.

"Same here."

"So, my guess is that you didn't come all this way, without notice I might add, just to share some Chinese food with me."

"Um, no," Daniel laughed. "I've actually got a pretty great reason for coming out here, but I think it can wait. At least for a bit. Can you pass me a dumpling?"

"Sure," she said, using her chopsticks. She'd never been able to use them until Daniel had painstakingly shown her how some years ago. He'd gotten carried away passionately explaining the unique culture behind the instruments and Sam could still see him, eyes blazing, hands moving through the air, rice pot bowling over the nearby cooking fire. The image bought a smile to Sam's face.

"What?" Daniel asked. Apparently she'd be staring.

"Oh, sorry," she said, her mouth doing that lovely cross between a grimace and a smile that was classic Samantha Carter. "I didn't mean to stare. I was just remembering the time when you taught me how to use these. You were so animate, particularly when you were telling me how aristocrats of the Middle Ages preferred silver chopsticks because they believed they would change color if their food had been poisoned."

"Ah, yes, I remember." Was he blushing? "Did I frighten you with my intensity?"

Sam just laughed. "No, it was the opposite, actually."

"Huh. I can't believe you remember that," he chuckled. "I'm full of useless facts, aren't I?"

"Yeah. We should find one of those bars where you can play trivia. I'm sure the combined intellects of SG-1 could win at least one round of buffalo wings."

At that, Daniel really started laughing. "What?" Sam asked.

"Oh, nothing, just... I got the perfect mental image of Teal'c arguing with the hostess about the wrong answer. 'You are mistaken, my dear. The proper term is in fact Force persuasion, and not Jedi mind tricks. It is a common error.'"

Sam lost it. When she returned to the SGC, she'd have to look into finding a place in Colorado Springs where they could go play.

"Oh, Daniel, I haven't laughed that hard in a while!"

"That makes two of us." He reached over to get some more noodles out of the nearest container. "It's good to hear you laugh," he said sincerely.

"You know what? It feels good to laugh." They both grinned at each other for a minute, before Sam rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Daniel. Really."

"What?" he asked, his face a perfect mask of innocence.

"Oh, don't give me that malarkey. You've been dying to ask me how I am since you walked through the door." She stared at him with her best don't-try-to-argue-with-me glare.

"Okay," Daniel replied, raising his hands. "I admit it. I have been concerned about you. There, are you happy?"

"Thrilled," she smiled.

"I'm going to assume, for now," he added, giving her a pointed look, "that you're being sincere. But define 'fine' for me."

Sam allowed herself a small grin at Daniels persistence. She hadn't really expected to get off that easy. "Well, it's been a week since I burst into tears for no 'apparent' reason. I've only had less than four hours sleep for two of the last five days. And today someone mentioned Jack and I didn't have the uncontrollable urge to run from the room."

He smiled at her way of presenting her case, naturally using 'data' to support it No matter how much of a soldier she was, she was still a scientist at heart. "I'm satisfied," Daniel said. "And, since you indulged me, I'll change the subject. How's it going with the Asgard core?"

"It's amazing. It's going to take generations to fully understand everything they've left behind. It's quite mind boggling, really." Daniel listened intently as Sam told him just a few of the things they'd discovered, mainly concentrating on the matter converter. "I mean, this technology alone has the power to end world hunger and poverty. Anyone can create literally anything. It's phenomenal."

"Jeez, I bet the IOA were thrilled that the expense of the trip has finally been 'justified'." Daniel and Sam shared a grimace. The insensitivity of those people would never cease to amaze either of them.

"I'd give it all up, though, to have them back. I had to turn off the holographic Thor because it was too painful to interact with him, knowing he wasn't the real thing."

"I can only imagine," he responded, reaching to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "There's a part of me that's been putting off going through their data base for that very reason. I still can't quite believe their gone."

They shared a silent moment before Sam raised her soda can. "To the Asgard," she said.

"Yes, to the Asgard," Daniel agreed.

Sam began to clear away the plates while Daniel put away the remaining food. They worked around each other, both anticipating the others needs with ease. When they were done, Daniel showed Sam the small wrapped cookies that were to be their dessert.

"Oh, good. You remembered," Sam said.

"Of course I remembered," Daniel laughed.

The tradition began as a way to poke fun at Eastern mysticism, but it had ended up as one of their favorite rituals. First they would each pick their cookies. Then Daniel would read Sam's fortune, and she would have to try to figure out what it meant. Daniel would listen before giving an alternate meaning. Then they would switch.

"Okay, pick your cookie," Daniel began. Closing her eyes, Sam picked one at random.

"Alright. Let's see: 'To find what one is searching for, one must first become lost.' Hmm... that's an interesting one."

"I'll say. Let me think." Sam looked into the distance for a while, gathering her thoughts. "It reminds me of those times when I can't figure something out. Ugh, I get so frustrated with the problem that consumes me but the more I think about it the more impossible it seems. I know you know what I'm talking about here. Anyway, I often find that the answer comes to me when I lose myself in my work and stop trying so hard."

"Hmm, I see what you mean. That's quite good, actually. But," he added, his voice taking on a mysterious quality, "I think my answer's better."

She cocked her head to one side and peered at him mockingly. "Really?"

"Oh yeah."

"Do tell, Dr. Jackson," she smirked. He could be so smug sometimes.

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong here, but ever since the... break up, for lack of a better term, you've been feeling a bit lost. You have been struggling to answer that nagging question that always follows a big change in our lives: what's next?" He brought his gaze up to meet Sam's and grinned in satisfaction. Yep, he had her complete attention. "The answer, Sam, is to get lost." He stared her, amusement clear in his raised eyebrows and quirky smile.

"Excuse me, what?" Sam asked. Obviously Daniel's words had a double meaning but she no idea what it was.

"Lost, Sam. As in, the lost city of the Ancients."

If only he had a camera. Sam's eyes were as big as quarters and her mouth was frozen in the middle of trying to again ask what he was talking about. He'd definitely succeeded in catching her off guard, something that was very hard to do to the brilliant astrophysicist.

"Sam, I've been asked to come here and tell you that you've been selected to take over the Atlantis expedition. That is, assuming you're interested?"

"Wait, Daniel, that's not possible. I mean, I'm only a Lt. Colonel. I haven't even led SG-1 for the last two years. What could possibly make them want me?"

"First, I understand you'd be promoted to a full bird Colonel if you accept. Second, I think you're perfect for the job and it's my impression that everyone agrees. The military will be happy to finally have one of their own running what is clearly a significantly combative operation, and the IOA will be content knowing that your scientific background will allow you to understand the importance of researching the Ancients culture."

"Well, I guess that makes sense." Sam said. He knew she'd accept the logic of the offer if he'd put it to her like that.

"Face it, Sam. You're going to be leading one of the most significant endeavors of the human race in, oh, about 72 hours."

"WHAT?!"

"Yep. But don't worry, I'll keep feeding your fish." Daniel was grinning, and Sam couldn't help herself. She punched him in the arm. Lightly, of course.

"Smug isn't a good look for you, Daniel." She said, but he only laughed as he rubbed the spot of contact.

"So, are you going to go?" She didn't answer right away. Her mind was busy processing this new development at top speed.

In terms of her career, it was a no-brainer. There was no way she could turn down this opportunity. Still, it would mean leaving SG-1, maybe forever. She'd been down that road before and knew that she would miss her friends dearly. But in the end, it was the chance of a lifetime and there was no way she could say no.

"Damn it," she muttered, a response Daniel hadn't been expecting at all.

"Uh, Sam?" he inquired.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just not exactly thrilled with the idea of being so close to Rodney McKay again."

At this, Daniel laughed and pulled her in for a hug. "Congratulations, Sam," he added softly as he released her.

"Thanks, Daniel. Whoo, boy. I guess this means there's a lot to do. I'll have to figure out what to do with my house and car. I guess I could put things in storage."

"Not to worry. I'm sure the team be here for you, whatever you need."

"I take it you've already checked on the next flight out, since you knew you'd have to be returning."

"Yep. They didn't have one scheduled, but considering the nature of the situation, you've been cleared to take a plane back as soon as you're ready. They just need two hours notice."

"Okay, then. We'll head back first thing in the morning. I guess that leaves us with only one thing to do."

"And that is?," Daniel replied warily. He didn't like the strange look of glee on Sam's face when she'd said that.

"To read _your_ fortune, of course."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thanks for the many helpful reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Finding a fortune for Daniel that would fit the story arc was tricky, and I hope it doesn't give too much away. Please keep the reviews coming, though, and happy reading!**

"'The journey of hope begins and ends with love.'" Sam had to try really hard not to roll her eyes. "Daniel, why is it that you always get the sappy ones?"

"I have no idea," Daniel grimaced. "'Begins and ends with'...notice how it doesn't mention what the middle part is filled with?" He'd tried to sound funny but something about the way Sam cocked her head told him he'd failed

"What do you mean?" she asked. There couldn't be a topic that he was less interested in discussing.

"Nothing," he sighed. Turning a grin on Sam, he played it off. "Just my feeble attempt at humor. Ah, let's see..." He sat back, letting the words run through is mind. "Unfortunately, I think this one is self-explanatory. I've always found that I'm hopeful about the things that are really important to me. After all, you don't see much hope in apathy, do you?"

Sam watched at her friend, not able to shake the feeling that he was deliberately trying to evade talking to her about something.

"Of course, it could mean once you fall in love there's no hope left. I've certainly found that to be true," she stated. "But I think you might be right on this one."

"Are you kidding? I'm always right," he remarked, attempting smugness once again.

"Hey, watch it or I might have to start calling you Jack," Sam said.

"Ouch," Daniel smiled. "Harsh."

"Yep."

"So, what do you feel like doing now? I mean, it's only 7 pm."

_Sneaky, Daniel, changing the subject_. "I don't know. How about a movie? There's a collection of DVD's here and I haven't had time to watch any of them."

"Sounds good. Let's see... what are you in the mood for?"

"Um, I don't know. I'm pretty much up for anything as long as its not 'Star Wars' or 'The Lord of the Rings.' Honestly, if we spend one more team movie night watching either of those so called classics I think I'll put in for a transfer."

"Too late," Daniel grinned. Oh, yeah. Atlantis. "Our choices include: 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest,' the newest 'Pride & Prejudice,' 'X-Men: The Last Stand,' 'Stranger than Fiction.' or 'Cars.' You pick."

"Um, wow. Not a lot of choices. Still, it's a no-brainer. I can't pass up an opportunity to watch Johnny Depp."

Daniel snickered but wisely chose not to comment any further than, "You got it."

"Thirsty?" Sam called from the kitchenette.

"Um, no, I'm fine."

Coming to rest at one end of the couch, Daniel grabbed a throw pillow and propped up his arm. Sam sat at the other end and curled her legs underneath her just as the movie started. For the a while neither spoke, both absorbed in their thoughts more than the drama being played out on screen.

"Mind if I stretch my legs?"

"Hm? Oh, no, not all," Daniel said, as Sam did just that, her feet coming to rest on his legs.

"Thanks, that's much better." Daniel shot a small grin Sam's way before turning his gaze back to the screen. Sam, however, continued to examine the appearance of her long-time teammate.

She noticed, not for the first time, how unlike the Daniel Jackson of Abydos he was after years of being in the Stargate program. Relentless physical training had honed his musculature, and many women (and some men) had often found themselves admiring his handsome physique.

But beyond this, she absorbed the hints of circles under his eyes, the creases at the corners of his mouth and the lines in his brow. It looked like he hadn't been getting much sleep, which, while not the newest trick in the Dr. Jackson play book, had her worried.

She took in the way his shoulders seemed to be sagging, and her mind replayed his actions since he'd showed up unexpectedly. She'd noted how his smiles had at times seemed a bit forced, and how he seemed to be moving at a slower pace than usual for the upbeat archeologist.

In a word, Daniel looked weary.

Hmm... this wasn't good. His comment from earlier clicked and Sam knew something was deeply troubling him. She realized that she had to talk to him. After all, if their roles were reversed she knew for certain that Daniel would coax her troubles out of her, unrelentingly supporting his best friend.

"Daniel," she said softly, "you know that you can talk to me about anything, right? I mean, I'm always here for you."

She definitely had his attention, but he didn't look at her. Instead he hung his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Avoiding eye-contact. Not a good sign.

"I know that. I'm fine, Sam. Really."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"I don't know. Why don't you?" A bit of sarcasm had crept into his tone, which only confirmed that she was on to something.

"Gee, I don't know. Could it be because some thing's bothering you?" She made sure her irritation was evident as well. "Come on, Daniel. We've been friends too long. Don't think you're fooling me with your forced smiles and your fake positive attitude. Something is on your mind. If it were me, you wouldn't rest until I'd spilled my guts to you. Which is why I plan to give you a taste of your own medicine. I'm not going to stop bugging you until you tell me what's going on." _So there!_ she added silently to herself.

For a minute, Daniel studied at her. Then he rolled his eyes and sighed, deeply. Surrender at last.

"You're right, Sam. Some thing has been on my mind. I'm sorry I tried to keep it from you. But, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure how to put it into words. I guess it's not one thing, really. It's so many things, most of which add up to this big hole inside of me. I feel like I've lost my purpose. No, it's more than that. I feel like I've lost myself."

"Daniel, I had no idea." She sat up and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"I don't know exactly. For a while, I guess. I noticed it first some time after I descended, but at the time it wasn't a big deal. Now, though..." The words hung in the air, neither of them wishing to finish the sentence.

"I'm sorry, Daniel." She was at a loss. For Daniel, who was always so sure of the right course, always confident of himself and his actions, the moral center for the team, hell, the entire Stargate program, to feel so disconnected... it was hard to wrap her mind around. "Tell me everything."

"I don't think there's much to tell. I just feel... god, just so damn frustrated. We've beaten the Ori, but at what cost? And there's always a cost. It seems like all we've done since opening the gate is destroy lives. For every good thing we've done, I can name two atrocities we've knowingly or unknowingly caused. I used to think someday it would all make sense, you know, that we just didn't have the whole picture. But now, after we've defeated our biggest enemies and lost some of our dearest friends, what have we really gained? Was any of it even worth it?" His eyes begged her to understand, and Sam returned his gaze steadily. She did the only thing she could think of to comfort him, pulling him into a fervent embrace.

"For not having much to tell, I sure said a lot," he joked. Always putting up walls to protect himself, even from her.

"Daniel," she said forcibly, pulling back to look him directly in the face. He had to know she meant every word she was about to say. "I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt the same way when my Replicator double went free. The terror she unleashed because I was so blind... Believe me, I know. I think it's harder on those of us who usually have the answers, because we expect perfection from ourselves. No one else does, of course, but that doesn't stop _us_ from expecting it."

He allowed himself a small but genuine smile, and Sam relaxed a bit. Good. She was getting through to him.

"I wish I had the right words to make you feel better, but I don't. That's more your specialty. But I will tell you that you're not alone, and that I'm always here for you."

"Thanks, Sam. That means a great deal to me." They hugged again and Sam thought she felt him relaxing a bit.

"No more than your friendship means to me."

"Well, talking about that has now made me thirsty. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine." She watched him walk away, knowing he was really trying to put a little distance between them after being so vulnerable. "Don't forget to stock up on books before heading to Atlantis. I know how fast you read, and even though you'll be swamped I'm sure you'll run out quicker than you think. You can borrow some of mine, if you'd like."

Speaking of Atlantis... "Daniel, why wasn't Jack the one to tell me about the Atlantis posting and my promotion? After all, he is head of Homeworld Security."

"Ah. I wondered when that would come up. Honestly, Sam, he wanted you to hear it from someone you didn't feel like sucker punching."

"Oh, really?"

Daniel sighed. "Look, I know you might not believe this, but Jack really just wanted you to be able to celebrate this achievement without having all of your personal stuff get in the way."

"So, in other words, I'm not professional enough to keep my career and my personal life separate?"

"No, I don't think that's it at all. He just wanted things to be easier on you."

"But we'll have to work together eventually? Hell, he'll probably have to brief me when I get back to the SGC."

"True, but this way you can be prepared. It won't be the same as him just showing up on you."

Shit. Daniel was probably right, which meant Jack had probably been right. "I guess I can see that. Still makes him a coward."

"Oh, I don't doubt that part of it was based on self-preservation. Feel free to take all that anger out on him when you get the chance." Was he actually smiling right now? Awfully assumptive on Jack's part, thinking she wouldn't want to sucker punch Daniel.

"Don't grin too widely there, Dr. Jackson."

"Oh, come on, at least let me picture it for a minute: Jack with a busted lip, you with a sore fist."

Sam couldn't stop herself from picturing the same thing. She'd have to try to avoid actually doing that, since he would again be her CO. Unless she could sneak it in before making her promotion official...

"Uh-oh, I know that look. We'd better finish the movie before you can plot anything too dangerous. Or devious, as the case may be."

Sam chuckled and laid down, placing her head in Daniel's lap. They finished the movie without further talking, both content to share the other's company.

Later that night, a single thought flitted through Daniel's mind as sleep was closing in: _If only I could find someone like Sam._


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks for the reviews. Please continue to let me know what you think!**

_Breathe, Sam. Just breathe._ She repeated the mantra over and over to herself. In a few moments she was going to have to face Jack again, for the first time since... the last time. It hadn't really hit her until they'd arrived at the mountain and she'd noticed his SUV.

She knew she couldn't let anything get in her way of this challenging career twist. She'd lain awake the night before, letting the reality settle over her. She was going to LEAD the Atlantis expedition. A full colonel! And they'd told her she'd be lucky to make Major as a woman. She only wished her father were still alive to see it.

As she'd tried thinking of all the things she needed to pack and all the errands to be done before she could leave the galaxy, Sam realized that she was actually getting excited. A new adventure that she could really sink her teeth into was just what she needed.

She stood staring out the window of the briefing room, gazing down at the Stargate. It felt strange to know that she would be leaving the SGC with no idea when she'd be back. So many memories, so many friends. She had no doubt that she would make new sets of each, and she was thrilled to get started. But she couldn't help the sense of loss that washed over her as she studied the object she'd centered her life around for over 13 years.

A soft treading on the stairs alerted her to his presence. It was time, and Sam was astonished to find that she wasn't nearly as terrified as she'd expected.

"Hello, General," she said without turning.

"Carter," he said, coming to stand beside her. "Never gets old, does it?" He smiled at her, and she found the strength to smile back.

Jack cleared his throat. "I know Daniel has already filled you, but I wanted to make it official. Care to join me at the table?"

"Of course, sir," she complied.

"In front of you is a complete and up to date briefing manual on the Atlantis operation. Full reports and lots of other _useful_ information has been encrypted onto a laptop which you will receive shortly. It can be integrated with the Ancient technology you will encounter as part of the Atlantis systems.

There are some finer points I'd like to go over with you so that you'll be up to speed on the expectations of you in your new post." Jack continued on in this vein for 30 minutes, Sam listening intently. She was glad they'd gotten down to business because it allowed her to relax in his presence.

"That's pretty much it, Colonel. At 0900 tomorrow morning, an IOA representative will brief you, which will be followed by a conference call to the Atlantis base and the odious mountain of paperwork that comes with the territory. At 1200 we'll have your promotion ceremony. You'll gate to Atlantis at 1700, which should give you plenty of time to enjoy some punch. There's even talk of cake."

She smiled at him. He was still Jack.

"Thank you, sir. If there's nothing else, I'd like a chance to finish packing and getting things in order."

"Just one more thing. I'll need to bring you the laptop later this evening. Where will I be able to find you?"

It was decision time. She could meet him on base, limiting their ability to talk freely, But she knew they needed to clear the air and she didn't want to leave things on bad terms. "Well, sir, I had planned to spend the rest of the day off base making my final preparations. If you don't mind bringing it by my apartment later, say, around 1950, I should be done with everything."

"That'll be fine. Dismissed, Carter."

"Thank you, General." She strode determinedly from the room, feeling both relieved and anxious. There was a lot to do and not much time. She headed straight for Daniel's office. He'd agreed to spend the day helping her pack and she wanted to get started.

She heard a familiar sound as she approached: Daniel and Vala arguing.

"Oh, come on, Daniel. You have to ask her for me." Vala was whining to get her way. Nothing new there, Sam smiled. She was always trying to talk Daniel into something or other.

"Vala, I really think you should ask her yourself. After all, you will be the one responsible if something happens."

"Ooh," Vala pouted. "But the two of you are so much closer. At least promise me you'll put in a good word with Sam on my behalf."

"A good word about what?" Sam asked. She loved catching people unexpectedly, particularly when doing so produced the kind of expression Vala was now wearing.

Daniel shot Sam a look similar to what she was sure he'd had as a child on Christmas morning. "Hey, Sam. Perfect timing. Vala has something she'd like to ask you," he grinned, looking expectantly at Vala.

"Oh, alright!" Vala exclaimed. "A fat lot of help you are," she muttered under her breath. "Samantha, darling, I have a serious question to ask of you."

"Alright, go ahead." Sam was trying very hard not to laugh at the face Daniel was making. Vala must have been bugging him for a while now because he was certainly enjoying this opportunity to get her back by putting her in the hot seat.

"Well, first let me say congratulations on taking over the Atlantis Expedition. It's a terrible tragedy, what's happened to Elizabeth, but I think you're the right person for the job and I'm sure you'll perform splendidly."

"Get on with it, Vala. You don't have to butter her up," Daniel sighed.

"So, I can't give a single and, might I add, much deserved, compliment out to a close friend without it being manipulative? Really, Daniel, I'm insulted. Anyway," she said, make a show of turning back to Sam and plastering a huge smile on her face. "I find myself in need of lodging. My apartment building is apparently located in the ideal spot for a highway, and I've been give 30 days to move out. I've been looking for a new place without much luck, but since your home is going to be vacant for a while, I thought perhaps we could help each other out."

"Hmm... I'm listening," Sam said. She would have preferred to tease Vala, but the time crunch she was under didn't really allow for that.

"Well, I was thinking that I could rent your home from you while you're away, or at least part of it. I would use your spare room and keep up the property for you. If it turns out that you decide to sell it, I'll even help put it on the market and showcase it for you. But at least I'd have some more time to find something a bit more permanent."

"Huh. Vala. I think that's a great idea."

"Really? That's fantastic! Oh, Samantha, you're a life saver. The thought of having to return to one of the dull VIP rooms after working so hard to get my own place off base was dreadful!"

"Actually, this will work out much better for me. I won't have to worry about getting my things into storage."

"See," Daniel said knowingly. "You didn't need me after all."

"Oh, shut it," Vala said, rolling her eyes.

"Why don't you come by around 5 o'clock tonight and we'll iron out all the details."

"Perfect." With a pointed look at Daniel, Vala turned and left them alone.

Daniel watched her, a deep sigh of relief escaping from him.

"So?" Daniel said.

"So," Sam shrugged.

"I see. Are you going to talk to him about the other stuff later?" Daniel asked as he stood and put on his jacket.

"Yeah. He's coming by my place tonight to bring me some equipment that I'll be taking to Atlantis."

"At least that way you can speak privately," Daniel added. "What time?"

"Around 7:30 pm. I figured we'd be done by then."

"Should be. Um, by the way, I hope chicken salad sounds okay for lunch. Meg made a batch for me, not realizing I wouldn't be eating on base today, and I didn't want her to feel bad so I asked her to fix it to go."

"Sounds great," Sam grinned. Daniel knew that look and chose to ignore it, not wanting to explain for the thousandth time that there was nothing going on between the base cook and himself. _Or any of the nurses. Or airmen or -women. Or aliens, either on base or off. Or anyone at all. God, I'm bordering on pathetic, here._

"Good. I'll go grab it and meet you top side."

"Okay."

* * *

It was 7:15 pm, according to the clock on her living room wall. A clock which she knew was five minutes fast.

Daniel had left with Vala an hour ago and Sam had set about getting ready. She was, for the most part, all packed. Unless of course she changed her mind and decided to take something else. It was hard to know what she'd need until she got there. Daniel had told her that they'd send along anything else she forgotten with the next supply shipment, but checking and rechecking her belongings gave her something to concentrate on.

She tried sitting on the couch and watching some TV, hoping it would help her relax, but she just ended up flipping channels, not able to settle on anything. She tried reading a book, but couldn't focus on the words. In the end she just paced the room, waiting for him to knock.

She'd been thinking about this conversation in the back of her mind all afternoon, and she was ready to get it over with. It was the same feeling she got right before entering battle. The anxious soldier ready to put a plan into action.

She knew they had to get everything out in the open so she could start moving on. She had to let him know that she wasn't going to pine away after him, or spend the next ten years crying over what could have been. She'd already wasted too much time on this relationship.

The sound that she'd been waiting to hear shattered the silence. It was time.

She opened the door, standing aside so that he could easily get past her.

"Good evening, General," she said.

"Sam," he nodded, signaling that he wanted to forgo the military formalities. "First things first. Here's the laptop," he said, extending a black messenger bag to her. "It's loaded up and ready to go."

"Ah, thanks. Why don't you have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?" She carried the bag into the kitchen glad to have a minute to recoup. Damn it, he looked good. He was wearing khaki slacks and a black t-shirt, one her favorite combos on him. _Breathe, Sam._ Taking her own advice, she steadied herself and turned around.

"No, thanks."

She went back into the living room and sat in her overstuffed arm chair. Jack had chosen a seat on the couch. They both sat leaning forward, elbows resting on their knees, hands folded in front of them.

"Listen, Sam,"he began nervously before Sam stopped him.

"Actually, Jack, I'd like to go first. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to say and I'm afraid if I don't get it all out now I'll forget something and never forgive myself." She paused, waiting for him to give her permission. He nodded for her to continue. A deep steadying breath, and Sam went on.

"I'm still hurt that we can't be together, Jack. A part of me still wants to wake up and find out the past few have been a bad dream. But I have realized that its real, and I'm starting to accept that." Her gaze was on her hands, but her voice was steady

"I wish I could say that I didn't have regrets, but that's not true. I don't regret loving you, but I do regret choosing not to talk about what I wanted sooner. I think on some level I always suspected that it wouldn't work between us so I kept putting the conversation off. In the end, I can only blame myself for that.

"I've come to understand, in some ways, how you feel. But," she said, finally looking him in the eyes, "I'm worth more than what you've given me. You should never have led me to believe we could have more when you couldn't give it."

Jack stared unflinchingly back, willingly taking this punishment. Sam could feel the tears gathering in her eyes as she saw Jack nod. Still, she had to finish this.

"I know now that I have to move on. I have to let you go, so that I can find someone who will be able to give me everything I want and deserve."

"I agree, Sam. I want you to be happy, and I know that you can still have the family you've always wanted. Just... not with me."

Sam just looked back at him sadly, not really knowing what else to say.

"I'll always care for you Sam," Jack added.

"I'll always care for you, Jack," Sam replied.

At that, he stood and pulled Sam into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair.

"I know," she uttered. For a moment they stood, tears finally slipping down Sam's cheeks. Then, knowing she'd have to break the contact, she pulled away.

"I think you should go now, Jack."

"Yeah," he said. "Good luck in Atlantis, Sam. Stay safe"

"Thanks," she smiled, wiping the wetness from her face. She watched him leave with a pained smile, knowing that he took with him the last of her hopes for a shared future. She stood there for a while, then crossed the room to lock the door, feeling her self strengthen as the lock slid into place.

It was done. She could heal now.

She turned silently from the door and made her way to her bedroom. There was only one thing left to pack.

She hefted the porcelain picture frame from her bedside table. It was a snapshot of her and Jack taken three years ago at the barbecue celebrating his promotion. Teal'c had taken it when they weren't looking. She and Jack were smiling at each other, absorbed in conversation. She'd cherished the picture before because of the love that was so evident on each of their faces.

She crossed to the closet. Sighing, she gently placed the frame on the shelf, then closed the doors. She was leaving Jack on earth and creating a fresh start in Atlantis. A spark of hope was growing within her, the fire of it gently melding the pieces of her heart back together.

_I'm going to be okay,_ Sam thought as she crawled into bed later that night, a genuine smile playing across her lips. _Look out, Pegasus Galaxy. Here I come!_


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sorry for the delay in posting, but I wanted to get this chapter right. I thought about skipping it and revealing some of this later, but the requests for some S/D action convinced me it was time. I hope you like it. Please continue to read and review, and thanks for all your comments to date!**

_It took him a moment to understand the picture before him. There was Sam, that much was easy to recognize, but why was he with her here?_

_She was leaning into the cold, silver banister, peering out onto a seemingly endless ocean, her soft beauty at odds with the hard metal of the structure._

_The fading rays of the sun played through the golden tones of her hair as a few tendrils escaped the tight braid at the nape of her neck._

_He watched as she closed her eyes and breathed deeply of the sea air. She was stunning, and for a moment he was struck with the undeniable urge to go to her and wrap his arms about her slender frame. _

_Before he could do anything, however, a sound broke the gentle silence. Sighing deeply, he heard her say, "I knew it was too good to last," a slight smile on her lips. Tapping the ear piece she always wore while on duty, her strong voice commanded, "Go ahead."_

"_Lt. Colonel Sheppard to Colonel Carter. Do you read me?" Her brow furrowed. He wondered at the breathlessness of Sheppard's whispered voice, and something else that sounded distinctly like panic._

"_Go ahead, Sheppard," she demanded._

"_It's the Wraith, ma'am. Somehow they have breached the city's barriers. We've counted at least ten since we became aware of their presence. We were attempting radio silence so as to avoid tipping them off, but I just received word that one has been spotted near your position. I'm moving toward you with a team but be advised that-" Static cut off any more of his words._

_Sam was already moving towards the building, moving, he noted, with swiftness, caution and determination._

_She was at the doors that opened from the balcony into the main structure of the Ancient city when she stopped dead in her tracks, a look of fear frozen on her surprised face._

_Less than two feet separated her from a massive Wraith. He was at least seven feet tall with extremely broad shoulders that were covered with glossy white hair. A large, angled brow and sharp teeth stood in sharp contrast to his oddly humanoid features. Ugly, of course, as all Wraith were. He wore an expression of undisguised amusement._

"_It will give me great pleasure to drain the life from you," he said in the gruff timbre of his race._

"_Is that so?" she asserted bravely. She was reaching for the side arm she always carried, a look of extreme concentration on her lovely face. It was a look the watcher had seen and knew meant she was thinking of potential escape routes. A slight trembling in her chin told him she didn't have a viable option._

_Her towering enemy only laughed and advanced on her._

_She tried to run while whipping out her weapon, but it was no use. The powerful Wraith covered the distance between them in two easy strides, knocking the gun from her arm before she could even take aim. A stark white hand clapped against her chest._

_The observer was frozen with fear, helpless to do anything but watch the terrible scene playing out. The _

_Wraith took his time. He watched as the life drained from her graceful body, her skin wrinkling and hair graying with age before his very eyes. He felt his own strength weakening at the sight. He couldn't help wishing he were dying with her, because he had no idea how could he possibly live without._

"Sam!" Daniel shouted with grief, waking from his sleep covered in sweat and tears, his sheets tangled around his body. He struggled to take in the surroundings of his apartment, his racing heart and ragged breath the by products of the all too real dream.

Casting his gaze around and finally alighting upon a team photo of SG-1 that was perched on his beside table, he was pulled back to the present. The clock nearby read 3:58 am.

Trying to calm himself he rose and headed straight for his bathroom. Splashing cool water repeatedly onto his face, he concentrated on taking deep breaths. He could still feel the adrenaline causing his muscles to vibrate, but his heart was starting to slow. He turned the water off, dried his face and stumbled to the kitchen.

After guzzling a large glass of cool water, Daniel made his way back to his bedroom.

He had tried to think only calming thoughts while doing all this, knowing after years of countless nightmares that only after he had achieved some semblance of a relaxed state would he be able to understand the emotions colliding within him.

Now, however, he couldn't help himself. He replayed the scene over and over again, watching Sam's body grow lifeless, knowing he couldn't stop it. Tears stung his eyes once more, and he cursed himself.

"Damn it, Daniel. It was only a dream. Get a grip." The words helped to steady his body's physical reactions, but his feeling were a mess.

Sam was leaving for Atlantis tomorrow and he was genuinely happy for her. She deserved this promotion and the added responsibility, having shown time and again that she was capable of a great deal. He had always believed that she was capable of great things, and had often fought to see her get the credit she deserved, even arguing for her to take over SG-1 instead of Colonel Makepeace to General Hammond when Jack gone undercover to help the Asgard and Tolan.

More than that, though, was the fact that he knew this promotion had been good for her. He had watched as the challenge lying ahead focused her energy and gave her hope that she'd heal.

He could still admit to being somewhat jealous, as he'd dreamed of having the chance to live and learn in Atlantis since he discovered it. But it was the jealousy of a friend, nothing serious.

But that didn't mean the Pegasus Galaxy was all fun and games. There were real enemies and threats waiting for Sam there, and Daniel hadn't realized until now what could happen to her while she was away. There was a distinct chance that she would never return.

The Wraith were a merciless enemy that had the definite goal of finding and feeding on as many humans as possible from the Milky Way. Of course, the first had to discover the location of Earth, bu that didn't make the threat any less real. He'd read the mission reports over the years and talked with many of the Atlantis expedition members on his last trip. It was no doubt that some had paid a great price to gain the opportunity to study the mysteries of the race who built the Stargate's.

And Sam could be next.

The thought caused his heart to twist painfully within him, followed swiftly by panic.

It wasn't the first time he'd contemplated losing one of his teammates, or Sam in particular. They lived dangerous lives, and that was something they each had to accept. Eventually they would all die, and there was no reason to think it might not happen on an alien planet millions of light years from Earth, or at the hands of an enemy. Their mortality was something they dealt with on a daily basis.

Such thoughts were never easy, but he'd learned to put them into context over the years. No, it wasn't simply Sam's death that had caused his reaction.

"Oh, shit," he said.

He thought he'd dealt with all of this long ago. He and Sam were friends. _Just friends, _he told himself uselessly.

_But you haven't always wanted it to be that way, _another voice replied. Damn his own sense of honesty.

It was true that he had often recognized Sam's unique beauty, which, combined with her strength and intelligence, made her the most remarkable woman he'd ever known and ever hoped to know.

He had often been attracted to her, often wondering what a relationship with her would be like, but he'd kept his thoughts in check. Sam wasn't interested in him that way, and having her as a friend was enough.

Then he'd descended. It was odd, really, how some things looked after coming back from the dead. One of these things was his overwhelming response to Sam.

It had terrified him when she'd walked up to him on Vis Uban for the very first time, the look of utter joy in her eyes. His heart felt such a reaction to her that out of sheer protection he'd rejected her. He didn't know anything about himself and the force of his emotions had almost overwhelmed him.

He had been yearning to ask the question from the moment she entered the tent. A part of him didn't want to know, but he couldn't stop himself from asking her as she was leaving. "Was there anything between us?"

Her answer had confused him for reasons he couldn't explain, a confusion that peeked his curiosity to the point where he had to go back with them. His connection to her was so strong and he wanted to understand it.

As the months had gone by and his memories returned, he knew she had spoken the truth as she'd known it. He hadn't told her, so how could she have known the passion he had buried whenever it had surfaced.

He'd pined for her for that first year almost non-stop. But through their friendship he'd come to understand that she loved Jack and that Jack loved her. He wanted his friends to be happy, and if Jack made Sam happy he could, he would, live with that.

He'd shoved away all his feelings for her, tightly, once he'd discovered that Jack and Sam had slept together. Sam and Jack were going to be together. She was his, that was all there was to it, and continuing to yearn for her was only preventing him from finding his own happiness.

It had been hard, but he'd his dreams of a romantic relationship with her go. He ruled himself with an iron will, quickly locking away any errant thoughts about her. Eventually there had come a day when he could be with her and simply enjoy her company. He had been relieved and content that he could consider her as just a friend.

And so it had been, for the last two years. He liked the easy companionship they shared, and he never let himself linger on thoughts of anything more.

_It was just a dream, _he thought vehemently. He would not do this to himself. He would not open himself up to that kind of pain.

Realizing further sleep was out of the question, he rose and showered. He'd head over to the base and work on something, a surefire way to deal with his thoughts.

His rationalized all morning that his dream meant nothing, so much so that when the time came to attend Sam's medal ceremony, he almost believed it.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! This chapter was my way of resolving SG-1's goodbye for Sam. I felt that just having Teal'c in this particular Atlantis episode wasn't realistic. SG-1 would never have missed sending Sam off. I hope you enjoy. Please tell me if I'm getting the characters right, because that's very important to me. Also, I've realized that this will probably be an Atlantis/SG-1 Crossover from this point until Sam returns. For those unfamiliar with the Atlantis world, I'll try to explain things without beating you over the head, in case you are an Atlantis fan :-) (Seriously consider checking out the series on DVD, it's hilarious.) Okay... on with the show!**

Sam stood staring at the boxes that now filled her lab. There were the remnants of the ten years worth of work that she'd done here at the SGC. To see it all arranged so neatly in the file boxes was bittersweet.

The promotion ceremony had been an emotional roller coaster. The whole thing was happening so fast, and a part of Sam felt like she hadn't had enough time to wrap her mind around everything.

During the reception, Sam was sure she'd hugged a hundred people she'd never met before. It wasn't everyday that a woman was made a full Colonel of the United States Air Force, and it seemed every female on the base had made an appearance in recognition. Some openly commented on her success, while most just gave her a knowing smile. She was happy to share this moment with them.

She sighed deeply and glanced at her watch. It had been five minutes since Vala had left. The members of SG-1 had all spoken to her during the gathering, but it seemed that each one wanted a personal moment with her. She hadn't been here a full minute before Cam had come in.

"Hope you didn't let that punch go to your head," he drawled from the doorway.

She turned and smiled. "Not a chance."

He sauntered into her lab and leaned against the table there.

"Listen, Sam, for what it's worth, I'm glad we had the opportunity to serve together. I learned a lot from you."

"Thanks, Cam."

"I know we don't have the same history as you, Teal'c and Jackson, but I think of you as one of my best friends."

"Me too."

"Congratulations. You deserve this." He pulled her in for a quick hug, then released her. "Well, anyway, I've got to run. There's a new set of SGC recruits coming in tomorrow and I've still got some details I need to take care of." It was an excuse. They both knew the others would want their turn.

"Give 'em hell," she laughed.

"Will do, ma'am," he said, acknowledging her new rank. "Oh, and Colonel," he added as he left, "be careful."

She grinned at his retreating form. A few moments went by before Vala stumbled in.

"I still think you're crazy to leave me here as the only female member of SG-1. I mean, honestly, I don't mind sharing."

A part of Sam had always admired Vala's overt sexuality, but it had still taken time to get used to. Now, however, she just rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the gesture," Sam said. "Don't worry. I was the only female on the team for eight years. You'll be fine."

The two talked for a few more minutes. Vala assured Sam repeatedly that she would take good care of her home, while Sam assured Vala that she trusted her. The two hugged for the last time, and Sam sighed in relief as Vala left.

Now she sat, thinking of all the goodbye's she said today but dreading the two that were next.

"I'd ask for a hug, but something tells me that you might hurt me." Daniel's affectionate tone widened Sam's smile as she turned to face her friend.

"You bet your ass I would," she grinned.

"I had no idea you were so popular," he joked, referring no doubt to the endless stream of strangers who had congratulated her earlier.

"I'm not. It was the punch. I think Jack spiked it."

"Really? Hmm..." Daniel quizzically peered into the red cup he held in his hand. "That explains a lot," he muttered.

Sam only laughed as she took in the sight of her dear friend. He was still wearing his charcoal suit from the ceremony and, boy, did he clean up nicely. The man could wear Abydonian robes, an air force uniform or a three piece suit and still look, well, _hot_. She was a lucky woman to work with such good looking men, she thought, not for the first time

But now, she wouldn't be working with them. Thoughts of SG-1's continued missions without her seized her mind, and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Was she doing the right thing?

"So," Daniel said as he ventured into her office, breaking into her musings, "are you ready?" She watched as his eyebrows shot upward. Once again, he knew what she was thinking.

"I think so," she said after a moments pause.

"So that's a no." He made the statement lightly, as if it were a foregone conclusion that a person was never ready to lead a huge military and civilian expedition in another galaxy. She supposed he was right. "You don't have to worry, Sam. I know you'll be the best thing that's ever happened to Atlantis." The confidence he had in her and the reassuring quality of his voice was soothing and chased away some of the butterflies that were in her stomach.

"Thanks, Daniel."

She watched as he pulled a small, wrapped box from the inside pocket of his jacket. It was about the size of a thick CD case.

"What's that?" she asked skeptically.

"This," Daniel sighed, "is the going away present you told me you didn't want but knew I'd get you anyway."

She laughed again. "Can't take a girl at her word, can you, Dr. Jackson?"

"Actually," Daniel said as he crossed his arms, his brow furrowing in confusion. He was giving the matter serious thought. "No, I don't think I can." He seemed surprised by this revelation, but it only added to her amusement.

"There's a catch, though," he smirked.

"Oh, really?" Figures.

"Yep. You can't open it until you're in Atlantis and you're suffering some serious homesickness. Not just the little stuff, I'm talking about the wondering-if-you-did-the-right-thing-and-wishing-you-could-go-back-to-the-days-where-you-could-tinker-with-alien-gadgets-instead-of-dealing-with-the-inevitable-crap-that-comes-with-a-command kind of homesick."

She sighed dramatically. "And what's to stop me from opening it early?" she asked.

"You wouldn't dare," he asserted smugly. Damn it, he was right.

"Alright, fine."

"Good," he said, handing it to her.

"Can I at least have a clue about what's inside?" she asked as she gently shook the box. A soft shifting that could indicate any number of things was all she could hear.

"Nope."

She stared at the sage green wrapping paper and shiny blue bow for a moment, trying to guess how long it would be until she opened the gift. Would she miss home the minute she stepped through the gate? That night? After a week? A month? A year?

Suddenly the weight of the separation hit her full force again. She had no idea when she'd see this office again, or share a laugh with this man. Tears fell down her cheeks as she silently acknowledged all that she was giving up.

"Hey, it's okay," Daniel said, pulling her into his arms. She knew he was berating himself for being so stupid as to remind her of how painful it was going to be to leave.

"I know. I'm just really going to miss you," she said softly.

"I'm going to miss you, too," he said as he rubbed circles onto her back. "But," he said, pushing away from her, "today is about celebrating the road ahead of you."

"I guess," she sighed.

"Remember, Sam," he said, holding her face in his hands, "you're an incredibly strong, intelligent woman. There's nothing you can't do."

She nodded but looked away. "I hope you're right," she whispered.

He gently placed a hand under her chin until she was looking into his eyes. "I know I am. I'll always be here for you, Sam. Always." The deep affection Daniel had for her shone through his eyes, and for a moment, Sam thought about kissing him. His soft lips were so close, and suddenly there was nothing else she wanted to do more than to feel them against her own

Before she could act, however, he pulled her in for another hug. She shook her head, thinking that the stress of this move was doing crazy things to her brain.

"I'm really going to miss you," she repeated, tears again falling from her eyes.

"I'll miss you, too." He squeezed her a bit tighter, as if he were trying to freeze time. Then, sighing, he released her. He wiped the tears from her eyes as she once again turned her attention to the gift.

"Thank you, Daniel. For everything."

"You're welcome," he said sincerely, placing his hands in his pants pockets, his head bent, a brilliant smile playing across his lips.

"I'd better get going. Teal'c's next," he said, smiling.

"Yeah. I'll see you in the Gate room." He held her gaze for another moment, then turned and walked briskly from the room.

Sam took a deep breath, then opened the suitcase on her lab table. She placed the package at the bottom of the case, in a vain attempt to keep her curiosity about its contents out of her mind. _Damn you, Daniel. You knew I'd obsess about what's in there, didn't you? _She smiled to herself and repositioned the clothing.

As she was finishing up, another familiar voice spoke from the doorway. "On the day I left Chulak, Master Bra'tac said to me, 'Draw from your past, but do not let your past draw from you.'"

"That's good advice," Sam said as, smiling, she faced her friend. "Still, I know I'm going to miss this place, and all of you."

A wide smile consumed the normally stoic Jaffa's face. "I would have been offended had you felt otherwise." He continued walking towards her, hands behind his back but his position somehow relaxed. She wished she was as relaxed as he seemed.

"Ten years is a long time." She nodded and looked at him with slightly tear filled eyes. God, would she ever stop crying?

"It has been ten years well spent. We have defeated many enemies and overcome numerous threats."

"It was never dull," she agreed.

"We have accomplished much here. But now it is Atlantis that is in need of you. "

Sam looked away and then down at her hands. "Yeah. Part of me's looking forward to going, but," she said, her voice breaking slightly as the tears fully formed in her eyes, " you know, there's a part of me that thinks that maybe it's too soon, that I'm leaving my work here unfinished."

"Your work will continue, only in a different place," he gently reassured her. "You have been bestowed an incredible honor, Colonel Carter, and I believe you should embrace it. And know this," he added, "though we will not be leaving with you, SG-1 will never be far away."

"Yeah," she said smiling through the tears. "So I can expect you guys to come and visit sometime?"

"Undomesticated equines could not keep me away." Sam couldn't remember when Teal'c had begun rewording common cliches for fun, but he had a talent for knowing exactly which one to use.

"Nice callback," she said as they embraced.

"Indeed," he replied gently.

Pulling back, Sam nodded. "Alright," she said, wiping the tears from her face. "Time to go."

Together they walked to the Gate room. General Landry, Jack, and Richard Woolsey of the IOA stood to the left of SG-1, who had lined up at the base of the ramp. Teal'c took his place as the end of the line, and the gate exploded behind them.

"Good luck, Colonel Carter," Walter said through the intercom of the technician's room.

"Godspeed, Colonel," seconded Landry, adopting a formal military salute that was quickly repeated by the forty or so airmen lining the walls of the room, as well as Jack and Cam.

"Thanks," she said, returning the salute. Taking a deep breath and clenching her suitcase tightly, she turned purposefully and strode up the ramp.

Just before she crossed the event horizon's threshold, she looked back once more and found Daniel watching her intently, the smile on his face not doing much to hide the pain in his eyes. "Good bye," he mouthed.

She smiled sadly in return. Turning once more, she quickly stepped through the gate. _Good bye, Daniel._


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: So sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! I started school and quickly remembered why I'd put off finishing for so long! I'm hoping to have this story completed before fall term starts, but no promises. Please let me know what you think! :-)**

"_Dear Daniel_,"

Sam stared at the words on her computer screen and took a deep breath. That was the easy part.

She'd started keeping a diary of sorts during her first year in SG-1. She'd found that writing mission reports allowed her to organize her professional thoughts after the dangerous adventures she and the team had embarked on. They did nothing, though, for her emotions. Doing what they did, facing what they faced on a regular basis... it was enough to drive a person insane. She'd been consumed with the rawness of her emotions after the first few missions, and she knew she needed a way to cope with it all. The scientist in her needed to catalog it and dissect it. She needed to get it all out on paper.

She always found time to complete her entries, regardless of her work load. It became a necessary part of her life. After a year she found she couldn't even sleep after a mission until she'd put it all into perspective. That was, of course, until Daniel died.

She'd tried for days to put anything, anything at all, into words. She tried writing about the early part of the mission, before it had all gone so terribly wrong. But all she could do was stare at the blank screen as tears poured from her eyes. Her fingers refused to move as the horrible images of his bleeding, bandaged, dying body played over and over in her mind. So she abandoned the cause.

Their next mission took them to Adara and Hiemdall's lab. Naturally, they'd all put their lives on the line and Thor had ended up in a coma. It was another exhausting mission and her emotions were a mess. She was struggling so much with Daniel's death, and now Thor might be lost forever. She knew what she had to do, and finally, blessedly, she found she could write.

She'd gasped as she read the screen. Instead of writing "_Dear Diary_," as she had always done, she'd written "_Dear Daniel_." His name caught her off guard, and fresh tears stung her eyes. She would never be able to communicate with him again, but maybe, in this way, she could keep their friendship alive.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world, to tell Daniel all her secrets. So she did. She wrote pages and pages about his death, his bravery, and, mostly, how much she missed him with every fiber of her being. As she did so, she imagined what his responses would be and found that she was more comforted than she'd ever thought possible.

It was the same with every entry. There were times when SG-1 was on a mission and she couldn't wait to tell "_Daniel_" all about it. It made her feel like he was still there, still with her wherever she went.

Even after he returned to the team, she continued writing to "_Daniel_." She never asked herself why. She just kept pouring out her heart to him mission after mission.

It was no different now that she was in Atlantis. It had been an odd few days, but in a very good way. She'd known from the moment she stepped through the gate that this was going to be the most difficult challenge she'd ever faced, and she hadn't been disappointed. She needed to regroup, and writing in her diary seemed the perfect way to do so.

_I don't know what I've gotten myself into. The staff has been, for the most part, cordial and accepting. I'm still an outsider, even to the people who knew me before. John seems to look at me differently, but that's to be expected. I'm his commanding officer now. Is it okay that saying that still feels strange?_

_Rodney has been... well, Rodney! He's still arrogant, but in a more relaxed sort of way. I think Atlantis has been good for him, and I'm very much looking forward to working with him here._

_Perhaps it's a by product of spending so many years as part of SG-1, but I find myself forming a special relationship with the member's of John's team. They are all brilliant at what they do, but their feelings for Elizabeth are so strong. Her loss is evident everywhere I turn. I saw it in John's eyes when he showed me to her office. Even now, it's not my office. Not yet. I know that it's not personal. Still, I can't help but feeling like some sort of invader. _

_Ronan Dex took the change especially hard. He wanted to resign, which put me in a tough spot. It felt very much like I was a teacher on the first day of school, and he was that kid who has to test the waters right away. The whole situation got worse before it got better. (Not surprising in the least, since the Stargate program is involved.) But in the end we came to respect each other, and I know I'm going to enjoy working with him._

_I'm having trouble sleeping here. No matter how hard I try, it doesn't feel like home yet. I'm not used to the salt air that permeates every room of this place. The first time I visited here I wondered why the Ancient technology couldn't do a better job of scrubbing it from the air, but now I know. They liked it. I'm growing to like it, too, but it's still so new._

_You'll be happy to know that I didn't think about Jack for the first 48 hours. When I realized how long it'd been, it was bittersweet. I know I'll be able to put the pain behind me, but with it will go my dreams and a part of me wants to keep holding on. _

_I really should go to bed now. I haven't opened your present yet, in case you were wondering. When I do, I'll be sure to let you know._

_Good night,_

_Sam_

* * * *

_Dear Daniel,_

_What a week! I'm not even sure I know where to begin. I definitely feel "broken in."_

_John's team encountered an alien race that lives in crystals. Yep, you guessed it. Not a good thing! Unlike the race we encountered, this race seems bent on destruction. It traveled back through the gate inside Sheppard's body, and transferred from team member to team member, eventually making its way to the electrical systems of the city. It caused those carrying it to have terribly realistic nightmares featuring John that literally terrified the base. It even caused the death of one of the Expedition members._

_I was scared, Daniel. I always am when my people's lives are on the line. _

_Before you say anything, don't get me wrong. I know I'm a good leader. I know when to be strong, and I know how to use my gut in situations like these. I've honed my senses over the years, and I don't second guess myself._

_No, my fear is not that I've made the wrong decision; it's that I don't know all the consequences of the right decision. Only time will tell if my fear is founded._

_I'm settling in better now. Still not sleeping too well, but that's not just the new location. I also have piles of work to do. I've forgotten how much paperwork comes with a command, let alone a command of this size. I've finally caught up on the current mission reports and I've completed my first set of IOA briefings. I've met all the staff and had meetings with the department heads, and I'm beginning to feel like one day I might actually know what I'm doing._

_I rearranged my office so that it feels more like my space than Elizabeth's. John didn't like it at first. Not that he said anything. I could just tell. He wasn't the only one, either. But it was the right thing to do. They've got to start thinking of me as a permanent member of the team so that we can build our trust. It's the only way I'll be able to do my job._

_I thought about you today. The software from the virtual reality pods __we took from P7J-989 gave us the solution we needed to confront the alien entity. As I watched Rodney and John battle an enemy in their subconscious minds, I couldn't help remembering the day we watched your parents die again and again. It remains one of my most horrendous memories to date. I wanted so badly to make it all stop, to make your pain go away._

_I remember the talk we shared after that mission. It was the first time I'd talked about my mom's death in so long, but I felt it was only right to share that pain with you as you shared yours with me. I remember how you turned to me and told me that you think of your parents every time we encounter a new planet. You told me about how they were always in awe of the wonders of the world, and how badly you wished you could share with them all that you've seen. I didn't tell you then, but all I could think about was how glad I was that I got to share it all with you._

_I wish you were here now. You, Teal'c, Mitchell and Vala. It feels wrong somehow to be doing this on my own._

_I was very tempted to open your present today, but I knew it wasn't the right time. Something tells me I'm going to miss you a lot more in the weeks to come._

_I think I'll go see if there's any food left. I worked through dinner and now I'm paying the price. I know, I know. I'll eat right tomorrow, I promise._

_Hugs,_

_Sam_

_* * * *_

"Please make sure any files you wish to be included in the data-burst to Earth are properly labeled, encrypted, and stored in the mainframe before noon today. Any files not transferred on time will not be sent until the next regularly scheduled check-in."

Sam heard the warning over the comm system and reminded herself that she still had the mornings files to transfer. She had thirty minutes to go, but every time she sat down to take care of it something called her away. Now she was down to the wire.

She hastily highlighted the desired files on her desktop and made sure they were all properly encrypted. A beep in her ear, followed by the voice of Jennifer Keller requesting her, interrupted the process. Sam touched her ear piece and listened as they doctor updated her on the condition of Major Reynolds. After listening intently, Sam thanked her and turned back to work.

Realizing she'd lost even more time, she set about her task with renewed haste, only to be interrupted a moment later by Rodney. He was complaining about Zelenka's files not being properly compressed, which Sam interpreted to mean Zelenka's files were taking up more space the Rodney's. She sighed, told him she was confident that Dr. Zelenka understood the compression requirements and removed her earpiece so she couldn't be interrupted again.

She once again selected the files and worked through the process of moving them to the main server. She glanced at her watch and quickly went to the operations deck. It was exactly noon.

"Dial it up, Major."

"Yes, ma'am."

Sam went through the routine check-in procedures. No sooner had the wormhole disconnected than she was called away again, this time to deal with some fluctuations in the power grid. She spent the day in a blur of mundane activity. She fell asleep exhausted that night, never once suspecting that her diary files had accidentally been sent to the SGC.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I just realized that this story has become AU due to oversight rather than planning. I completely forgot that Sam was on the Apollo, which was sent to the Pegasus Galaxy to search for Atlantis when it went missing. In this story line, it was someone else who was sent to save the day. I really intended to have this story be as true to cannon as possible, but it doesn't really change the plot so I'm not too worried. Thanks for the reviews, and enjoy!**

* * * *

It was no use. Daniel had to admit it to himself – he was getting absolutely no work done.

He blamed part of it on sleep deprivation. He hadn't gotten more than a few hours sleep every night for the last three weeks, and there was no sign of this changing.

Sam's departure had left him feeling lonelier than he'd felt in a very long time. He'd tried to immerse himself in work, scouring his department for translations he could assist with or any other project he could get his hands on. He'd even considered taking some time to study the Asgard core at Area 51. He'd tried everything he could think of but found himself more frustrated than ever. It was the first time this tactic had failed him and he had no idea what to do.

His mind flashed back to the morning's breakfast.

"Damn it!" Daniel had exclaimed as the hot coffee that should be in his cup burned the skin on his hand. Sighing, he went to the sink and ran cool water over it. Not a major burn, an unpleasant experience nonetheless.

"Careful Jackson," Mitchell called out to him. "That's the third time this week I've seen you injure yourself."

Daniel ignored him and took his customary seat at the table.

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson, you have seemed most preoccupied." His two teammates were staring at him in a way that told Daniel they wanted answers. He dropped his head and sipped his drink, knowing it would only put off the inevitable.

"Come on, what gives?" Mitchell demanded.

"It's nothing. I just haven't been sleeping that well." He looked at his friends to show them he was being sincere.

It wasn't only nightmares that kept him awake. If that was all, he could handle it. He'd been plagued by nightmares all his life.

No, it was the good dreams that made him want to stay awake as long as possible. It was the thoughts of seeing Sam's smile, touching her face, kissing her... Daniel shook his head. Yes, those were the dangerous thoughts that were keeping him up at night.

He'd reassured his friends that he was fine and hastily retreated to his office. At least here he wouldn't have to worry about someone finding out what was going on with him.

If he was being completely honest with himself, though, it was more than lack of sleep. He was, in a word, depressed.

It was an usual state for Daniel to find himself in. Not that he hadn't had his fair share of difficult times. There were a thousand memories he could recall that would force any normal person to have seriously dark thoughts. He'd usually found a way to cope with them, though. He'd always bounced back.

But this time, he just couldn't seem to do it. It was as if tiny remnants of his past were weighing down on him. Individually, they were harmless enough. But all at once, the force was crushing. He carried it with him every where he went. He couldn't seem to escape the feelings of hopelessness that were eating away at him and he had no idea how to fix it.

Teal'c stood in the doorway, silently watching the emotions play across his best friend's face. When Daniel hadn't shown up for lunch, Teal'c had known something was deeply disturbing his friend. He hadn't realized the true depth of Daniel's pain until this moment.

He entered the room and closed the door.

"It is time to tell me what is on your mind, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c spoke the words calmly and gently, but his tone made it clear that he meant exactly what he'd said.

Daniel peered at Teal'c with blank eyes. Maybe this would help. But how could he begin.

"I don't know what to say," Daniel replied wearily. "I literally cannot find the words. Ironic, considering I'm a linguist." His sarcastic attempt at humor did not phase his friend.

"Then perhaps I should start for you. You are lost, my friend. I am here to help you find your way back."

The two brothers gazed at each other, letting the meaning of the words seep into them.

"I don't know if you can, Teal'c."

"Nor do I. But that will not prevent me from trying," he answered, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "When did you first begin feeling this way?"

Daniel gave a short, harsh laugh. "The moment I unburied the Stargate on Abydos."

Teal'c straightened up in his chair, understanding washing over him. Daniel was having to come to terms with a lifetime of difficult choices and painful experiences. It was something every warrior dealt with. He'd though Daniel had faced this already, but apparently that was not the case.

"You are at a turning point, my friend," Teal'c said. "You find yourself standing in a desert of pain and suffering and you feel responsible for it all. I know how you feel. Please allow me to give you some advice." He paused, waiting for Daniel to respond. At the slight nod of his friend's head, Teal'c continued.

"While pain is sharper than love, it is not stronger. The ills you have caused in your life may be great, but they will never be greater than the love you have given and earned."

"I'm sure you're right, Teal'c, but my heart says otherwise."

"Give it time, Daniel Jackson."

"Thanks, Teal'c. I will."

Despite his words, Teal'c knew he had not really reached Daniel. He would have to keep trying.

"You did not eat with us earlier," Teal'c mentioned, changing the subject.

"What?" Daniel asked, perplexed.

"We missed you during lunch," Teal'c replied.

"Lunch?" Daniel asked, still confused. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was now three o'clock in the afternoon. At that very moment, his stomach growled. "I didn't realize."

"Would you like me to accompany you to the cafeteria?" Teal'c asked.

"Ah, no, that's okay. Thank you, though." The two stood and walked to the door. Just before leaving, Teal'c placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder and looked his friend in the eyes.

"Colonel Carter will be fine, Daniel Jackson." Releasing his hold, Teal'c turned and walked from the room.

Daniel stood there for a moment, wondering how Teal'c had known. The stoic soldier had always been perceptive, and it seemed he hadn't lost his talent for picking up on Daniel's secrets. He allowed himself a small smile and made his way to the mess.

* * * *

Four hours later, Daniel's energy had not improved. He still couldn't focus on anything related to work and had just decided to head home for the night when his phone beeped.

"Hello?" He answered automatically. He hoped it wasn't anything major.

"Dr. Jackson, I was hoping you were still in."

"What can I do for you Walter?"

"Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know that there's a file waiting for you in your email. It's from Atlantis."

"What?" Daniel asked, his mind racing.

"The regular check-in was this afternoon. They usually send us a data-burst full of files and we sort through them and deliver them. This time around there was a file that appears to be intended for you. At least, we're hoping it is."

"I'm sorry, what?" he repeated.

"It was simply named 'Dear Daniel,' sir. The files are typically labeled more specifically, and as there are hundred's of Daniels, we had to guess a bit to know who to send it to. Considering Col. Carter encrypted the file, however, we're pretty sure it's meant for you."

"Ah, thanks Walter." Daniel felt dazed. Sam had written to him!

"Not a problem, Dr. Jackson. Have good evening."

"You too." He hung up the phone and went to his computer. He quickly retrieved the file and opened it. He could hardly wait.

The encryption precaution required him to type a password before allowing himself access. He paused.

He had assumed he and Sam would communicate while she was away, but they'd never discussed the logistics. He would have to try random guesses to see if they worked.

He started asking himself what Sam might have chosen. He tried everything from her birthday to the name of her cat. Nothing worked. After an hour, he took a coffee break and tried to clear his head. He must be making it too difficult. Sam wouldn't have picked something too obvious or too random. It would have to be something that only the two of them would know. That's when it hit him. He rushed back to his desk, asking himself how he could have been so stupid.

It was their favorite joke. It'd started back in the early days. After a week of late nights run ins, each of them having stayed at the base to work on something that was "urgent," Sam had jokingly suggested they start a club for workaholics. Daniel had replied that he his work load wouldn't permit any more commitments.

The bit had taken off from there. Files would randomly appear on Daniel's desk carrying a logo Sam had developed, which featured two coffee mugs and the words "Workaholics Club" inscribed above. Not to be outdone, Daniel had responded by typing up a welcome letter in fifteen languages, one of which was computer code. Over the year's they had even developed a list of rules one must follow to officially be a workaholic.

He typed in "WorkaholicsClub" and, at last, the file opened.

He read the words slowly, savoring them. God, how he missed her! He imagined her, sitting in her office and smiling as she wrote some parts, frowning during others. He was amazed at how well she knew him and could anticipate his thoughts. When he got to the part about his parents, he felt tears welling in his eyes. He felt so close to her in that moment.

He printed out the letters to take home with him. Maybe tonight wouldn't be such a bad night after all.


	13. Chapter 13

Daniels alarm was blaring in his ears. He reached slowly to turn it off and work up, bleary eyed. He'd actually slept! He could hardly believe it.

He'd gotten home, eaten a hurried dinner and went to bed with Sam's letters. The words were like a healing balm to his soul, reminding him that, even though Sam was in a different galaxy, she was still thinking of and caring for him. He must have dozed off soon thereafter.

He stood and stretched, his body glad for the rest. He still felt tired, but knew his best hope for sleeping tonight was to keep to his schedule so he set about his morning routine. As he showered, the words of Sam's letters replayed through his mind. Something that had been nagging at the back of his brain started surfacing. The letters seemed a bit out of character for Sam. He couldn't exactly explain why.

A good puzzle. That's what he'd been missing at work, and he took his newest challenge very seriously.

After arriving at the base and grabbing a muffin and some coffee, Daniel headed to his office determined to figure out what was bothering him.

He decided to read Sam's letters as though they were an artifact discovered in a recently opened vault. He put all his professional skills into practice and reread the sentences one by one. He hadn't gotten very far when he realized exactly what had been upsetting him: these letters didn't read like letters at all.

Once he started ignoring the address, he quickly realized that they were written in a very one sided manner. The person was certainly talking to someone, but it was as if they didn't expect a response. There was no effort to ask questions, even simple ones like "How are you doing?"

But if they weren't letters, what were they? He sat back and closed his eyes, picturing Sam once more. It was as if she were cataloging the recent events in her life and her feelings about them. His eyes snapped open. They read like _diary_ entries.

But this brought up even more questions. First, why was Sam writing to Daniel in her diary? She hadn't just written to some unknown person. She was writing to Daniel specifically. He knew this not just because she'd typed his name at the top of the page. She'd also referred to him personally, responding to his reactions and addressing him directly. _"I couldn't help remembering the day we watched your parents die again and again." _His inner scholar had no answer for this.

Second, why would she send her private diary entries to Earth for him to see? But then he realised that she hadn't. Walter himself had said that the incoming files were usually addressed more directly. Surely if Sam had written him a letter, she would have wanted to ensure that he received it. It must have been an accident.

Knowing that was the case, Daniel felt torn. On the one hand, he would never willing read Sam's private thoughts without her permission. Doing so was a violation of their friendship and trust. On the other, he had needed to hear from her so desperately that a part of him was hurt that she hadn't really written to him at all.

He took a moment to catch his breath and relax. He needed a different perspective. He asked himself what Sam would think if she found out he'd read them. Of course, she would be embarrassed. But there was nothing overly personal in the entries that Daniel felt she would have wanted to hide. He knew Sam would have understood that it was an accident that they'd be delivered to and read by him. He felt confident she would have forgiven him under the circumstances.

Going one step further, he was sure that if Sam had known had badly he'd needed her words, it wouldn't have been an accident at all. She would have done everything she could to bring him comfort, short of leaving Atlantis and delivering them herself. She was his friend, and she would do anything for him.

_She would do anything for me._ The thought rammed into him like a wrecking ball. He knew it was true. He knew Sam cared for him deeply, as she cared for all her teammates. They were all bonded in an incredible way. She'd do anything for any of them.

But then again, she wasn't addressing the entire team in the letters. She'd specifically addressed her most private thoughts and feelings to_ Daniel_ and only Daniel. Suddenly other phrases from her entries jumped out at him. _"I was scared, Daniel." "I thought about you today." "I didn't tell you then, but all I could think about was how glad I was that I got to share it all with you." "I wish you were here now."_

She hadn't missed the team. She hadn't said she was glad to be sharing their incredible adventures with everyone. She hadn't wished for all of SG-1 to be with her. She wanted, needed, missed _him. _

It was at this moment that Daniel allowed himself to think the thought he had avoided for so long: could Sam love him as much as he loved her?

True, there was nothing romantic about her letters. Nevertheless, she was indicating that what she felt for him was different from how she felt for their other team mates. She felt comfortable enough with him that the thought of addressing her deepest secrets to him didn't terrify her. In fact, it must have provided her with some level of comfort. She'd intentionally chosen to write those entries to him. And it couldn't have been the first time.

His instinct was to shut this line of thinking down before it could get out of control. But for once, he fought against his self-sacrificing ways. Things were different now. Now there would never be a future for Sam and Jack. Surely Sam deserved to have a future with someone. And since that was true, he was as good a someone as any, right?

_Better, _he told himself. He was sure he knew Sam better than anyone else, even Teal'c or Jack. Not that Sam wouldn't give her life for any of them at any moment. It was just that Sam and Daniel had always had an intense emotional connection. They'd always likened it to what a brother and sister would share.

But then Daniel had fallen in love with her. He'd watched her every moment he could without attracting her notice, taking in the subltleties of her smiles and facial expressions. When he wasn't watching, he was listening to the slight changes her voice made in tones and pitch. He had memorized everything about her and could always tell what she was thinking and feeling through her nuances. He loved everything about her, so much so that he ached when he thought of never being with her.

There seemed to be only one question left: what was he going to do about his discovery?

He could try to ignore his love for her, as he always had done, but this time he simply didn't want to. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life in pain, and he didn't think Sam would want him to either. So that only left one option. He had to find out if there could ever be anything between them.

Daniel knew that he couldn't just confess his true feelings to her out of the blue. It would come at Sam from left field, and after what she'd just gone through with Jack it would definitely be bad timing. He would have to be patient. Well, he could do that. But he knew he couldn't wait forever. He needed resolution.

A sudden thought struck him, and Daniel smiled his first real smile in weeks. He was hatching a plan.

The first part was to write Sam a letter. He wouldn't yet tell her about the diaries entries being mistakenly sent to him just yet. He would wait and tell her that in person. But it was clear that she needed some friendly comfort of her own, and he would not deny her.

He picked up the phone and called Walter.

"Sgt. Harriman speaking," he answered.

"Do you ever take time off, Walter?" Daniel asked.

"No more than you do, Dr. Jackson," Walter replied.

"Ah, touche. Listen, I was wondering if you could tell me when the next communication between Earth and Atlantis will be?"

"Sure. We'll be dialing their gate two weeks from their last check-in which occurred yesterday, sir."

"I see. Will I be able to send something through to them?"

"Yes, sir. All files must be encrypted, sir, and sent to me ahead of time."

"What if I wanted to send a package of some kind?"

"Then you'd have to wait until the next supply drop, which is scheduled to take place next month. All packages have to be cleared ahead of time, and all contents fully disclosed, though, so if you plan on doing that I'd recommend starting the process early."

"Okay, good. Thanks Walter."

"Any time, Dr. Jackson."

The wheels in Daniel's mind were turning. It was going to be an interesting two weeks.


	14. Chapter 14

"Mind if I come in?"

Sam looked up from her desk to see Dr. Jennifer Keller standing in her doorway. The usually young and vibrant doctor looked exhausted. Sam couldn't blame her.

"Of course," she answered, offering a small smile. She was sitting at her desk, hands folded in front of her, the weight of the days events still playing heavily on her mind.

"I wanted to tell you personally that it looks like everyone will make a full recovery," Keller continued, entering the room and taking a seat across from her new leader. "Dr. Brown has just woken up. McKay hasn't left her side and has taken credit for everything, of course. He's especially made it a point of saying if it weren't for his brilliant mind we'd all be dead right now," she added, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Usually I'd think he was exaggerating, but this time I know he's right," Sam said wearily.

"Don't worry, I promise not to tell him you said so," Jennifer joked. "Anyway, I just thought you should know."

"Thanks, Dr. Keller, I appreciate that." She looked at her sincerely, smiling at the thought of the doctors' ceaseless efforts. "You did a great job today."

"Thanks for saying that, ma'am. Well, that's pretty much it. Considering the hour, I think I'll turn in now."

"That's a good idea," Sam replied.

"You should probably do the same," she suggested gently. What was it about doctors, Sam thought, that made them always feel the need to tell others what to do?

"I think I will," she said, more to appease Keller than because she actually planned to. "Good night, Jennifer."

"Good night, Colonel Carter."

She watched the doctor leave and took in the almost deserted operations center. It had been a terrible day.

Almost the entire city had died today. A bacteria had infected every one in Atlantis Expedition members, besides Ronan and Teyla. It was a mutated version of another bacteria that usually struck this galaxies children and was easily cured. The new version destroyed peoples memories until finally killing them. Sam had been infected along with everyone else, though she had still tried to assist Rodney and Teyla, who had figured out what was wrong and devised a way to fix it. She could recall the sporadic periods of lucidity that she'd experienced before the disease had taken complete control.

She'd kept her cool in front of everyone, but inside she was terrified. She didn't want to loose the memories of her friends and her life, or die here so far from home. She had hope that they would find a way to resolve this situation, but whether they would do so in time to cure her was unknown. Yes, it had most definitely been a tough day.

Deciding she might as well retreat to her quarters and at least keep up the appearance of resting, Sam rose. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, the question of what could have happened and what she could have lost racing through the maze of her minds emotions.

Upon entering her room, she robotically went through her evening routine, brushing her teeth and washing her face almost without notice. It wasn't until she climbed into bed and looked at the picture of SG-1 on her nightstand that she felt the tears that had been hovering in her eyes finally run down her face.

She missed them all so much! She looked out the window of her room at the vast ocean beyond and asked for the hundredth time that day what she was doing here.

Before she'd arrived, she'd told herself that she would be doing something good in this galaxy. She'd reasoned that the members of the Atlantis Expedition would benefit from her experiences, that she could make a difference in the war with the Replicators and Wraith.

But in reality, she hadn't seemed to do anything of importance since she arrived. Most days she felt like she was just barely keeping her head above water. Every moment felt like a struggle to keep her cool.

She doubted anyone noticed this. She had become very adept over the years at hiding her true emotions. She never could have made it in the Air Force, at the Pentagon, or at the SGC if she hadn't developed an emotional armor. Oh yes, Samantha Carter was very good at disguising how she truly felt, sometimes even from herself.

But not today. Today, she felt very insecurity rise to the surface. She saw her own inadequacies as if laid out before her, unable to be denied.

She turned once again to the team photo, removing it from its place. She peered at each face in turn, falling last on Daniels, which she began tracing with a finger. "God, I miss you! What the hell am I doing here?" she practically shouted into the empty room.

As she looked into the eyes of her best friend, a memory struck her. It was of Daniel handing her a small, wrapped box on the day she left Earth. His words umped into her mind as if he was there speaking them himself: "You can't open it until you're in Atlantis and you're suffering some serious homesickness. Not just the little stuff, I'm talking about the wondering-if-you-did-the-right-thing-and-wishing-you-could-go-back-to-the-days-where-you-could-tinker-with-alien-gadgets-instead-of-dealing-with-the-inevitable-crap-that-comes-with-a-command kind of homesick."

It looked like that moment had finally come. She opened the drawer of the nightstand and removed the box, smiling at the memory. She found that just getting ready to open it relieved some of her anxiety.

She tried not to unwrap it too quickly, first gently removing the blue bow. _He must have spent some time wrapping this_, she thought to herself. The paper was creased perfectly over each edge.

She unsealed the ends and a white box slid into her hands. She saw words written on the top in Daniel's neat scholarly scrawl. _Took you long enough, _it read. She smiled, her anticipation growing.

She pulled the lid off and peered at the contents. On top was a picture of Daniel, Teal'c, Cameron and Vala, dressed to embark on a mission and smiling at her. She felt fresh tears run down her face as she removed it and set it in the frame with the other picture. She couldn't help feeling a pang of loneliness, her absence in the photo leaping out at her. She was a part of SG-1 no longer.

Looking back into the box, she saw a clear CD case and the words "WATCH ME" written on what must be a DVD. She went to her desk where she kept her personal laptop and booted it up. Her mind was racing with a hundred different possibilities about what she was going to see.

Inserting the disk and putting on a pair of head phones, Sam held her breath. It felt like ages since she'd seen her friend's faces.

The four of them were sitting in the briefing room, the top of the Stargate visible in the background. Sams heart lurched. She wished desperately that she was there, too.

"Is it on yet?" Vala asked impatiently. "It'd better be on. My hair won't look this perfect for long."

"Yes, Vala, it's on," Daniel replied, not even trying to hide it when he rolled his eyes. "Hi, Sam," he said, looking into the camera.

Sam was grinning now, the tears still rolling down her soft cheeks.

"Hey Sam," Cameron called, leaning back on the table, his hands folded across his chest. "Jackson tells us you're only going to be watching this when you're really homesick."

"Indeed, Colonel Carter," Teal'c added. He was standing in his usual stance, arms clasped behind him."We also miss you a great deal."

"Yeah, but why the hell is she missing _us_?" Cameron smirked.

"Well, she certainly isn't missing your manners," Vala said pointedly.

"What are you talking about? I'm the perfect southern gentleman that my grandma raised me to be," Cameron said, a cocky grin plastered on his face.

"Oh yes, you're a saint," Daniel laughed. "Anyway, Sam, we just wanted to give you a little something to remind you that what you left behind is in no way better than where you're at," he said, gesturing at Vala, who was now sticking her tongue out at Mitchell.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vala retorted.

"I believe Daniel Jackson is referring to your adolescent behavior in dealing with Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c added, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Is that so? Well, don't think Samantha's going to be fooled by that. She knows that you three are absolutely insufferable. All of my actions are simply ways of trying to control you idiots."

At that, Sam laughed out loud. God, she missed them so much!

"Anyway," said Daniel, trying again to bring the group back into focus, "we just wanted to tell you again how proud we are of you. You're doing the right thing, Sam, and we're with you 100%."

"Well said, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c added, bowing to the camera.

"Yes, Samantha darling. Don't worry about us. I'm sure we're bored out of our skulls, while you're having wonderful adventures in Atlantis."

"And Sam, don't forget. If you need us, we'll be there," Cameron added. With that, they all waved good-bye and the screen went blank.

Sam allowed the emotions to wash over her anew. She was so lucky to have such great friends.

Unexpectedly, the video kept playing. This time, it was just Daniel sitting in his office.

"Hey, Sam, it's me again. Don't tell the team I recorded this without them, but I wanted to add a private message of my own."

She smiled at the mischievous look he had on his face, and thought again how handsome he was.

"I'm dying to know how long it took you to open this. My vain hope is that you opened it right away, but I know that it's been a bit longer before you actually have. I'm sure you were incredibly busy once you arrived.

"Now that you have, though, I want to make sure you know that, even though you're second guessing if this was the right thing to do, I know it was. You're brilliant, and there's no one I know of that is better suited to take care of the challenges facing Atlantis than you.

"I don't know what's happened that's made you feel so upset and alone, but I just want you to know that you're not. You never will be. We may be millions of miles apart, but I'll always be there for you Sam. Always."

It almost felt as if she were with him in person instead of watching him on video. She felt so connected to him. She studied the serious expression he now wore and watched as his mouth smiled slowly. Her breath caught in her throat. Something about the way he said that made tingles run down her spine. There was an intensity in his eyes that made this time different from any time he'd spoken those words before.

"Remember that no matter what, I have absolute faith in you. You're an incredible woman, Sam. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you. In fact, I've been putting off thinking about you actually being gone because I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you being here, just down the hall. Who on earth will I share coffee with at three in the morning from now on?" He asked, his brow furrowed as he gave this question some thought.

A few seconds passed before he remembered what he was doing. Sam watched it all intently, suddenly aware of every small movement of his eyes, every gentle twitch of his mouth. She was struck by the sadness she read there. It reminded her of the day she'd left and the expression he'd worn as she'd turned for one last good-bye.

"I know that what you're going through right now is temporary. My guess is that you've just finished dealing with a serious, life threatening event. Those have a way of popping up pretty often in our line of work. I'm also guessing that you're watching this in the middle of the night because your thoughts have kept you awake." He smiled wryly at this, and she smiled in return. She was not surprised in the least that he'd anticipated this so well.

"So, my advice to you is simply to relax, get some rest, and know that things will look differently in the morning. And if they don't, you know how to find me. One word, Sam."

The thought of seeing Daniel was so appealing to her that she actually considering dialing Earth right now. Her better reasoning prevailed, but the intense desire lingered.

"Whatever it is, Sam, trust that you're strong enough to get through it. Know that your people have faith in your abilities and that you can handle anything this crazy job throws at you. Take a deep breath, enjoy the beautiful view from that wondrous place where you're living and things get better.

"Now, seriously, get some rest before you drive yourself insane!" he said sternly, then smiled. Sam touched the screen, wishing she could feel him near her, then watched as the video went black. Feeling emotionally drained, she shut down the machine and rinsed the salty tears her face.

Thoughts of the team and Daniel ran through her mind as she climbed into bed. She'd had many guesses about what was in that box. She'd considered all the items he could have put in there, but somehow he'd known that what she needed most was to hear their voices and see their faces. She still missed them terribly, but the pain was not as sharp now that she'd had a chance to see them, if only for a few moments. Better still, now she knew that she could see and hear them whenever she wanted.

As her eyes got heavy and her body relaxed, her musings turned once more to Daniel. He always knew exactly what to say and when to say it. He was so perfect, he was almost too good to be true. She was incredibly lucky to know him, and even luckier to know that he cared about her so much. Her tired body finally drifted off to sleep, Daniel's face the last thought on her mind.


	15. Chapter 15

Sam breathed in deeply as the wormhole disengaged. She found that she was always particularly nervous when it was Earth's turn to check-in. The reason for this was obvious to her: the fear that the SGC would send word through that SG-1 was in danger. Not at all an unfounded concern considering the fact that they pretty much always were. But Walter had made a point to tell her that her team mates were safe at home this week. _Former team mates,_ she reminded herself sadly. She knew now that she was where she was supposed to be, but that didn't stop her from feeling a sense of disappointment that the work of SG-1 would go on without her.

"How long will it take you to route the files to their proper locations, Major?" Sam asked.

"Not long, ma'am. We only received thirty message packs, and Sgt. Harriman does a good job of making sure they're bundled correctly. It should be a simple matter of sending a few emails."

"Good. Have my files sent to me by 1400 hours."

"Yes, Colonel."

A rumbling noise told her she'd better not put off lunch any longer. "Thank you, Major. I'm going to head to the mess for lunch, if anyone needs me."

"Of course, ma'am."

Sam casually made her way to the cafeteria. She was feeling a lot calmer since last night when she'd finally opened Daniels present.

Upon arrival Sam saw that Teyla, Rodney, John and Ronan were sitting a table with an open seat. She grabbed her meal and carried it to them.

"Colonel Carter, I was hoping you would join us," Teyla said. The beautiful Athosian smiled radiantly at Sam.

"Oh, yes, of course," Rodney added, speaking rapidly. "And, ah, how did this mornings check-in go? Is, ah, all well in the Milky Way?"

"Yes, Rodney, everything's fine."

"Good, good, good. Excellent." He smiled to the table as if to say, 'Look what a nice, considerate person I am.' Sam had to try very hard not to roll her eyes.

"Colonel, perhaps you could help us settle a bet," John asked.

"I'll do my best," Sam replied, smiling at the myriad of ways she could be getting herself into trouble.

"Well, our fine, citrus intolerant friend here seems to be under the misguided impression that 'The Wrath of Khan' is a superior film to 'The Voyage Home.'"

"Excuse me, but what does the fact that I'm allergic to citrus have to do with anything?" Rodney asked indignantly. "Honestly, you share a little secret with some one and they never let you live it down. And, I will have you know that most of Star Trek's fans would side with me. 'Khan' is the standard by which all other Trek films are measured."

Sam smiled, not believing that this was so easy. "Oh come on, Rodney. Everyone knows that 'The Voyage Home' was better. After all, what kind of a person wouldn't want to 'save the whales'."

At this everyone burst into laughter. It had only been a few weeks since the base had learned of McKay's aversion to whales, caused by his father reading 'Moby Dick' to him as a child and which manifested itself through recurring nightmares.

Rodney's face reddened and he launched into a typical McKay tirade. "Oh ha, ha, ha. Yes, very funny. So I'm afraid of whales. We all know this, okay! Besides the fact that my fear is totally understandable, that's not why I don't like the film. 'Khan' was superior in both story quality and cinematic performance."

All of this was missed by his fellow team mates, whose uncontrollable giggles made it difficult to hear.

Giving up, McKay rose from the table and bid them all "good-day."

"I'm going to have to make up for that later, aren't I?" Sam asked.

"Nah, he'll be fine," John replied.

Carter thought this wasn't explicitly true and resolved to make sure McKay got first dibs on the incoming snacks during the next supply drop.

After a few more minutes of friendly banter, Sam headed back to her office. She hoped that the files from Earth were waiting for her there, and she wasn't disappointed.

She scanned the list of documents, not really paying too much attention. She wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary, just the regular IOA briefs and strategic recommendations. She was caught totally off guard, therefore, when she spotted it.

Beyond the specific label that was required to route files between the two bases, the description simply said 'Personal Correspondence.' Intrigued, Sam, deciding that none of the other files were urgent, opened it first. Scanning to the end, she smiled when she saw that it was a letter from Daniel.

_Dear Sam,_

_I hope this letter finds you happy and well settled in the Pegasus Galaxy. Things have calmed down a bit here, but, naturally, it's not the same without you._

_Vala asked me to tell you that things are going "brilliantly" for her at your home. I can personally attest to the fact that she's taking very good care of the place in your absence. Mitchell and Teal'c also send their regards._

_I've been thinking about you a lot lately, wondering how things are going for you. I imagine it's been difficult during the transition. Don't worry, they'll get to know you soon enough and then you won't be Elizabeth's replacement. You'll be their friend, colleague, and trusted leader. I'm sure the longer they work with you the more they'll come to terms with the fact that you're there to stay. Not that I've been able to come to terms with it myself. I don't think a minute has gone by that I haven't thought about you._

Sam smiled as she read those lines again, glad to see that despite the distance between them he still knew exactly what would be going on in her world, and exactly what she needed to hear.

_I'm particularly interested in knowing whether you've shot McKay yet. __If you did, no one would blame you. In fact, you'd probably get a medal of commendation! _(At this, Sam laughed out loud.) _Don't worry, I'm only kidding. I'm sure that deep, deep, deep down Rodney is a great guy and, even though he's annoying, I'm sure you'll enjoy working with him._

Sam had to admit that even though teasing Rodney was a lot of fun, she did genuinely enjoy working with him. He truly was an extraordinary scientist and a nice human being. Eagerly, she read on.

_You must be busy keeping up with the different things your teams get into. I look back at all the craziness General Hammond had to put up with and I cringe. The man was truly a saint! Now you're in a similar position. I can only imagine the number of times a day some catastrophe or another comes up, and you have to save the day. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you._

He hit the nail on the head with that one. Just when she thought she'd seen everything there was to see during her years in the Stargate program, something new would pop up and catch her off guard. Calling her job dull was definitely not an option.

_Work here has been pretty boring. Well, that's not exactly true. A more accurate description would be that I haven't had the heart to tackle anything._

_Which brings me, in a round about way, to asking you for a favor. I could really use a change of scenery, and I was thinking a far off planet in a distant galaxy with an incredible view would be just the thing. I don't have an official reason to visit, unless spending time with a good friend would count. (Unfortunately, we both know it doesn't.)_

_Now, I don't want you to think that I'm trying to take advantage of our friendship, or you're new position. Instead, I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I've a hand in thwarting some pretty crazy enemies lately and I think I deserve a vacation. (You'd better print a copy of this letter for proof that I ever said such a thing. Otherwise I'll deny it! It goes against everything we members of the Workaholics Club stand for!)_

_Seriously though, I hope you'll think about it. Walter tells me that the check-ins rotate every two weeks, so I could gate to Atlantis with the supply drop coming up, and gate home during the next check-in. _

_Well, enough of my begging and pleading. I've kept you from your work long enough. I look forward to hearing from you. Try to stay out of trouble, will you? I promise to do the same._

_With love,_

_Daniel_

Sam was so excited she wanted to squeal. (Her professionalism only just won out, and she found a way to contain herself.) Seeing Daniel's face on the tape had been nice, but to get to spend actual time with him, especially here in Atlantis... it was about the best gift she could ever ask for.

She knew the next few weeks were going to be tough for her, but this time it wouldn't be because she was stressed out. It would be because she couldn't wait to see Daniel again.

* * * *

Daniel glanced at the clock in his office for the twentieth time in five minutes. This was getting ridiculous. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so anxious.

These last two weeks had been nerve wracking for him. He'd agonized over sending the letter the moment after the wormhole had disconnected.

_What the hell were you thinking?_ he screamed to himself. _You're an idiot, Daniel Jackson. A complete and utter idiot!_

He spent a good portion of every day stressing over whether he wanted her to say yes more than he wanted her to say no. It was a toss up.

If she said no, he would assume that her life was too busy to worry about having to entertain him during her limited down time. He would tell himself that, since she didn't jump at the chance to spend time with him, his theories about the possibilities for a future relationship were way off base. He could resume living his life the way he was used to: alone.

On the other hand, if she said yes, then what? It didn't necessarily mean she was dying to see him. She could just feel obligated to say yes. She was his friend, after all, and what friend would deny the request of another friend for something like a much needed vacation? Not Sam. Chances were good that she would say yes.

He tried to imagine what they might do together while he was there. He didn't care if they only spent a few minutes together. He wanted to be near her, to see her and touch her, if only for a moment. Just thinking about it made his heart race.

He tried not to get too wound up. After all, he was sure that she would be tied up a great deal of the time, but he had no worries about finding something to occupy his mind in the Ancient city. He had longed to spend more than just a few frenzied, task driven hours there. He longed to immerse himself in their culture. Even though he'd become frustrated with the antics of the ascended beings who had built Atlantis, he was still an archeologist. He was sure that whatever tidbits he would uncover would be worth his while, and he felt like he needed that type of no pressure, just for fun assignment to work on.

And when they were together, he would try to find out, in as subtle and suave a way as was possible, if there could ever really be anything romantic between them. The idea of changing his longtime friendship with Sam was terrifying. He didn't want to lose her as a part of his life, which was the biggest reason he'd left his feelings for her alone. But he'd decided after reading her diary entries that if there was a chance for them, if he could give Sam even a fraction of the happiness she gave him, he had to do it. He believed they deserved each other, and he was willing to put that belief on the line and risk everything.

He glanced at the clock once more and discovered that the time to connect with Atlantis was minutes away. He made his way to the gate room, hoping that he wasn't ruining the best thing in his life.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I am so sorry for the delay in posting this Chapter. My laptop crashed, which set me back a bit. Then, there was a death in my family which consumed a lot of my time. I'm trying to get back on track with this story. I find that I can't wait to see it all play out for myself, and I hope you feel the same. Thanks for reading, and keep reviewing so that I know if I'm staying on target. Enjoy! :-)**

"Good afternoon, Dr. Jackson," Walter said, looking only mildly surprised to see the disheveled archaeologist standing in an out of the way corner. He tried to hide his smile as he turned back to the gate. After so many years at the controls, not much caught the technician off guard.

"Walter," was all Daniel managed. He was more nervous than he'd been in a long time. He berated himself internally, reminding himself not to get so worked up. He was extremely aware that his hopes about a potential journey to Atlantis were growing out of hand, and he continually tried to rein himself in. But it seemed that he was unable to do so.

Years of denying himself had taken their toll. He was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and he couldn't seem to muster even the smallest resistance to his imaginative fancies. And that was exactly the category in which he placed any ideas about a romantic relationship between Sam and himself. Because that wasn't really possible, and he knew it wasn't really possible. He knew he was setting his heart up to be broken but felt powerless to stop it.

So he waited in the corner, flashing between anticipation and self-recrimination, but mostly just wanting resolution. He wasn't sure he could take another minute of this.

Finally, blessedly, Walter said the two word's Daniel had been waiting for.

"Incoming wormhole."

Daniel watched silently as the massive ring turned and his breath caught in his chest. Suddenly he wanted to run from the room, sure that Sam's message of rejection would soon follow. But before he could move, he watched as a blue flash engulfed the Embarkation Room and the flickering event horizon formed.

"Incoming transmission," Walter stated.

"Let's hear it," said General Landry. Daniel turned a bit to look surprisingly at the man he hadn't even noticed was there, which was a tribute to his anxiety given the General's commanding presence.

"This is Col. Carter of the Atlantis Expedition initiating regularly scheduled communication. Requesting permission to continue."

Daniel's heart swelled at the sound of her voice, his face breaking into a smile. She didn't sound nervous or in danger in any way, which Daniel took as a good sign.

"It's good to hear from you, Col. Carter. Request granted," Landry stated.

"General, it's good to hear from you as well. Nothing urgent to report, sir, though I'm sure the latest round of briefings will make for interesting reading."

"They always do, Colonel," Landry smiled.

"Well said. There's also a completed supply request manifest. It's pretty basic, but there are a couple of odd requests that you should be on the lookout for."

"Oh?" the General questioned.

"Yes, sir. Nothing that will be too difficult, I'm sure. But one request in particular will require your personal attention."

"I see. Why don't you give me the head's up now and I'll see if I can let you know right away whether or not it's approved."

"Of course, General. I was wondering if you'd allow a certain member of the Stargate program to come to Atlantis to look into something for us. We've recently uncovered what appears to be an Ancient library of sorts that belonged to one of the former resident's of the city. It's in one of the outer portions that we're still cataloging. Dr. McKay feels that the information it may hold could be important, but since it doesn't hold any immediate strategic advantage I can't justify making it a priority. Instead, I'd like Dr. Jackson to come an take a look."

Daniel could hear the smile in her voice. It seemed that Sam not only wanted him to come, she'd also found something to keep him busy while he was there. His desire to go doubled. He looked eagerly at General Landry.

"Well, I don't think that would be a problem. Why don't we ask Dr. Jackson here if he's free?" Was that a smirk he saw on the General's face?

"Daniel's with you now, sir?" Sam asked, then swiftly gave herself a mental kick. So much for the 'Dr. Jackson' routine.

"Ah, yeah, Sam. I'm here. How are you?" Daniel asked, trying to sound nonchalant. If he could've read the minds of those in the room, he would have known that he had failed miserably.

"I'm fine, Daniel. And you?"

"Oh, you know. The usual," he replied noncommittally. "I'd love to take a look at this library for you. With the General's permission, of course." He said, turning the conversation back over to Landry who looked knowingly back at him.

"Permission granted."

"Thank you, sir. Looks like I'll see you in a few weeks, Daniel." Sam said.

"Looking forward to it," Daniel replied. He was trying not to look as happy as he felt, but he knew his grin gave him away.

"If there's nothing else, Colonel?" Landry asked.

"That's it, sir." Sam quickly replied.

"Good. Try not to get into trouble over the next two weeks," Landry smirked.

"Yes, sir," Sam replied. "This is Atlantis, checking out."

"Wormhole disengaged," Walter said, stating the obvious.

"How long until the files make their way to me, Walter?"

"They should be waiting on you now, sir. I took care of it while you were speaking with Col. Carter," the ever-proficient Sgt. Harriman responded.

"Of course you did. Dr. Jackson, looks like you've got some packing to do." And with that, he turned and left the room.

"Yep," Daniel said, placing his hands in his pocket and turning to leave the room.

"Uh, Dr. Jackson," Walter called.

"Yes, Walter?"

"Just in case, I checked to see if there was another file for you in the data burst. I found one and sent it to you shortly after I sent the General's."

Daniels brow furrowed only slightly before he muttered his thanks and turned from the room. He didn't see the large grin on Walter's face, or the way he knowingly shook his head.

"Unbelievable," said the pretty brunette next to him. "We'll settle up later," she stated begrudgingly. Sgt. Baldwin had been with the SGC for a few years, but apparently that wasn't long enough to know not to bet against Walter in any of the common SGC pools. She'd thought this one was an easy win. There was no way Walter could have known that Daniel was going to visit Atlantis soon, or so she'd assumed when she'd placed her bet.

"One day, will you tell me how it is you know so much about this base? " she asked.

"Well, if I did that I'd never be able to take your money," he smugly replied.

* * * * * *

Back in the safety and privacy of his office, Daniel opened the latest file from Sam.

_Dear Daniel,_

_I can't tell you how good it was to hear from you! I'm not quite as settled here in Atlantis as I'd hoped to be, but it's getting easier. Trust me, it's not the same without you, either._

_I've sent along letters for the rest of the team this time. It was nice to hear news of them through you, but a thought I'd cut out the middle man this time around._

_I'm sure you want to know how things have gone. (No, I haven't shot Rodney yet, though I confess that I miss my zat gun on occasion. That stun setting sure would come in handy sometimes.) The transition was rocky at first, but things are running much smoother now. I'm beginning to feel like I'm not walking around in Elizabeth's shadow all the time. I really feel like I'm coming into my own._

_Some of the challenges I've faced have helped. Nothing pulls a team together like a run in with catastrophe, and on that score Pegasus is proving to be just as perilous as our own galaxy. Some days are better than others. Today has been a good day._

_Two weeks ago, I had a very bad day. There was a bacterial infection that broke out here, and we all started loosing our memories. McKay saved the day (though you have to promise never to tell him I admitted it freely) and every thing's fine now. But that night, thinking about how for a while I had lost all memory of you and SG-1, thinking that I had almost died light-years away from home... like I said, it was a bad day. _

_That was the day I opened your present. I just wanted to say thanks. I can't tell you how badly I'd needed to hear your voices and see your faces. It meant so much to me. I think I've re-watched the video about a hundred times already. You are the best friend in all of recorded history, and I don't have to be an archaeologist to know that._

_Now, about this favor you asked. It's no favor at all! In fact, I had already been thinking of asking you to visit for my own selfish reasons. I have a project that would benefit from your expertise, and it seems like the kind of thing you could easily immerse yourself in. _

_We've located what appears to be a personal library of an Ancient historian. The data files there are encased in separate panels instead of in the massive databases that we've found elsewhere. It seems this individual liked to do things the old fashioned way, with tablets that appear to be the Ancient equivalent of books and scrolls. As soon as I heard about it, I thought of you. I'm going to ask General Landry if he'll consent to sending you over here, and I'm sure he'll agree._

_I can't wait to see you. I don't know how much time we'll have to spend together, but having you here for any length of time will be wonderful._

_I wish I could write more, but duty calls. Take care of yourself!_

_See you soon,_

_Sam_

As Daniel re-read the note for a fourth time, he silently tried to ignore the way the anxiety of the last two weeks was rapidly turning into unbridled excitement. He almost felt... _giddy_. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd looked forward to anything as much as he was looking forward to this trip.

He tried convincing himself that the Ancient library was the sole cause of his jubilation. Sam's description had truly intrigued him and he couldn't wait to get a look at all the things that he would find there. His mind was racing, consumed with thoughts of all the possibilities of what he might find.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny the truth. It seemed that his ability to lie to himself had finally reached its limit. The reality that he would see Sam again was the true cause for his joy. His plotting had paid off, and now he knew that he would get the chance to put the rest of his plan into action. Assuming, of course, that he didn't chicken out at the last minute.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Here's the latest installment. Please let me know what you think!**

_Daniel leaned into Sam, his breath catching and his eyes lingering on her lips. They were going to kiss, and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it._

_A powerful sensation swept through them as their flesh touched. Suddenly, they were pulling at each other madly, trying to get closer and closer. His hands found her lower back, and hers moved against his chest. There was an electricity when they touched, and they felt powerless to stop themselves._

"_Sam," Daniel breathed against her lips, forcing himself to pull back and stare deeply in her eyes, an unspoken question clear in his gaze._

_She felt the smile pulling at the corners of her lips. "Daniel," she answered, knowing this was right. She pulled him to her again, and all trace of resistance was lost._

_They fell to the bed, detaching their clothes as quickly as possible with their mouths locked in fierce passion. They gave in to their emotions and allowed themselves to be carried away in the ecstasy of the moment._

_The tension built and soon Sam couldn't stop herself from crying out his name._

"Daniel!" The sound caused her to sit up, peering into the darkness and trying to get her bearings. The tangled, sweaty sheets clung to her warm body as she tried to get her breathing and heart rate under control.

Reality broke bittersweetly upon her. She was in her room on Atlantis, and she had been dreaming.

Every cell seemed to be on fire. She crossed the room and poured herself a glass of water, letting the cool liquid melt into her body, calming her nerves.

Sam couldn't remember the last time she'd had such an intense dream. It had felt so real, and perhaps more disturbingly, so right.

She shook her head, trying fervently to clear her mind. _It was just a dream, brought on by a lack of sleep and any physical intimacy. The only reason Daniel was in it at all was because I've been thinking about his visit, _she told herself firmly.

But there was a sense of loss that Sam struggled to understand. A part of her wished she hadn't woken up, and an even deeper sadness that it hadn't been real. Daniel hadn't really been in her arms, loving her that way.

"I must be loosing it," she said into the darkness. Daniel was her friend. Her best friend. She didn't think of him as anything more because there could never be anything more between them. He certainly didn't think of her in that way. The last thing she needed was another heartbreak brought on by her own foolish desire to imagine that someone cared for her in a way that they did not. Hadn't she learned that lesson from Jack?

No, there would never be anything but friendship between Sam and Daniel. Or, for that matter, Sam and anyone else. She was getting too old to chase down men, and she'd passed on all the real chances of 'ever-after' that she'd ever been given. Her job had her working in another galaxy and all the people she met were either under her command or related to her job in some way that made any acquaintance strictly professional. She might as well get used to being alone.

She finished her drink and straightened her bed up. It was only two in the morning, and she was too exhausted to try to stay awake. She stared at the ceiling, willing her mind to think of anything but the dream. But the images of the dream continued to play before her, reminding Sam of what she couldn't have.

She felt the tears run down her cheeks and gave herself up to them, crying herself to sleep.

* * * * * *

Sam took a deep breath and surveyed the gate room. It was almost time, and she couldn't wait for the waiting to end.

As always, things didn't look so bleak the morning after her dream. She'd felt embarrassed about her emotional breakdown, but she'd told herself that what she'd experienced was largely caused by exhaustion. After all, she'd been up for 36 hours straight, and her body couldn't take that as easily as it used to. She'd decided that it had been nothing more than a warning to take better care of herself and tried to move on.

Over the following two weeks she'd returned again to looking forward to Daniel's visit without question. She found herself smiling more often, which hadn't gone unnoticed by the others. Though they hadn't said anything outright, it was quite common to see small, knowing half-smiles adorning the faces of her Expedition members. Sam couldn't care less.

She felt no shame in anticipating the arrival of her team mate. The adventures of SG-1 had always been somewhat legendary within the program, and few questioned the team's closeness. So whenever she sensed that someone was aware her excitement, she told herself that was to be expected. None of them knew the truth.

She hadn't been able to erase the images of the dream, and a part of her hadn't wanted to. Her emotional response had been too intense. She knew she shouldn't, but at times she couldn't stop herself from fantasizing that Daniel could love her in that way. She'd told herself it wasn't really Daniel she was after. She really just wanted the sensation of being loved again. Any man would do. Deep down, though, she didn't believe a word of it. It was Daniel's voice she longed to hear, and Daniel's touch she craved.

Suddenly, the gate activated and a rush of panic seized her. She had to admit that there was an anxiety about seeing her friend again that had nothing to do with friendship. Her recent thoughts of him had shaken her, and she worried that things between them might be different somehow. Would she be able to look at him the same? Worse, would he, who had always been able to read her mind like an open book, know what she had been thinking about? The thought almost made her blush.

She watched as the blue lights illuminated, knowing she was mere moments away from seeing Daniel's handsome face. Sam put a hand on her stomach, trying to quell an unfamiliar fluttering. Refusing to dwell on what it might mean, Sam watched intently as the wormhole established itself. She made her way to the stairs, intending to greet Daniel as soon as possible. It was finally time.

She saw the first of the three palates of supplies coming through, and noticed that Rodney was near by. She smiled and gave him a nod, letting him know it was okay for him to have the promised first dibs.

"Every thing is all set, Colonel Carter," Lt. Col. John Sheppard said from beside her.

"Thank you, John," Sam gave him a brief smile and returned her attention to the wavering blue wonder before her, telling herself to breathe. She clasped her hands firmly in front of her, avoiding the temptation to wring them nervously. God, this was so unlike her! She wanted to reach through the event horizon and pull Daniel through so she could just get it over with, but knew very well exactly that wouldn't work. But she didn't have to wait any longer.

The striking figure of Dr. Daniel Jackson emerged a second later, his eyes taking in the large lobby before him. He was dressed casually in his black fatigues, jacket open in a careless way. He spotted Sam immediately, and without hesitation he walked to her, his face sporting a huge grin.

"Sam," he breathed, pulling her in for a tight hug. He wanted to say so much more, but his self-control blessedly won out.

"Oh, Daniel, I can't tell you how good it is to see you. It's been far too long," she managed.

"You have no idea," Daniel muttered. He told himself that their long separation was cause for an extended hug, and clung to her a few moments longer than he normally would.

Sam sighed. His arms felt like home, and she soaked up every minute of it, not noticing how much time had passed. Finally, he broke contact and Sam was startled to by an sense of loneliness.

"Have you lost weight?" he asked as his hands moved to his pockets, a roughish grin spreading on his face.

"Don't I wish," she smiled. "You remember Col. Sheppard, Teyla, Ronan, and Dr. McKay."

"Of course," Daniel replied. He turned to each of them and shook their hands. He waved to McKay who was busily scouring the crates of supplies, who returned a feeble wave of annoyance.

"Let me show you to your quarters."

"After you." He picked up his duffel bag, trying to disguise the thrill he felt at seeing her again. It was going to be an incredible two weeks.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: This chapter is on the long side, but I felt that they needed some quality time together. Hope you enjoy! Please REVIEW!**

Sam led Daniel off to the right of the gate room and down the long corridor.

"You probably know you're way around for the most part, but I hope you'll indulge me while I play tour guide." She smiled at him.

"I'd be delighted to follow you wherever you lead," Daniel said, trying not too think to hard about any double meanings that simple statement might have.

"Good. I've asked John to take command for the next few hours so we could catch up. Have you eaten?"

"Uh, no, actually," he said with a devilish grin. "I was hoping you might be able to share a special picnic lunch I packed."

Sam raised her eye brows in surprise. "That depends. What is it?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just a couple of those turkey wraps you like from Saunder's Deli." He watched as her face lit up.

"That sounds great! I've been craving one of those for weeks!"

"Good. I even grabbed a thermos of their tomato and basil soup."

"You're the best!" she cried, putting her arm through is and leading him to the nearest transport chamber.

"No problem. I figured it was the least I could do. It must be one of the hardest things about being all the way out here: no variety in the menus."

"Too true, although we've got some great fruits you won't find on Earth. Or even in the entire Milky Way," Sam laughed as the chamber door opened. She led Daniel across the hall and passed her hand over a device small device on the wall, and the door to Daniel's new home for the next few weeks slid open almost noiselessly..

"Here we are," Sam gestured as they walked into an enormous suite of rooms that looked out onto the massive ocean surrounding the city.

"Wow," Daniel said, taking in the large layout. Sam grinned at the awestruck look on his face.

"Welcome to the VIP quarters. Rodney thinks they must've been designed to accommodate someone important, because they're so much bigger than what was typical of the rest of their housing. We retooled them for use by our occasional special guests."

"If you're trying to impress me, it worked. You don't have to, of course, but it worked. This place is bigger than my first apartment."

Sam only continued to smile. "I'm glad. The bedroom's over there, and you've got your own private bathroom and balcony. We can eat out there, if you'd like."

Daniel nodded, still trying to take everything in. "I could've just stayed in a normal bunk like usual," he said as he followed her outside.

"I thought you were here for a vacation?" Sam smirked.

"I was, until you lined up a month's worth of work that I'll have to cram into two weeks," he replied jokingly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We both know you'd only last about twenty minutes without something to do. I figured if I gave you a specific task you wouldn't spend the next two weeks driving everyone crazy."

"Good point," Daniel said. They ate and talked with gusto, falling as readily into companionship as they always had.

"So, how is everyone?"

"Good. Teal'c, Cameron and Vala are off world at the moment. Teal'c was asked to help the Jaffa training camps reorganize, and he asked Cameron to go along and share his knowledge of the Sodan techniques. Vala went along for fun, or so she said."

"Sounds like you're missing out on all the action," Sam said. Daniel noted the edge of sadness to her words but let it past. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that she wasn't part of SG-1 any longer, and he could only imagine how she felt, so far away from their every day interactions.

"Maybe," he said, "but I think I got the better view." Sam watched as he looked out onto the water, seeing the way the breeze mussed his hair. She studied the lines of worry that had been etched in his face, so different from the smooth and youthful visage he'd had when they'd first met all those years ago. The gentle indentations only briefly hinted at the struggles they'd shared in that time, and she knew there were scars much deeper on his soul that she couldn't see. Well, he'd come here to heal, and she was going to do everything she could to help him.

"And how are things going with you?" Sam asked softly.

"Ah, not much really." He turned back toward her and paused, concentrating on his hands in a way that told Sam he was trying to figure out just how to put what he was feeling into words. And how much he wanted to share. She watched him and waited, drinking in the sight of his solid presence and knowing that he would tell her more if she was patient and let him collect his thoughts. Maybe knowing all those different words was more of a hindrance than a help, after all, she mused.

Daniel was struggling within himself. It wasn't supposed to be this difficult. He'd had a plan, damn it! He was going to be cool, suave, relaxed. He was going to ease her around to the idea of romance between them, playing it safe in case she gave him any indication that she wasn't interested.

Instead, it was all he could do not to burst out with every one of his tortured emotions. He wanted to grab her in his arms and kiss the breath from her! He wanted to tell her that he'd missed her more than words could say and that he felt lost without her in his life every day! Breathing deeply, he decided on a veiled compromise.

"Missing you, mostly," he said softly, still not looking up.

Internally, Sam laughed him off. Surely there'd been more going on in his life than missing her! Still, a part of her wished he'd meant it. Ignoring that thought, she reached out and took his hands, forcing his eyes to meet hers.

"I've missed you, too. So much so that I'm not going to let you off the hook until you divulge every thing you've done since I last saw you. I can't believe how isolated I've felt from you, from everyone, in the last couple of months. So come on, out with it."

He smiled at her, reminded once again of everything he loved so much about her. She was so kind, friendly, and beautiful.

"You win," he replied good-naturedly. "I really haven't been doing as much as you'd think. At first, I was dealing with a lot of backlash from the end of the Ori. Visiting the planets where the Ori had had the largest footholds. Comforting those who were faced with picking up the pieces. Those were not good days, let me tell you. I knew that, in principle, it was never really right to use the Ark, but I willed myself not to think about it too heavily. I told myself it was for the greater good. For survival, just like I told Morgan Le Fey the last time I was here.

"But afterward... I don't know. I spent a lot of time asking myself what had survived. What legacy I was leaving behind throughout the universe. I wanted it to be one of hope and freedom. But I don't know... I think my calling cards are more likely death and destruction."

"Daniel, you have to believe that's not true." Sam remembered all too well a talk similar to this one when he'd come to get her at Area 51, just days before she'd left for the Pegasus galaxy. She knew that he wouldn't have let it go that easily. "There are so many lives you've touched, for the better. Mine for one. And many, many others. You have a way of seeing things that changes people, Daniel. It's been true since I first met you and it's still true today. If you give in to these feelings, the Goa'uld, the Ori, they win."

"I'm coming to understand that," he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go to take a drink. Hold her hand was distracting, causing his mind to consider reckless actions and he was determined to do things right for the next two weeks. "I began to feel a lot better after I got what I thought were your first letters to me."

Sam had seen that look before. Usually Daniel wore that "I-know-something-you-don't-know" look when he was talking to Jack, not with Sam. But why was he avoiding eye contact? And what in the world was he talking about, anyway? He'd initiated contact between them.

"You wrote to me first," she said, taking the bait.

"Well, the way you see it that's true. But things happened a little differently on my end. Wow, this is awkward," he said clearing his through, his brow working overtime as he examined the label on his water bottle as he would an artifact in a tomb on Earth.

"Out with it," she said flatly.

"Well, I got a call from Walter after one of your first regular Atlantis check-ins. He had a file that he didn't know where to route, which is apparently strange. They sent it to me because it was labeled 'Dear Daniel,'" he finished, finally raising his gaze to hers.

Sam was confused at first. She'd never send anything through that wasn't properly coded. What files could she possible have labeled-- and then it dawned on her. Her diary entries! She instantly felt the blush creep into her face. "Oh. I had no idea." Now it was Sam's turn to avoid Daniel's gaze.

"Don't worry, I figured out the next day that they weren't really meant to be letters, for my eyes to see anyway."

"Really? How?"

"Oh, you know." He shrugged his shoulders. Of course! If anyone could figure out what a piece of writing was meant to be, it was the man across from her.

"Anyway, I'm sorry. If I would've known, I certainly wouldn't have read them."

"But how could you? They're password protect--, oh," she finished, feeling the blush getting brighter. Naturally, Daniel had been able to crack the password. In fact, he was probably the only person who could.

Her mind moved to the next logical conclusion. Daniel now knew that she addressed her diary entries to him! What on earth did he think about that?

"Sam, listen, I don't care," he said, exhibiting his uncanny ability to read her mind. "I'm glad you feel that you can confide in me, even when I'm not around. Especially when I'm not around, in fact. Please, don't give it another moment's thought. I knew how you'd take the news, but I wouldn't have felt right if I'd kept it from you."

"Thanks, Daniel." She still wasn't looking at him, which bothered him.

"Sam," he said gently, standing. Not being able to help herself, she finally looked at him. He held out a hand and pulled her to her feet. On the small balcony, they were forced to stand closer than Daniel had intended, but he didn't push her away.

"Really, Sam, it's alright. I know you're embarrassed, but you don't have to be. You should know something. I would say that I'm sorry that I read them, but I'm not. The night I got them followed a particularly rough day, and... let's just say I really needed to hear from you at that moment. Those letters," he said, reaching up to place a hand gently on her cheek, "they were like a breath of fresh air for my soul, and I was running out of oxygen."

For a moment their gazes locked, and something passed between them that was almost tangible, though neither of them seemed to notice.

"Then I'm glad you got them," Sam breathed. His closeness was affecting her strongly, and she wondered how it had taken her so long to really _see_ him as he truly was: an intelligent, talented, incredibly sexy man. "If I'd known, I would have sent them to you express."

He smiled in a way that told her he knew that already. She felt his thumb gently stroke her soft flesh. She closed her eyes, savoring the sensation and feeling her breath catch.

Daniel suddenly realized his surroundings for the first time since standing up. He needed to break this contact or he was going to doing something he might regret. _No, you wouldn't,_ an inner voice said. Well, he'd regret it at least a little. He moved his hand from her cheek to place a strand of of hair behind her ear, then placed both hands firmly in his pockets where they couldn't do anything they weren't supposed to do.

Sam looked out at the ocean, breathing deeply to wash away some of the tension of the moment. What in the world was happening to her? She was responding to Daniel's nearness in a way she never had before, and it was unsettling. _It's Daniel, for god's sake!_

"So, how would you like to see the place where you'll be spending the next few days?" Sam asked, hoping to initiate a change in scenery that would give her a chance to recover her right mind.

"That sounds great," Daniel said, glad for a reason to focus on something else. They cleaned up their lunch, and Sam showed Daniel how to find the part of the city where the library was located. It was a bit of a walk from any transport chamber, which gave them a chance to fall back o their friendly banter, a relief for both of them.

"We could have moved everything to your quarters," Sam said as the entered the Ancient laboratory, "and you're welcome to do that now that you're here. But I seem to remember a certain tightly held belief that the context in which an artifact is discovered is just as important to figuring out its mysteries as the artifact itself, so I ordered everything to be left as it was found."

"You know me so well," Daniel commented, sighing. The walk had refreshed him, and he again felt that he could be around her without feeling like he was going to do something crazy. In fact, he was starting to relax for the first time in months. He turned away from her and strolled through the room. It was arranged like any other library on Earth, with the exception that it was electronic tablets lining the shelves instead of books.

"It's odd, isn't it? To be able to store everything in one compact database but to choose not to," he said absentmindedly. Sam could almost see the wheels turning in his head. She wanted to stay and watch him work, as she had a thousand times before, but it was getting late and there was more work she needed to do.

"Will you be alright by yourself now?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, of course, I'll be fine." Daniel walked back to her. "Thanks again for having me out here, Sam, and for finding this for me. It's the perfect diversion."

"My pleasure," Sam said, smiling.

He acted on his impulse and wrapped his arms around her, enclosing her in another long hug. "I've really missed you," he breathed against her hair.

"I've missed you, too," she said, feeling safe in his embrace. They broke contact after a minute, and she left him there to work.

As she walked away, she felt a sense of relief wash over her. He was still Daniel, still the best friend that she'd always known. True, she was more aware of him than she'd ever been. More aware of the way his muscles bulged beneath his black t-shirt, they way his lips worked when he smiled, and the way his brow furrowed in such an adorable way when he was confused, or deep in thought. But they still shared the same easy relationship they always had.

Whatever emotional confusion she might be going through at the moment, she assured herself that in the long run nothing would ever really change between her and Daniel. A fact she refused to regret, despite the twinge of sadness that pulled at her heart.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoy reading it. I just thought it was time for Daniel to do some really healing. The next two chapters just need to be edited, so expect those soon. Please review!**

A familiar ache was making its way to the muscles between Daniel's shoulder blades, a testament to his having spent too much time hunched over studying something. He spared a momentary thought about just how long it had been since that had happened before turning back to the book-sized digital tablet in his hand, engrossed with what he'd found.

Daniel had spent the first hour studying the layout of the room. It was shaped like an octagon, each flat wall containing a set of shelves from floor to ceiling, with the exception of the entrance wall. There were two large data consoles typical of Atlantis infrastructure clustered in close proximity to each other in the middle of the room.

Daniel considered looking at the data consoles first, but ultimately decided not to bias his discoveries with whatever he might find there. He wanted to really explore and enjoy what the library offered for himself. He moved to the section of shelving directly to the left of the door. Figuring out how to access the data on the tablets was a task that Daniel expected to take quite a while, but one he would greatly enjoy nonetheless. Taking a deep breath, he settled in and decided to start with the first tablet on the top shelf, turning it over and over in his hands. In the end, though, the task had proved far easier than he had imagined.

There were no safety protocols protecting the information, as one would expect for sensitive information. That ruled out Daniel's original suspicions that the set up of this library, detached from most of the city and not organized in the typical, mass-database storage system used by the rest of the Ancients, suggested that the individual who had used the facility intended to keep the information separate and therefore secret. All he'd had to do was touch the screen and the tablet had come to life. But though that was surprising enough, the content was what had really thrown him for a loop.

He wasn't sure exactly what he'd been expecting, but it certainly hadn't been a series of novels. He now held in his hands the complete literary works of Traslin, a gifted author who had written over 42 complete stories.

At first, Daniel had assumed he was reading a mythos of some type. There were elements of magic typical of types of stories. Further scanning the tablet, though, had revealed more works by the same author containing entirely different worlds and characters. For a moment he just stood there, as the true amazement of the treasure he was holding washed over him. How many years had it been since anyone had read these words? At least 10,000, he knew. But how many people had delighted in this story when it was first published, and in the many years that had followed? The idea was mind-boggling and humbling.

He reverently moved to the next tablet on the shelf immediately below the first, which again contained the entire works of another Ancient author, but the changes in syntax lead Daniel to the conclusion that these had been written after the first tablet's pieces. This collected amounted to over 100 different volumes. Not able to check his excitement now, he eagerly grabbed a tablet from the shelf below it of the same wall, and discovered yet another collection of written works, this time resembling poetry. Daniel felt the niggling of a theory begin to form at the edges of his mind.

Needing to know more, he reluctantly moved to a shelf on the wall to the left of his current location, selected a tablet at random, and, amazingly, the wonders continued. He touched the screen to activate it and was totally taken aback by a lovely portrait that appeared above the tablet in holograph form. It was an incredibly realistic portrait of a small boy, who seemed to be at the same development as an eight or nine year old on Earth. He was in the middle of building something from sand on a beach, and at closer inspection, Daniel could make out a rough similarity between the boy's creation and the city of Atlantis itself. It appeared to have been painted with something like Earth's oil paints, with similar texture and broke strokes visible in the holo, which was more opaque than the holographs Daniel had experienced. It wasn't possible to look through the image at all. If Daniel hadn't known better, he would have thought the painting had sprung into existence before his very eyes. The urge to reach out and touch the variations on the surface was overwhelming.

He soaked up the details from the scene before touching the screen again. As he expected, another portrait filled his vision. This time, it was of a man and woman, both dressed sensibly in white They were standing in the gate room of Atlantis, and active wormhole established in the background. They were holding hands, and there was a group of people standing at the periphery. Daniel suspected he was looking at a ceremony of some significance, perhaps even the Ancient's wedding ritual. Excitedly, he pressed the screen again, and he was shown another artwork, this time of a group of distinguished looking Ancients, standing in front of a sculpture of some type. Daniel could see similarities in the way each of the faces had been painted.I t seemed this tablet contained the works of an accomplished Alteran artist.

With regret, he moved on to another tablet and was rewarded with the works of another spectacular, but very different artist. He was more excited now than ever, knowing his theory was correct. He was standing in another Ancient repository. This one was filled with cultural pieces rather than knowledge, and it was set up so that these could be experienced rather than just absorbed. He selected a tablet from another shelf and found himself watching a holographic video, complete with sound. It took Daniel several minutes to discover that he was watching a play or movie of some sort. The technology was so advanced that Daniel couldn't tell if it was live acting or something that had later been edited. He was utterly captivated, never having hoped to actually witness living, breathing Ancients in this way.

Not knowing how things could get any better, Daniel moved to the next wall and touched the tablet. This time, the sound of a beautiful orchestra of music reached his ears. The sound was light and up tempo, containing an elegant sound devoid of the brass sound so prevalent in Earth's music. The screen showed the name of the piece and its composer, as well as those of each musician in the performance group. At the next screen, another holographic video played, this time of the orchestra performing in a great hall, which Daniel assumed was located somewhere in the city. Some the instruments were remarkably different from those of Earths, but other's were incredibly similar. He replayed the image twice, completely taken with the scene.

Knowing that he must, he moved onto the next panel in the room. The surprised continued as Daniel found himself reading textbooks. Each shelf contained similar information presented for different levels of learning, and Daniel wondered if he was looking at the educational instruments used by the Ancients.

Not believing what he was seeing, Daniel went to another wall segment. This time he found historical records about the government of Atlantis, including it's legal structure. Daniel found himself extremely interested in the material. The tablets included everything from summaries of early Atlantian justice systems to the more evolved structures that prevailed later in their history. In the texts Daniel could see the hallmarks of the society he had come to know as Ascended beings, and found himself with a greater understanding of their tightly held strictures. That didn't mean he couldn't still disagree with them, but at least this way he could put them into historical context.

The next wall contained the equivalent of Ancient games and puzzles. Everything from rules and descriptions for different sports to mind puzzles and board games were contained in the shelves. Some were noted as having passed from popularity, but they had been preserved nonetheless.

The last wall contained a find that Daniel could really appreciate: field journals. Each tablet seemed to cover either a specific study subject or a year's worth of notes for a couple named Intari and Menarushe. Daniel had a feeling they were the couple who had created this library and that more information of them would be contained on the data consoles.

Deciding to test his theory, he crossed to the nearest console and found the activation switch. At once, a holographic projection of a man identifying himself as Menarushe appeared. He was similar to the construct that Daniel had encountered on his last visit to Atlantis, which had turned out to be Morgan Le Fay, though Daniel felt confident this man was not an Ascended being in mask. The man in the image stood at just under Daniel's height, with graying black hair and green eyes. The man informed Daniel that he was standing in a free cultural and knowledge base, accessible to anyone. At the other console, he found himself greeted by the holographic projection of Intari, a silver haired woman with a kind face and brilliant blue eyes. She repeated a similar message as Menarushe before her image faded.

Experimenting a bit, Daniel activated the console again. As Intari began to repeat her message, Daniel quickly moved to the other console and activated it as well. The images changed, and the two holographs joined each other to stand side-by-side in the middle of the room.

"Greetings, friend," Menarushe began in the Ancient language, his arm winding around Intari's waist. "You will find here free knowledge about the lives of those who have gone before."

"Indeed," Intari agreed. "There are those who do not value this information and do not seek to preserve it for those that follow. Still others wish to keep this information guarded."

"But my wife and I believe that it should be passed on. Please enjoy what we have offered."

"Learn from it," Intari continued. "See what we once were in our entirety, and in the process, perhaps discover something of your own race."

Daniel's eyes teared up, his intense emotions overwhelming him. He had had differences with the Ascended Ancients, that was no secret. But deep down, in his soul, he was still a devoted scholar of cultures, as these two long-dead people had also been. He felt himself reconnecting to that part of him that had truly wondered at the Stargate and the peoples he had encountered on the other side of a thousand different wormholes. It was an incredible feeling, and he had missed it.

Not wanting to spare a moment, Daniel went once again to the music wall and selected a tablet at random. He pressed the screen and the room filled with a soft, slow melody. Then he crossed back to the literary wall and again selected a tablet at random. He threw all of himself into this endeavor, loosing track of time and everything else. Nothing, not even the aching of his body, could distract him.

It was in this state that Same found him. She'd left Daniel here six hours ago. She'd never intended to be gone this long, but as always, the work of a commander was never really done. She was just glad nothing too serious had happened. Any day that passed without a catastrophe was a gift that Sam never took for granted. After experiencing a sharp hunger pain, she'd finally looked at her watch to see that it was well past dinner time.

Sam had wondered why she hadn't heard from Daniel for only a moment before remembering that she had left the man in an Ancient library. He would have to be extracted, with force if necessary. She made her way back to the library with haste.

Now that she was here, she couldn't make herself interrupt him. He seemed completely absorbed in whatever he was doing, with a look on his face that Sam hadn't seen in a very long time. There was music coming from somewhere, and Sam was sure Daniel would tell her where if she asked him. But for now, she simply wanted to freeze this picture in her mind: Daniel, at work and totally content. She sighed out loud without meaning to.

The sound of Sam's sigh made it's way into Daniel's brain, and he registered her presence. He couldn't wait to share his discoveries with her.

"Sam! You're never gonna belief what I've found! It's amazing," he said in one breath.

Sam beamed at him, trying to remember the last time she'd seen that particular spark in his lovely blue eyes. "Tell me!" she said, ignoring her desire to eat.

In fantastic Daniel style, he showed Sam around the room and explained everything in rapid fire dialog.

"It's an Ancient repository of culture, similar to the Ancient repository of knowledge, but different in that instead of injecting the knowledge into your subconscious, it's meant to be enjoyed and experienced. It was established by an Ancient couple, Menarushe and his wife Intari, because they wanted to preserve their culture accomplishments for others to enjoy.

"They made sure anyone could access the information. Sam, it's, it's incredible! There's everything from complete literary works to holographic artwork and videos, even textbooks and games. Just try and imagine how long its been since they've been seen! Or for that matter, the millions of lives they touched when they were contemporary! The couple even left behind their field journals, and it looks like the studied everything. Everything! I mean, I could spend the next ten years in this room and still not get through all this information."

Sam laughed at his enthusiasm, eternally glad that she had had the good foresight to tell Major Lorne not to disturb anything after he reported finding it. She'd known it would be perfect for Daniel, but she'd never anticipated just how goo.

"That's wonderful, Daniel! Show me," she said simply, and for the next hour, he did just that. Sam found the tablets just as engrossing as Daniel did.

"You know, I've always wondered why we haven't seen more holographic imaging in the databases," Sam said. "We've known they were capable of it. But to actually see an Ancient orchestra performing... It's overwhelmingly beautiful."

"I know,"

"Col. Carter," Sam heard in her ear piece. _Time to get back to reality,_ Sam though with a bit of sadness.

"Go ahead," she replied.

"Just wanted to let you know that we're ready for the shift change here, Ma'am."

"Thank you, Major. Have a good night," she answered. Was it really that time already?

"What's up?" Daniel asked.

"Just a routine shift change, but it reminds me that it is really late and we haven't eaten yet. Think you can tear yourself away long enough to join me for some dinner?"

"I think I can manage that, yes," Daniel smiled and followed Sam from the room. As they made their way toward the transport chamber, Daniel felt lighter than he had in an incredibly long time. Pieces of himself were emerging from the recesses of his soul, and he felt more alive than he had in a really long time.

_It's time,_ Daniel thought, smiling to himself.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I'm terribly sorry for not posting this sooner. We just moved and had to switch internet providers, which naturally resulted in a loss of service that took them a week to figure out. I've been writing steadily, though, and (internet gods willing) will be posting them quickly over the next few days. I hope you enjoy this chapter and those that follow. Please read and review!!!**

"So, any idea what's on the menu?" Daniel asked, feeling relaxed and more ready than he'd expected as the moment to put his plan into action drew closer.

"Not really, but it's always something good right after a supply shipment. They usually send something through that's fresh, not preserved or ready-to-eat, so it'll have to be made first. Those meals are always the best."

"Seems like you're really getting a feel for this place," Daniel commented genially.

"I am," Sam nodded as the entered the transport chamber.

"Any chance we can get dinner to go?" Daniel asked. He was standing fairly close to Sam, as he always did, and Sam once again basked in the feeling of having him nearby.

"Yes, but why? Are you too good to eat in the dining hall with everyone else?" she teased.

"No, no, it's not that at all. I just feel like we still have so much to catch up on. Plus, I brought you the latest Michael Bublé album and I thought we could listen to it over dinner."

Sam's radiant smile was all the gratification Daniel could have asked for. He knew that Sam's grandfather had loved Sinatra and big band music in general, and that she had always had an affinity for Michael Bublé because it reminded her of that part of her childhood.

"You're the best. Have I told you that lately?"

"Ah, no, not really," he joked. They grabbed their dinners and headed back to the transport chamber, talking about the wonders of the library and what it meant in terms of their understanding of the Ancients.

"It's a nice night. Feel like eating on the balcony again?" he asked nonchalantly. The skies were clear and he couldn't have asked for a more romantic setting.

Sam nodded and set up their dinners while Daniel grabbed the CD and lap top from his duffel bag.

"Here we go," he said, and they listened as _The Best is Yet To Come_ started to play. The jazzy sounds were the perfect music to go with his mood.

"So, I told you all about what I've been up to. Now it's your turn to share," he said, watching as she released her long hair from the low ponytail she'd been wearing, the breeze lifting some of the strands to catch in the moonlight.

"Uh, where to begin? Things are going okay, really. Better than okay, most days. At first I felt like a fish out of water, which I wrote to you about. But it seems like the more we go through together, the more I feel like I'm a part of this. I'm really growing to respect the people I work with. Even Rodney. It's a different feeling than what we've shared as SG-1, because it's bigger. Not to mention the fact that I'm their leader first and friend second.

"Some times its frustrating, though. I'm so used to being the one that everyone goes to figure stuff out, but that's not my role here. I have to trust in the people of the Expedition to solve most of what comes up. Don't get me wrong, I contribute. But it's not the same, and that's been hard.

"Some days I really miss having a machine to mess around with. Or at least my bike! Tinkering always helped me relieve some of the stress."

"I wish you would have told me," Daniel grinned. "I could have brought it with me."

Sam laughed. "Yeah, sure. I can just see myself driving it down one of the piers, the comm going off in my ear telling me the city's on fire while I'm going for a joy ride."

"Good point," Daniel conceded. He could tell that she was unwinding for the evening, and relaxation was a good look on her. "I'm sure it's a difficult adjustment, though."

"It is, but I really think I'm getting the hang of it. You know, it's hard to be the one left in the room, watching while other people go out there and put their lives on the line. Now I know a little of how Jack must've felt when he took over the SGC. Still, this feels like the right place for me to be now."

"I can tell. You look really happy here." Their dinner was finished and Daniel had been watching her intently. He knew it was now or never.

"I love this song," Sam said, just as _Call Me Irresponsible_ began to play. Daniel couldn't have asked for a more gift-wrapped opening. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he stood up from the table.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, extending a hand to her. Sam laughed nervously. There was a spark in Daniel's eyes that made her heart leap. But what harm could a simple dance do? Deciding to live in the moment, she took his hand and allowed herself to be pulled up.

He clasped her hand against his chest and placed his other arm around her waist, moving her so close their hips were touching. The glow of three of the planet's five moons lent a soft light to the night as the two began to move from side to side.

"It's been a long time since I've danced," Daniel said, his low voice breaking the silence. The scent of her hair was driving him crazy, and the feel of her pressed against him as they moved in a steady rhythm was intoxicating.

"Ah, yeah, me too," Sam managed. Her mind couldn't quite seem to focus on much, jumping between the feel of Daniel's hand on the small of her back, his solid chest and the muscles of his shoulders beneath her hands, or the warmth of his breath against her temple.

Without thinking, Sam turned to look into Daniel's handsome face. He was smiling gently down at her, leading her body back and forth to the sultry music. Her hand snaked into his hair, something she'd never intended to do. She should pull it back, she thought, put some distance between them, but instead she leaned into him, pushing their bodies even closer. She felt the solid wall of his chest against her breasts. A corner of his mouth went up in a sexy half-smile, and her eyes were drawn to his soft lips.

Sam couldn't stop herself. She closed the distance between them, pressing her lips gently to Daniel's.

Danie's mind went blank for a moment. _Sam_ was kissing him! _Then do something about it, you idiot,_ his mind shouted. He responded by kissing her slowly and tenderly, reveling in the way the smooth skin of her lips moved against his. The light caress drove Daniel's breath from his body. It was better than he'd ever dreamed it would be, and considering how many times he'd imagined it, that was saying something.

The contact sent shock waves through Sam, causing her heart to race. One hand was locked in Daniel's soft hair, and her other soon joined it as she pulled him closer. His hands moved along her sides and back. They were both lost in the moment, neither thinking or caring about anything except the way it felt to hold each other.

As the song ended, Daniel's consciousness was drawn back to the present. As wonderful as this was, it was starting to get chilly, not to mention very late.

Reluctantly, Daniel broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to Sam's and trying to catch his breath. For a moment, he couldn't move or speak, and neither couldn't Sam.

"Ah, why... why don't we move inside?" Daniel asked gently, hoping against hope that Sam wouldn't run for the door.

"Um, yeah, okay," was all she could manage. She cleared away the remnants of their dinners while Daniel grabbed the lap top, glad to have something to do with her hands. Sam's mind was racing, wondering what the hell had just happened, and what it meant. Had she really kissed Daniel? And had it really felt so good... so _right_?

She made her way back into the living room, where Daniel was already waiting. He was standing with his arms crossed, one hand in front of his mouth, looking at her intently. She contemplated what to do next. She knew that what she wanted to do, more than anything, was to run back into his arms and pick up where they left off. But her mind was telling her that if she did, their friendship could be ruined. If neither of them moved, maybe they could just pretend it had never happened, or that it didn't mean anything. And things could go back to normal. But Sam didn't believe that was possible. She didn't think she'd ever be the same.

But Daniel didn't give her a chance to do anything, because he closed the distance between them in two strides and swept her back into his embrace. His mouth found hers, passionately erasing any feeble resistance Sam might have built up. She matched his intensity, and her hands sought the warm skin beneath his t-shirt. He moaned against her mouth. He was breathing raggedly, and Sam felt a surge of excitement at his response to her touch.

This time, it was Sam who broke the contact. She smiled up at Daniel, having decided exactly what her next move was going to be. She took his hand in hers and led him into the bedroom, where she pulled off his shirt. She ran her hands over his chest, taking in every contour beneath her fingers. She wanted to memorize every inch of him while she could, afraid that this brief moment of insanity would be short lived and wanting it to last forever.

She watched as Daniel closed his eyes, then brought his hands up to cover hers, stilling their exploration.

_This is all wrong!_ Daniel screamed to himself. Things were supposed to go slow! He was going to woo Sam gently, feel her out to see if there could ever really be anything between them. This was moving way too fast, and if he didn't put on the breaks soon he wouldn't be able to. He wouldn't give her any reason to regret it if they made love.

He pulled Sam into a hug and struggled to find his voice. Amazingly, it comes to him, and it sounds far steadier than he feels.

"Sam, I think we should stop." _Even though I want this more than I've ever wanted anything,_ he told himself, but he kept the truth to himself.

_Oh, god, what have I done?_ Sam thought helplessly. Daniel, her sweet, kind, wonderful Daniel, was here in her arms, reigning in this craziness that had taken over her.

"You're right Daniel. God, I'm... I'm so sorry." She pushed away from him and made her way quickly out the bedroom door, intent on going to her quarters before she could embarrass herself further.

"Sam, wait!" He caught her arm, gently stopping her in her tracks and turned her to face him. "Hey, look at me," he said softly, placing a finger under her chin and looking deeply into her eyes. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You know that I... care about you, Sam, and our friendship. I just don't want things to get carried away, and if we don't stop right now that's exactly what will happen." He smiled at her, trying to downplay the flood of emotions vibrating through his body.

"I know. I just... missed you so much," she finished lamely, knowing that she was holding back.

"I missed you, too," he said, kissing her forehead. "Please, don't go. I'd be happy to just hold you for the rest of the night." _Or the rest of my life._

Sam smiled against his chest. She knew what he was doing, knew that he was trying to comfort her without leading her on. But her pride wasn't completely gone. _I will gracefully turn him down and walk out of this room with some of my dignity left intact._

"Thanks, Daniel, but I don't think that's a good idea. I should be in my own quarters, in case there's an emergency."

He almost asked her if he could join her, desperate to keep her near, but decided to give her the space she was asking for. He simply nodded and reluctantly released her arm. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked her to the door.

"Thanks for a wonderful evening," Sam managed.

"It was my pleasure, believe me." Seeing something like sadness in her eyes, Daniel frowned and once again stopped her from leaving the room. "Sam, wait." He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her in for another achingly sweet kiss. He kept it short, not trusting himself for more. "Good night," he breathed against her lips.

"Good night, Daniel," Sam replied, then opened the door and walked out. He stood in the doorway and watched as she entered the transport chamber, and she smiled at him weakly as the doors closed on her. She managed to make it all the way into her quarters before her tears fell.

"You're such an idiot Samantha Carter!" she scolded herself out loud. For once, she wasn't crying out of sadness, but from frustration. She didn't know what was going on with her lately, but she was going to get it under control. She wouldn't throw herself at her best friend just because she was afraid of spending her life alone. And she refused to think there was anything more to it.

Angry at herself, she went through her bedtime preparations in a rush, finally settling herself into bed and turned out the light. Sleep was slow in coming, as her mind relived every exquisite moment she'd spent locked in Daniel's embrace.

She thought about the other loves she'd had in her life. Never before had a mere kiss affected her the way Daniel's had. It was more than the tenderness she'd shared with Pete, more than the passion she'd shared with Jack. It was both, all rolled into one.

_But it's over,_ she told herself firmly. It was a fleeting occurrence, and she would not repeat it. Even if she wanted to with ever fiber of her being.

Her last thought, as exhaustion finally won out, was a promise to herself that she wouldn't make a fool out of herself tomorrow, no matter how badly she might want him.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thank you so much to all my loyal and enthusiastic readers! You make it worth neglecting the mountain of other things I should be doing! Writing this has had a healing effect on my life, which I've need. I can only hope you're enjoying the reading as much as I'm enjoying the writing. So now, without further ado....**

Watching Sam get on the elevator, Daniel knew she was upset. Which really wasn't a surprise! For being a linguist, he really hadn't explained things properly. He'd cut things short and then she'd left abruptly. They should have talked about things more, instead of just leaving it where they had. But he'd seen the look in her eyes that begged him to let her go, so he'd given in.

He only had one defense. It had been incredibly hard not to confess his feelings for her, to let her know just how much love he held in his heart for her. When their lips had touched, it had been exquisite agony! He wanted so badly to believe that Sam had initiated that kiss for the same reasons he had responded, but what if he was wrong? He didn't want to scare her off, and the intensity of his feelings could do just that. In the end, his own cowardice had been only too happy to give in.

Now he had to figure out what to do next. If he didn't handle things carefully, he could ruin their relationship forever. If he knew Sam, and he did, she would be feeling awkward about what had happened. She would probably even try to avoid him if she could, until enough time had passed that he wouldn't mention it.

Well, there was no way in hell Daniel was going to let that happen.

* * * * * *

In the morning, Sam went about her regular routine, assuring herself that the easiest way to deal with Daniel was to just ignore whatever had happened last night. He was enough of a gentleman that he would let it go. So there was nothing to get worked up about. It was just a weak moment, and they could easily get passed it. Afterall, she really only had to get through the next week and half, and then he'd be gone and she could deal with her emotions in peace.

She finished getting dressed and decided to head to the mess for breakfast and coffee. She opened the door and started to head about before stopping dead in her tracks. Daniel stood there in a white button down shirt and blue jeans, completed with a leather jacket and a devilishly handsome smile, extending her a mug of coffee and holding its twin in his other hand.

"Good morning," he said brightly as she took the mug.

"Good morning," she replied, sighing. Looks like ignoring him was going to be out of the question.

"Care to join me for breakfast?" he asked as he fell into step next to her.

"Sure," she smiled. It was hard to be mad at anyone who looked as delicious as he did at the moment. At least one of them appeared to have gotten a good night's sleep.

"Great." As they made their way through the brief line, Sam watched as Daniel flirted with the young girl behind the serving counter who was refilling the muffins and had to suppress a grin at the way the girl reacted. She was accidentally mixing the blueberry and the chocolate, completely unaware. He probably had no idea about the kind of effect he had on women, she thought wryly, including herself. Nevermind the fleeting twinge of jealousy. She absolutely would not dwell on that.

"Colonel Carter, Dr. Jackson, would you care to join us?" Teyla called.

"Sure, Teyla. Thanks," Daniel smiled, seating himself on the same side of the table as Teyla and Rodney, leaving Sam to sit next to John and Ronan.

"So, Dr. Jackson, you must have found a lot to keep you busy yesterday," John said lightly.

"Ah, yes, actually, I did. I'm not sure I'm ready to announce anything formal just yet, but suffice-it-to-say I'm thoroughly enchanted with my work here."

"Oh, really? Surely you can tell _us_ what you've found? I mean, I am the head of the science department. By all rights, I should have been the one in there, learning about everything."

"Rodney, we discussed this. You're needed for other, more important tasks," Sam said, trying and failing not to make the _important_ part of that sentence sound too sarcastic.

"Yes, so you said. Still, I don't think it would be too much of a stretch for me to have spent an hour or two doing a preliminary exploration."

"Anyway," John said, cutting Rodney off before he could go on any more,"we're glad to have you here again. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help you, Dr. Jackson."

"I will, thanks."

Daniel spent the rest of the meal talking with the group about current events on Earth while Sam watched, eating mostly in silence. He could fit in just about every where, something that had never ceased to amaze her. Sam couldn't even count the number of times Daniel had approached complete strangers on a new planet and earned their trust in a matter of minutes. It was hard not to respond to his genuine kindness, the way she had from the first moment they'd met.

"Well, I think I should be going. Thank you all for a lovely meal," Daniel said, rising from the table.

"I believe it is us who should be thanking you, Dr. Jackson," Teyla replied.

"I have to go, too. I'll see you all in about an hour for the debriefing?" Sam asked.

"Yes, Ma'am. We'll be there."

"Great. I'll see you later Daniel." Daniel watched as she walked from the room, the confident stride of a full-bird colonel, before turning to make his way to the library. She really did belong here, he thought with a smile and a small sigh of resignation.

* * * * * *

"Okay, is it just me, or is something weird going on with the two of them?" Ronan asked. He was the newest member of the Atlantis expedition and was the least familiar with the history of SG-1.

"What? Oh, no, no. Col. Carter and Dr. Jackson have just been friends for really long time. They were team mates together, you know."

"I don't know, Rodney. There appeared to more to it than that. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him," Teyla added.

"Yeah. And did you see the way he watched her leave? Don't get me wrong, I love you guys, but I'm not going to watch you walk out of a room that way. Well, maybe you, Rodney," Sheppard teased.

"Oh, ha, ha. Very funny, again, Colonel. Anyway, I don't see what you're talking about. There's nothing between Dr. Jackson and Col. Carter but deep friendship and admiration," Rodney insisted. "Believe me, I've known them longer than any of you have."

"If you say so," Ronan agreed, sharing a look with his other two team mates that clearly said he did not.

* * * * * *

"Dr. Romani, I understand where you're coming from. Believe me, I really do. But the truth is that my hands are tied. That research doesn't seem to show the kind of promise we need right now, and our resources are just too limited to allow for projects that don't aide us in our greater mission."

"That's outrageous, Colonel Carter. Scientific experimentation should never be limited to what is justifiable for the military. I expected more out of an astrophysicist than the same old bureaucratic nonsense."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Laura. Please believe me when I say that I get it, because I truly do. And in theory, I agree with you. But as the leader of this expedition I have to think about the whole, and right now the whole would be better served if you were to work on Dr. Zelenka's project. I hope you can come to understand that," Sam finished.

"I don't think that I have much choice, do I?"

As she watched the petite brunette storm from her office, Sam felt exhausted. This day had been stressful from the moment she'd walked into the operations tower. She always hated to give those speeches to her crew, but they were necessary.

At least being around Daniel hadn't been as bad as she'd thought. Daniel had shown up at noon on the dot to escort her to lunch, which had gone as smoothly as breakfast had. She would say things were back to normal, but she knew better. Even though there'd been no contact, Sam was no less aware of Daniel than she'd been yesterday. In fact, she was even more conscious of her attraction to her endearing best friend, because now she knew exactly how amazing it was to--

"Sam? Is this thing working?" Sam smiled. _Speak of the devil. _Daniel was apparently trying to work his ear piece for the first time.

"Yes, Dr. Jackson, your comm is working just fine," someone replied.

"Ah, great. Thanks," Daniel said, sounding a bit confused. "Ah, Colonel Carter, please respond," he continued with more formality.

"Go ahead, Daniel," she said, trying not to laugh out loud.

"Uh, yes. I was wondering if you would be able to meet me here in the library for a few minutes. There's something I want to show you. It's not urgent or anything, just... interesting. It can wait, if you've got other pressing matters." Again, Sam had to suppress her laughter.

"It's fine, Daniel. I'm just finishing something now, but I'll be available shortly."

"Great, thanks," Daniel finished. He touched his ear piece again, assuming that this would turn the speaker off so that others would no longer be able to hear him, and surveyed his handiwork.

He'd spent a good portion of the afternoon setting up the scene before him, and he wanted everything to be perfect. Daniel was actually in a room adjoining the library that had an incredible view of the ocean, being that it appeared suspended over the sea at one of the city's five outer spokes. From the view of the curved glass window, it looked as if this were the only spot on the entire planet.

Daniel had brought a table and chairs here, and set up holographs of Ancient artwork around the room. He'd figured out how to get the music collection tablets to play one song after another, and had found the perfect soundtrack for the evening. Then he'd made his way to the kitchen and asked for a special supply container he'd had sent through. The girl from breakfast had been only too happy to assist him, and he'd been able to bake the perfect vegetable lasagna for two.

For the finishing touch, Daniel had uncorked a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. Normally, he knew Sam would never indulge on duty, but he hoped she would make an exception for just one glass.

"Daniel, I'm on my way," he heard, and smiled.

"Ah, copy that," he replied. Taking his cue, he lit the two taper candles and went back to the library.

He took a deep breath, rehearsing what he wanted to say before Sam arrived. Before this night was out, he was going to tell Sam that he loved her.


	22. Chapter 22

As Sam walked down the corridor, she tried not to think too heavily about the fact that she was about to be alone with Daniel. Again. Or about the ways she wanted to spend that time, because those were dangerous thoughts. She hoped what he had to show her wouldn't take long and that she could convince him to eat dinner in the mess with everyone else tonight. Being around people would help her keep her hands, and lips, to herself, she thought wryly.

As she entered the library, she was confused. Daniel was standing with his back to her at one of the consoles, but nothing looked any different from yesterday. Normally when he had something to show her, she found him deeply engrossed in it, almost to the point where she had to yank him back to the present. He almost looked bored. What was it that he wanted to show her?

"Daniel?" she called, watching as he turned and smiled at her.

"Sam, good. I think you're going to enjoy what I want to show you," he said, moving toward her.

"I'm sure I will. What is it?"

"Actually, it's in an adjacent room. If you'd follow me," he answered, placing a hand at the small of her back and leading her gently out of the room. The urge to kiss her was intense, but he didn't want to frighten her off so he controlled himself.

"But Daniel, I know for a fact there's nothing in any of the surrounding rooms. The survey--" her voice failed her as she entered the room and saw a candlelight dinner. She heard Ancient music, and looked at the stunning artwork and a breathtaking view of the deep sapphire ocean.

"It occurred to me this morning that these pieces were meant to be enjoyed, not locked in tablets. So, I've put them on display, so to speak. I thought this would be the perfect setting to enjoy dinner."

Sam just kept staring, absorbing the lovely setting. On the one hand, this was exactly the kind of thing she meant to avoid, and a part of her wanted to bolt from the room. On the other, she couldn't help but feel special at the effort Daniel had put into this, and a larger part of her wanted to stay and indulge herself.

"Uh, it's.. it's lovely, Daniel. Thank you," she stuttered.

"Thanks. I've prepared a vegetable lasagna just for the occasion," he said modestly, pulling out a chair for her.

"Do you have any other surprises up your sleeve, Dr. Jackson?" she asked with mock seriousness. She definitely did _not_ feet a thrill at this turn of events, she tried (and failed) to convince herself. Inwardly, she gave up. There was no way she could walk away at this moment, even if she would regret it later. She was usually much better at containing her emotions, but when it came to Daniel, she was finding that practically impossible.

"You'll just have to find out," he teased as he took his seat across from her.

"It smells fantastic," she said, as he served her.

"Thanks," Daniel said. He was grinning boyishly at her, and Sam was finding it hard to take her eyes off him. Deciding that action would be the best distraction, she began eating.

"Oh, wow, Daniel. This is delicious! How did you manage it?"

"Well, normally I wouldn't want to reveal my secrets, but for you I'll make an exception," he said, still grinning. "I sent everything through in a marked supply container, and then cooked it this afternoon in the kitchen."

"Is that so?" she asked, one eyebrow raising in Teal'c like fashion. "You didn't happen to have the assistance of a certain muffin girl, did you?"

"Actually, I did. Why?" The look on his face said Daniel clearly didn't understand where she was going with such an inquiry, which made Sam laugh.

"Oh Daniel, you're so clueless sometimes."

"I guess I can't really argue with that," he said. "How was your day?" He was barely eating anything, finding that his nerves were making it hard to concentrate. He didn't want to just blurt out his feelings. He needed an opening. Maybe if she talked for a while, he'd find it.

"Ugh," Sam sighed. "Stressful. First, John's team had a debriefing, which normally goes well. Except this time Rodney had to contradict pretty much everything anyone said. Their mission was to go to one of our trading partners to discuss ways to increase harvests. You know, the usual. We'll help them with growing technology if they'll provide us with an agreeable share of the harvest. I think mainly Rodney was just annoyed because this particular planet provides us with some citrus crops. Did you know that's he's deathly allergic to citrus?"

"No," Daniel laughed. "That's handy information, though."

"Isn't it?" Sam said wickedly. "Then, I had to talk with several different researchers about their current projects. Each one comes up for review after a month, and at that point I have to decide whether to continue allowing the research or whether to reassign them. It's never fun to tell a scientist that the work they're passionately involved in has to stop, but right now we've got to concentrate on ways to fight the Wraith. All other research has to take a back seat."

"Yes, I imagine those conversations wouldn't be pleasant," Daniel said. As she was talking, he could see her shoulders relax. She hadn't really relaxed around him all day, and he took this as a good sign.

"On top of that, we had an issue in the drone room. It seems that during the last inventory, some of the drones were stored incorrectly. It was discovered during a routine inspection this afternoon, but if it hadn't, there could have been serious repercussions."

"Still glad you took the job?" Daniel joked.

Sam sighed and shook her head. "Despite it all, yes I am. I must be insane! Though I have to admit, it's been nice to have you here. It feels more like home somehow."

"I know what you mean," Daniel replied. They'd finished dinner now, and both sat sipping their wine. He inhaled, steeling himself. This was probably the best chance he was going to get. "I don't feel out of place as much this time around, which I think is because you're here with me."

She watched the way the flickering light played across his handsome features, watched the way his tongue darted across his lips after taking a drink, savoring the bitter drink. She ached to assist him in the task.

"Well, thank you for dinner. It was delightful," Sam said, suddenly standing.

"Do you have more work," Daniel asked, looking anxious. Sam thought about how she should answer that. There was always something she could be doing, but in all honesty there was nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow. Still, she was sure she couldn't trust herself to stay. But when she tried, she found that she couldn't make herself leave. The reality was that she didn't want to waste one minute of his time here, even if that meant suffering in silence. She sighed in resignation.

"No, nothing that can't wait. Why?" She noted the relief that shone in his eyes and allowed herself to return his smile. _What are you getting yourself into?_

"I was just hoping you might like to take a walk out on the pier. The city looks beautiful from there, and I really want to stretch my legs." With more time, he could broach the subject on his own terms, he thought. Assuming of course that he didn't chicken out.

"Sounds great. Lead the way."

He smiled at her, feeling for all the world like Christmas had come early, blew out the candles, and took her hand. He was so absorbed in his thoughts about the right way to tell her what was on his mind the hadn't noticed that Sam had stopped walking.

Once outside, Sam was speechless. She hadn't found the time to walk along any of the piers since she'd come here, let alone at night. The silver city shown in the moonlight, which gave it the appearance of being sculpted from ice. It was majestic, commanding respect, as it stood defiantly in the middle of the sea. From this vantage point, she felt a new sense of awe at her new home. It was truly a view that was unlike anything she'd ever seen before.

"Oh, Daniel. It's incredible," she whispered.

"I know," he said earnestly, looking at her as she took it all in, and thinking how the city wasn't the only thing that fit that description.

He took her hand and gently led her onward, not worried about the silence that had fallen. It gave him a chance to collect his thoughts, and Sam's mind was so preoccupied that she didn't have a chance to start building up those walls she was so good at erecting. It was some time before he noticed her shiver, and realized that it was colder this close to the water than he'd anticipated. Sam's regular uniform didn't seem to be doing the trick, so he pulled off his jacket and offered it to her.

"Here," he said softly.

"Thanks," she replied, inhaling the scent of Daniel's musky aftershave that clung to his coat. He smelled _good_.

"Sam, I think we should talk about last night," he began. It was now or never.

"Daniel, I--"

"No, let me go first, please," he said, taking charge. He was afraid if he didn't get this out he never would. "I just wanted you to know that I don't regret it. Not for a second." He paused, trying to get his mouth to cooperate with his mind. He wanted to tell her that he'd done it because he loved her, and always would. But his fears that she would reject him were causing his heart to race and his voice to falter.

Sam looked at him intently, gazing into his blue eyes and trying to figure out exactly what he was saying. "I don't either," she said honestly. He looked nervous, and she knew he was wondering how to tell her that he'd just been comforting a friend. Well, she could make him feel easier on that count. "I just feel like I've taken terrible advantage of our friendship," she added. She had to make sure nothing changed between them, becausing losing Daniel would crush her.

"What?" Daniel asked, his thoughts interrupted and feeling thoroughly confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I know that you were just being a good friend. How could you regret that? See, I've been feeling really lonely lately, and it scares me. I'm afraid of growing old alone. I acted on that fear when I kissed you, because you're so familiar, and I knew you would be too nice to reject me." _You are a liar, Samantha Carter, _an inner voice screamed. Ignoring it, she continued, "I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

The crease in Daniel's brow got deeper. He turned to gaze out at the ocean, trying to fight the feelings of helplessness that had tightened his chest as she'd spoken. _See, I told you!_ his inner fears shouted. _And you could have just told her everything! Aren't you glad I stopped you? _He was finding it hard to breathe, hard to concentrate. Is that really what had happened?

"You're saying you only kissed me because you were feeling lonely?" he asked slowly, saying each word carefully, all the while praying he'd heard her incorrectly, desperately clinging to the hope that it had been more.

"Yes," she asserted with false bravado, knowing she was doing what was best for their friendship even though she felt like a part of her was dying. She'd never lied to Daniel before.

"And you think the only reason I kissed you back was because I didn't want to hurt your feelings?" He continued looking out at the ocean, trying to hide the sadness that threatened to engulf him from her perceptive eyes.

"Yeah," she sighed, glad that he wasn't looking at her. She'd never have been able to lie to his face, and couldn't believe she was doing it at all. But a life where she'd lied to Daniel had to be better than a life without him at all.

It was too much for Daniel. He walked away from her toward the end of the pier, trying to put some space between them so he could process this. He'd known that it was a long shot, him and Sam. But the idea that what had happened had been just loneliness, that Daniel was just filling in for any random guy, or, worse, Jack... it cut too deeply.

"Daniel? Are you okay?" She hadn't expected this reaction from him at all. She'd expected him to laugh it off with her, to understand. She'd thought her words would have been a relief. She studied his shoulders, noticing for the first time the signs of his anger, his pain. That didn't make sense.

"Do you honestly believe," he rounded on her, "that I would... that I _could_... that I was just too nice to reject you? Is that how you see me? Because if so, you don't know me at all."

"Daniel?" She watched as he paced back and forth, shaking with emotion. "I don't understand. Talk to me, please."

He stood, just staring at her, steadying himself. He wanted to scream at her, to tell her that he'd never kiss someone out of pity. He'd wanted to yell that he'd only acted that way because he loved her. That she was a fool if she thought there was anyone out there who would love her more than he did. _Yeah, that's the way to tell her you love her. Scream it at her. That'll change everything._

He closed his eyes and tried to pull himself together. Sam had told him the truth, and he had to accept that. If he wanted to save any part of their friendship, he didn't need to do any more damage.

Sam watched as he struggled, waiting for him to say something. After what felt like an eternity, he opened his eyes. She thought she saw a deep sadness there, but his face broke into a smile and he was talking.

"Nothing, Sam. It's nothing. I think I'm just feeling the effects of that wine a bit too strongly. You know how I can be. It, ah, looks like it's going to storm soon. Why don't we head back?" He was walking briskly toward her, his eyes looking firmly at the pier below.

_He's walking a bit too briskly_, Sam thought. Something wasn't right.

"Daniel, what's wrong?" she said worriedly.

"I'm fine, really" he replied, but he still didn't meet her eyes. She stopped and turned to him, determined to make him face her and tell her what was really going on, but before any words left her mouth, lightening lit up the sky and a loud clap of thunder convinced Sam that she could wait to confront him once they were safely inside Atlantis. They'd walked farther from the city than she'd realized. If they hurried, they might beat the rain.

They didn't quite make it. Buckets of water rained down on them angrily, drenching them when they were just feet from the door. Chilled to the bone, Sam stopped just inside the entrance and rubbed her hands up and down her arms, realizing that she still wore Daniels jacket. She shrugged it off and handed it to him, noticing how utterly and completely soaked he was.

"Daniel, I'm sorry I had your coat. You must be freezing!"

"Ah, yeah, actually, I am. I think I'll head to my room for a warm shower."

"Oh, okay." They walked together to the transport chamber, Sam walking a step behind her silent friend. Something was still bothering him, but she felt guilty about how wet he'd gotten and she didn't want to push it at the moment. Stepping inside, Daniel waited for her to enter, glancing up for a moment and shooting her a small smile that didn't soothe her in the least. In an instant, they were at his room.

"Thanks for sharing dinner, Sam," he called, walking from the chamber as soon as the doors opened.

"Uh, you're welcome," Sam said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Ah, yeah." He waved quickly and brushed his hand over the panel that opened his room. Sam watched as he dashed into his room and the door swished closed behind him. Almost like he was running away from her.

As she pressed the button on the screen that would take her back to her quarters, she sighed deeply, not being able to help the feeling that they'd just lost something.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I'm aware that you want these two bone heads to get it together, and I promise they will. Eventually....**

Daniel barely made it into the shower before the sobs overwhelmed him, shaking his entire body. As the heated water flowed over him, Daniel felt every one of his dreams washing away.

He'd known it was too good to be true, known that Sam would, could, never feel anything for him but friendship. And still he'd let himself get carried away, allowed himself to hope, pray, hell he'd even been ready to beg for more.

For a few glorious moments, he'd held her in his arms, glimpsed what it would be like to love her and be loved in return. It had been wonderful, beyond anything he was prepared for. But now it was all gone, taken away before he'd even gotten a chance to enjoy it.

He just stood there, struggling to get his emotions under control, not caring how long it took. He had to master himself, had to put his wild fantasies away. He would not loose Sam! He'd vowed that many years ago, when he'd first realized that he loved her. Even it if it killed him, he would not give up their friendship. Somehow, he would find a way to smile at her tomorrow, to make her feel like everything was going to be alright. Once he was back on Earth, he could fall apart in peace.

After what felt like hours, Daniel finally turned the water off and got ready for bed. Numb, he laid down and willed sleep to come and take him away from his waking nightmare.

* * * * * * * *

Sam glanced at the clock for the hundredth time, wondering again if she should go and look for Daniel. She hadn't seen him at breakfast or lunch, and he hadn't contacted her. She'd even contacted Keller to see if he'd landed in the infirmary, always an option in Daniel's case. But no, he hadn't.

In her gut, Sam knew something about last night had bothered Daniel. Really bothered him. She couldn't figure out what he'd meant, though his words still rang in her ears. _"Do you honestly believe that I would... that I could... that I was just too nice to reject you? Is that how you see me? Because if so, you don't know me at all."_

Of course Daniel would never reject her. He'd always been there for her, whenever she'd needed her. There were times she swore he knew her better than she knew herself. So why would he be so offended that she saw him that way?

She had no answer, but the question refused to leave her alone. It drove her crazy. What she needed to do, instead of thinking about it, was to act on it. But her duties demanded her attention, and for the moment she was stuck.

When Sam couldn't take it any longer, she made her way to the mess to see if Daniel showed up for dinner. If she didn't see him soon, she would have every inch of the enormous city searched until he was found, even if she had to do it by herself.

As she rounded the corner and entered the open room, she saw him, sitting alone at a table. Relief spread through her. It was just barely dinner time, and she wondered what he was doing here so early. _Probably trying to avoid me. _Well, she wasn't going to give him a chance to escape this time.

"There you are," she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. He looked amazing, despite her worries, and she wanted to hug him fiercely just to assure herself he was really there.

She saw him take a breath before turning his clear blue eyes onto her and beaming a classic Daniel grin at her. "Here I am," he smiled.

"But where have you been all day? That is the question." She turned her most penetrating stare on him. She wanted to know he was okay, and she didn't feel the least bit convinced yet that he was.

"Taking in the sights, mostly. You're living in a beautiful city, and I wanted to check out more of it than just the library. You weren't worried, were you?"

"A little. After all, you are Dr. Daniel Jackson, the man with a permanent bed at the SGC infirmary." She smiled at him, feeling some of her tension ease. He seemed more like himself, and she finally felt the doubts of the day retreating.

"Ah, well, I'm glad to report that your worries were unfounded."

"Me, too. I'm going to grab some food. Don't go anywhere," she commanded.

"Yes, ma'am," Daniel laughed, watching her walk away.

Inwardly, he sighed. He'd made it. It had taken him the entire day before he felt he could face her, but he'd done it. Now he just had to get through dinner. After that, he could claim exhaustion and escape back to the sanctity of his quarters.

Once she returned, they talked briefly about the events of the day, and before long more people showed up. Sheppard's team was back and starved for what Rodney called "real food," or, as Sam interpreted, "no lemons," and they sat down with them. Soon others, like Dr. Keller and Dr. Zelenka, joined them, and they had to put two tables together to accommodate everyone. Daniel found it a relief not to have to face Sam one-on-one, because the longer he sat near her the harder it became to wear his mask.

The hours quickly passed as each person took turns sharing SG horror stories. Normally Daniel would have had plenty of his own to share, but it was far easier to simply laugh and smile with everyone else than it would have been to try to concentrate.

"Well," said Rodney, sighing dramatically, "sadly I find that I must break up our little party. I have work waiting at the office that I shouldn't have put off this long and I really must be going."

"What, you don't think the party can go on without you?" John smirked.

"Yeah, McKay. We don't need you to enjoy ourselves," added Ronan.

"Wait, what?!? No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I was only saying that I had to go--"

"As do I, Rodney. Would it be alright if I were to walk with you?" Teyla asked, defusing the situation before it could really get going.

After that, more and more people left until it was only Sam, Daniel, and Dr. Keller.

"Well, I think I should go, too," Daniel said, rising. "I'm pretty tired from my sight-seeing trek. Good night, Sam, Jennifer." He turned casually and left, trying not to run. _I made it! Thank God I made it._

"Night Daniel," Sam called, watching with not a little regret as he walked away. She'd hoped they'd be able to spend some more time together, but if he needed his rest she didn't want to stop him.

"Earth to Colonel Carter," the young doctor beside her teased.

"What?" Sam asked innocently.

"Oh no, I know that look. Just how long has this been going on?" Jennifer asked, as if she were diagnosing a patient.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes, you do. For the record, I can't say I blame you. Dr. Jackson is one fine-looking hunk of man. So come on. Out with it."

"What is about doctors that makes them so sure that they know everything?" Sam asked, only half joking. "Do you know how annoying that is?"

"Yes, actually. And no, you're not getting out of it. Spill," Jennifer demanded.

Sam was reminded of another small doctor who had forced her to talk, and couldn't help but smile. "I would love to, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't," Jennifer replied, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"Honestly," Sam returned.

"You mean to tell me that you haven't noticed that you can barely take your eyes off of Dr. Jackson when he's around? Or that you watched him walk from the room without blinking? Or that you look for him around every corner?"

Sam regarded her colleague for a moment. No, she truly hadn't noticed. Sure, she knew she was attracted to Daniel as she'd never been before. But she'd thought that her confused emotions had been completely internal. "Daniel and I are just friends. Good friends. The best of friends. It's just nice to see him after all this time." Was she rambling? Holy Hannah, she _was_ rambling!

"Yeah, okay. If you say so, Colonel." Something about the impish grin on the petite blonde's face told Sam she didn't buy that for a minute, but at least it seemed she wasn't going to press for more details. Jennifer rose from the table and gathered her food tray. "Have a good night, Sam."

"You too," Sam said, rising. She cleared her trash absentmindedly, trying to push all thoughts of what Dr. Keller had said out of her mind. There just wasn't anything romantic between her and Daniel. No matter how much she might want there to be.

At that, she paused. Did she truly want a romantic relationship with Daniel? It was a question she hadn't pondered. She knew she'd been having strange, powerful feelings for him, but she'd always assumed that they were caused by confusion and loneliness. She hadn't for one minute considered that she could genuinely be falling for her best friend.

But why not? Daniel was everything she could ever hope to find in someone. He was the whole package, and she would be lucky to find someone even half as incredible. It wasn't hard to wonder what she saw in him; rather, it was hard to wonder why it had taken her so long to see what had been right in front of her the whole time.

And there it was, staring her dead in the face. She did see something in Daniel. She saw a kind, loving, caring, amazing man. A handsome, charming man. A man she was in love with.

Colonel Doctor Samantha Carter loved Dr. Daniel Jackson. The truth rang within her, vibrating throughout her body, warming her.

Sam realized she was standing frozen in the mess hall, and embarrassingly finished clearing away her dinner, dazed by the force of her feelings. Suddenly, the last two nights changed.

She replayed the moments on Daniel's balcony when she'd danced in his arms, feeling afresh the sensation of kissing him, the way her heart had raced. Everything in her had responded to his touch. It had felt so good, so... _right_.

Her mind flashed forward to last night on the pier. She heard herself telling Daniel she'd only kissed him out of loneliness, watched as she _apologized_ for it. She'd known she was lying even then, but she hadn't known just how far from the truth she really was.

Finally, she heard Daniel's words again: _"Do you honestly believe that I would... that I could... that I was just too nice to reject you? Is that how you see me? Because if so, you don't know me at all."_

Understanding dawned upon her. Daniel was asking her if she really believed he would be intimate with her, or with anyone for that matter, out of pity. And she'd said yes!

_Dear god! _There were few moments in her life when the brilliant astrophysicist had felt truly stupid, but this definitely qualified. But then, if Daniel hadn't been acting out of pity, did that mean--

Not at all sure if she was doing the right thing, and for once not stopping to think about it, Sam made her way to the transport chamber.

* * * * * * * *

Daniel stood in the dark looking out the windows of his rooms, watching as the rain continued to pound against the city in an unrelenting fashion. The weather mirrored his feelings perfectly.

He'd made it through the day, albeit barely. He knew he could face Sam, and that they could still be friends. But the ache was still with him. He didn't think it would ever go away this time.

No, he knew that things between them wouldn't, couldn't been the same. Not for him. He didn't have the strength for it.

He only hoped he could make it through the next ten days. After that, there would be millions of light-years between them and he could nurse his broken heart without worrying that she would see.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't heard his door open. He didn't know that she was watching him, because if he had he wouldn't have allowed his pain and agony to show the way it was at the moment.

Taking in the sight of Daniel, Sam felt as if a thousand needles were stabbing into her soul. He looked crushed, and she knew she had done that to him. The thought drove the breath from her, and for a moment she was unable to speak. She just stood, watching him as he stared blankly out the window. She had to make it stop!

"Oh, Daniel," she whispered.

Daniel's shoulders slumped. She was here, now, and he knew that he didn't have the strength to hide from her what he was feeling. He sighed, and turned, wanting to get this over with. If this was how their relationship was to end, it was better to get it over quickly so he could move on with reality.

"I lied, Daniel. When I said I only kissed you because I was feeling lonely, I was lying." She was still whispering, as if speaking any louder were beyond her abilities. She moved closer to him, watching as his sad eyes followed. "The truth is that I wanted to kiss you. You, Daniel. No one else."

He closed his eyes, and she could see the hurt in his expression. "Sam, please. You don't have to do this. It's okay." It was the only defense he could muster, and he desperately hoped she would take it and leave. He didn't want her to see him like this.

"No, it's not. I... I have to get this out. You have to understand why I... why I lied. I thought I was just confused, that what I was feeling for you was nothing more than a lonely woman's hopeless wish not to be alone. I didn't think... I never even considered... Oh, Daniel, this is so hard."

"Sam, please," he pleaded. "Please, just go. We don't have to do this. I don't even think I _can_ do this." The look he was giving her now begged her to leave, and Sam felt something break inside.

"Uh... alright. I'll go. I'm.... I'm sorry..." she turned to flee the room. When she got to the door, she found that it wouldn't open. Tears began to spill from her eyes, from humiliation and frustration. She tapped her ear piece. "This is Colonel Carter. Operations Tower, come in," she demanded.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I really hope you enjoy this part of the story. If you do (heck, even if you don't) please leave me a review and let me know, won't you?**

"Sam, this is Rodney. I was just about to contact you. It appears that the power has gone out in some sections of the city."

"What?" she continued.

"As best we can tell," McKay continued in rapid fire, "the salinity of the water on this planet is higher than that of Atlantis's home world, which means that it conducts electricity faster. The grounding rods of the city, which as you know happen to be in the water, are calibrated to deal with regular fluctuations in the electrical currents that passs through the ocean, something they have been doing since the storm started yesterday. However, it seems some of the lightening strikes have hit the water about fifty miles away from the city, not close enough for us to raise the shield, but close enough to cause overloading in some of the circuits. Reserves are not an issue anywhere, so life support is unaffected. Just the main controls. Doors, transport chambers, some lighting. I'm working on it now, but it might be a while before all the power is back on."

_Perfect timing. _"What's the situation?"

"The inner most parts of the city are largely unaffected because of the emergency protocols in place. The operations tower and the gate are okay. The infirmary is fine, as well. Mostly we've just got people trapped in floors above and below the main operational portions of the tower. But, since it's late, the majority of people are in their quarters or other common areas. No one that we know if is stuck outside or in any place that they can't hold out for a while. Unless of course, you're stuck somewhere--"

"No, Rodney, I'm fine where I'm at. Exactly how long until the power comes back on?"

"Um, well, I can't say for sure, but I would say in the next hour or so."

"Or three or four, Colonel," Zelenka cut in.

"Well, yes, there's always the possibility that something unexpected will come up. But I'm sure that I can handle--"

"Rodney," Sam cut in.

"Definitely by morning," Rodney insisted.

Sam took a deep breath, barely able to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't be able to escape this room for at least an hour. "Sheppard?"

"I'm here, Colonel." Good.

"John, complete a full head count. I want to make sure every single person is safe and accounted for. I was visiting with Daniel in the VIP quarters, and we're both safe, so that's two off your list. I want a full report in thirty minutes."

"I'm on it."

"Let's try to get this fixed well before morning, shall we? I want hourly updates, Rodney. More if something comes up," she snapped. Perfect. Just flipping perfect.

"Understood," McKay added.

"What's going on?" Daniel asked quietly.

"The storm has caused problems with the city's power. Parts of the city are running on reserves, which basically means life support. Doors, transport chambers, and things of that nature are out of order. Including yours. It appears we're stuck, for at least the next hour."

"Lovely," Daniel sighed depressingly, which made Sam angry.

"Isn't it?" she ground out.

Silence engulfed them, as they stared at each other for a moment. Sam sighed and made her way to a couch, deciding that she wasn't going to spend the next hour, or longer, on her feet. The minutes continued to tick by. Daniel resumed his post at the windows, and she tried to ignore him, a task that proved impossible.

She still wanted to tell him what was on her mind. She might be annoyed, but damn it, she'd just discovered she loved this pigheaded man. The least he could to was listen to her! He'd made it clear that talking wasn't an option for him, so regardless of how she was feeling she had to give him his space. Still, being trapped like this was driving her nuts and she didn't know how much longer she could hold out.

"Colonel Carter, this is Sheppard," she heard in her ear.

"Go ahead, John."

"Head count's finished. Everyone's accounted for. We've got a few people stuck in some hall ways, but no one is outside. We're trying to figure out if we can get crews to open the doors, but it looks like that is going to take longer than it'll take McKay to get the power back up."

"Thanks, John. That's good to hear. Let me know if anything changes."

"You got it."

"Is everyone okay?" Daniel asked, causing Sam to smile reluctantly. Whatever else was going on, he was still worried about other people. She felt a part of her anger melt away.

"Yes, for now. Some people are stranded in hallways, but they're safe."

"That's good," was all he said.

_This is ridiculous_, Sam thought finally, standing.

"Daniel, I won't pretend to know exactly what's going on here. I know that you're hurting, and I know that somehow, I caused it." She took a steadying breath. "You have to know that I would never hurt you intentionally."

Silence greeted her words, but she wasn't going to go until he responded. Apparently he figured this out after a couple of tense moments. "I do," he said so softly she almost hadn't heard him.

"Good. Than you also know that I can't stand the idea of things staying like this between us. It seems fate would agree, because we can't avoid the fact that we're stuck in this room for the time being. I don't want to make things worse. So, I'll make a deal with you. I want you to answer a question for me, honestly. If you do, then I'll drop this subject and not mention it ever again. Deal?"

"Sam, please," he begged.

"Do we have a deal, Daniel?"

Daniel turned to face her fully. She obviously wasn't going to let this go, so he might as well get it over with. "Fine. One question."

"What did you mean when you said I didn't know you at all?" she asked without hesitation.

Of course, Sam would ask him that. It seemed she wouldn't be happy until she'd truly obliterated every ounce of pride he had. Wearily, he sat down and ran his hands over his face.

"It's complicated," he said, stalling.

"Yeah, tell me about it," she groaned, sitting next to him.

"Are you really sure you want to know? Even if it changes our relationship forever?"

"Daniel, our relationship has already been changed forever, and not for the better. It's all or nothing at this point." He stared into her eyes, searching. Then he nodded, as if making up his mind.

"I didn't kiss you back because I felt sorry for you. If you think I could do that out of... If that's what you think than you don't know me at all." There. He'd said it without really saying it. Naturally, Sam would be able to understand what he wasn't saying, but this way maybe he'd keep a scrap or two of his dignity.

"Then why did you kiss me?" She thought she knew. Surely he was telling her that he'd kissed her because he'd wanted to. Because he'd felt something that had nothing to do with friendship. But she wanted him to say it.

She saw the hint of a small smile flit across his lips. "That's a separate question," he said quietly.

"Yes, it is," she sighed. She was quiet, reflecting on all the things she was feeling. She could keep her part of the deal. She probably should. He'd been honest, even though she knew he'd found a way to answer without really answering. Regardless, she could let this go. She could walk away, and maybe some day their relationship would go back to being normal.

But she didn't want that. She loved this man. She ached for him, yearned to touch him, to show him how much she cared for him.

All her life, she'd run from relationships. Nevermind the times that she'd had a very good reason to run, because the truth was that she'd looked for reasons. Jonas was a bully. Narim was from another world. Orlin, Martouf, Pete. Even Jack.

Eventually, she'd changed. She wanted to love and be loved, to have someone to come home to, to have a family of her own. She had come to want something real, and had asked Jack for that. But he hadn't been able to give her that. Afterward, she'd thought her chances of happily ever after were lost. That she would never find someone to share anything close to what she'd felt for Jack.

But now there was Daniel. There'd always been Daniel, if she'd ever let herself see it. With him, she knew she could have it all. She'd seen the way he'd cared for Share, searching the galaxy for her. When Daniel loved someone, he loved them completely. She'd known his loyalty and trust as his friend, but it was no longer enough. She wanted more. She wanted everything he could give her, and she wanted to give it all right back.

"Unfortunately, I'm not going to keep my end of the bargain."

He stared at his hands, anger lighting up his features. Sam just smiled.

"Not yet, at least. There's one more thing I have to say to you. Please, just hear me out, and then if you want me to I won't say another word.

"I want to tell you... no, I _have_ to tell you why _I_ kissed you. But I need you to look at me," she said softly. When he didn't respond, she gently placed her hand on his face, as he had done to hers so many times before. "Please, Daniel. Look at me."

When their gazes locked, Sam's breath caught in her throat. How had she been so blind for so long? Peering into his sad eyes, it was impossible to ignore the emotions that swirled within her, making her dizzy. She couldn't wait another second.

"I kissed you because I love you, Daniel." She'd spoken so softly, she wasn't sure he'd even heard her. His gaze was intense, scrutinizing her skeptically. It seemed he didn't believe her.

"It's true, Daniel. I love you. I admit that I didn't acknowledge it to myself until tonight, but I've been in love with you for a while, I think. I'll understand if you don't return the sentiment, but I thought you should know--"

He cut her off by crushing his mouth to hers, passion erasing all doubts from her mind. Heat spread throughout her body, chasing away everything but the feel of his lips caressing hers. "Sam," he breathed, pulling back long enough to look deeply in her eyes. "Oh, Sam, I've loved you for so long."

She smiled at him and kissed him tenderly, gentleness quickly being blotted out as the intensity of their love for each other took over. Daniel pressed Sam back into the couch, his hand seeking the smooth skin of her stomach, stealing her breath.

"Uh, Sam. Colonel Carter."

"Damn it," Sam said, sitting up.

"What?" Daniel asked, afraid he'd done something wrong.

"It's Rodney," Sam replied. She grinned at the confused look on his face, then activated her comm.

"Go ahead, McKay," she said.

"Well, we've figured out the problem, and we're going to have to manually go through and reset each separate portion of the power grid. We're going to start with the two sections that have people stuck in hallways, but we should be done in another hour."

"Good work, Rodney. Let me know if anything else comes up."

"Thanks, and, ah, will do."

"Crisis abated?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, on both accounts," Sam smiled. She took her ear piece off and activated the alarm, which would beep if there was any more communication. Daniels gaze was locked on her, peering at her intently as if he was afraid she'd disappear. "Hey, are you okay?" she whispered.

"Say it again," he pleaded. Sam didn't have to ask what he was talking about.

"I love you, Daniel Jackson. I really, truly, deeply love you."

"I'm not dreaming?" he asked with such timidity that Sam's heart broke within her.

"No, Daniel. I promise you're not dreaming."

"I still don't believe it."

"Then let me convince you," she said, standing and taking him by the hand. She led him to the bedroom, stepping out of her shoes and smiling on the way. "Just promise me you won't stop me this time," she teased.

"Not a chance in hell," he replied earnestly.

With that, Sam unzipped her jacket and slid it off her shoulders. She then lifted Daniel's sweater and undershirt over his head, trailing her fingers on his chest and sighing. His skin felt just as incredible as it had the last time. She kissed him deeply, then moved to trail kisses down his jaw and neck, reveling in the way Daniel's breathing became labored.

His hands grasped her waist, then found their way underneath her tank top, pulling it over her head. Slowly, his fingertips traced the smooth skin of her back, savoring every inch of her.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this," Daniel whispered, his lips running over her collar bone and down the soft flesh below.

"Tell me," she sighed.

"Sam, I've loved you since before I ascended. I've been attracted to you since I first laid eyes on you." His hot breath whispered against her flesh, sending flames of desire racing along her body. Her brain only briefly took in what he was saying, the intensity of her feelings overwhelming her.

There was no more talking. They both took their time, gently but passionately getting to know each other as they never had before. It felt terrifying and right all at the same time.

Afterward, they simply laid together, embracing each other, their brilliant minds pouring over this new dimension of their relationship.

"Will you stay tonight," he asked, running his fingers through her hair.

"Yes," she said simply. In a way, they didn't have to speak. There would be time for words later, but tonight was about a different kind of communication.

Daniel felt spent, physically and emotionally. He'd gone from the brink of insanity to the heights of ecstasy, and it had taken it's toll. He wanted to stay awake all night to reassure himself that it had all been real, but his body wouldn't listen.

"I love you, Sam," he said as he wearily gave in to sleep.

"I love you, too, Daniel," she replied, knowing by his soft snoring that he hadn't heard her. She waited a few more minutes to make sure he was sleeping soundly before she got up and went to get her comm.

"This is Colonel Carter. McKay, Sheppard?"

"Yes, Sam," Rodney replied.

"Go ahead, Colonel," John answered.

"I hope I didn't wake either of you."

"Nope," Sheppard said.

"Ah, no, I'm still working," Rodney stated. "The floor that your on has be reset, and everything seems to be working fine. Just one more circuit to reset and then we'll be finished."

"Good. I just wanted to tell you that you both did a great job tonight, as always."

"Oh, well, thank you," Rodney said.

"You're welcome. Listen, it's been a hell of a week for me, and I'm going to take tomorrow off. I'm thinking of taking Daniel to the shore. Think you two can hold down the fort?"

"Not a problem, Colonel," John answered.

"Yes, well, ah, I think I've been telling you to take some time off," Rodney said smugly, as if she'd stolen his idea. "By all means, go. Enjoy yourself."

"Thanks," Sam chuckled, shaking her head. "Okay, well, I'm heading to bed. Good night."

"Night," they chorused.

Smiling, Sam made her way back to Daniel. It was time to get even, she thought. After all, Daniel wasn't the only one capable of surprises.


End file.
